My Parents - Please Help!

[Gia13]

Okay, so I just need some help or some reassurance that it's not what I think.

I think my parents hate me, on some level. They are always unsupportive and make me feel horrible about myself. What happened about an hour ago is a good example. My dad came into my room asking about my science test and if I got an A. I told him it wouldn't be marked for another week, and I said it normally. He paused, as if he was thinking, then suddenly started yelling at me saying he was asking a perfectly nice question and I didn't need to give him so much attitude and slammed my door. I couldn't help but keep crying. Later he came in and gave me such a cold look and told me that there was left over curry for me and my sister to eat for dinner. Only when I went to go eat my sister had already eaten her half. She said that was about half an hour before. My dad only just told me so I ate cold curry in case warming it up made him yell at me again. It was horrible. 

I hate going home after school. I hate being sick, too. My mum is always the one that's home during the day so has to pick me up if I get sick at school. Last time I was sick at school I was throwing up in the school bathroom and nearly collapsed but I tried not to go to the office because I was scared to go home. My mum always seems to be so angry with me for being sick. She yells at me and treats me like I am lying even when it's obvious I'm not. 

Being at home always leads to me crying. There are days when things are okay but something will happen and it has to be my fault. I was seem to ruin everything. Am I crazy or do my parents not like me? Please help.

[white knight]

Hi Gia,

I feel such sadness for you. I dont know how old you are but as a guess 15 or 16.

Please remember a few things. Firstly there is always two sides to any story. Secondly reaching out to understand the other person is the greatest thing you can ever do for someone else. And thirdly for adults, teenagers are annoying and often show lack of respect.

For example. You say your dad deliberately let your dinner go cold then told you to eat it. Yet you dont know if he was struggling, wondering to invite you to the table or not. This juggling of thoughts could account for the delay. So it isnt concrete that he deliberately did that, there could have been a reason and therefore he might not have meant that. You should have heated up the dinner in the microwave IMO.

That is one example of mis communication or lack of it. So let me tell you directly what to do to fix your issues. PROVE you are grown up. To do this you have to be really strong. What you do is ask your parents to sit down for a chat. Then tell them how awesome they have been in providing a home and working hard either at work or at home doing housework. Then tell them you have been going through a tough time in your teenage years and hope you can try your best at school. etc etc

There is often the phrase that to be treated as an adult you have to act like an adult. It's a terrible phrase but its true and when you do change to being mature and reaching out to them then they will see you differently.

The alternative isnt such a good idea. Stay as you are that is. Fighting and living with sadness.

Your parents dont hate you. No way. Help them more around the home and reach out to see what its like for them. They'll see a caring person and that will mean the world to them.

Tony WK

[Zeal]

Hi Gia,

I’m 22 and still live at home with my parents and 20 year old sister.
It’s unlikely your parents dislike you. Sometimes, especially in your teens, the way you say things can sound like you are giving an attitude when this isn’t your true intention. If you have low self-esteem and are unhappy, it can be hard to interact with family in a positive way. My parents got frustrated at me when I was a teenager too. They occasionally do now, but I finally have most things “sorted out”. Being a teenager can be tough, as often your sense of identity hasn’t fully developed yet, and other aspects of your life can feel new and confusing.

Having a calm chat with your parents is a good plan. I agree with Tony when he says acting as maturely as possible really helps. Choose a time to talk to your parents when they’re calm, and not too busy. I’ve learned this from talking to my Dad in the past! Explain that you feel they’re often angry and frustrated with you. Say this calmly, and don’t raise your voice. Tell them how you’ve been feeling lately (e.g. sad, confused, anxious etc.) Maybe say you feel as if you keep doing the wrong things around them, but don’t mean to. If there are other things you feel need to be discussed, then talk about them.

If you are throwing up, going home is best. If you feel genuinely ill, your mother will be able to tell it’s serious. If your mother seems frustrated, it could be that she finds it hard to deal with illness or vomit. This may not be the case at all. I’m only saying this because I have a phobia of vomit, and I’ve always wondered how I would handle this if I have kids! Your Mum could be frustrated at the situation – it would be hard for her to see her daughter really unwell.

If you think you need to talk about your health and emotional confusion with someone, going to your GP could help. So many young people need to seek help from a doctor or a psychologist, and it’s not a sign of weakness at all. In fact, it shows you have emotional strength!

You’re not crazy; you’re going through a confusing time right now. Be honest and calm with your parents.

I hope things improve for you 🙂

SM