I feel like disappearing

[LK]

So for the last few weeks I've been having depressive thoughts which for the first time have been leading towards suicidal...

Every time I think about it I have a panic attack and struggle to breath.

I don't know what to talk about to people, what to tell them when they tell me I can talk to them.

Its all just kind of a blur, I feel like there's no reason to be going through all of this, and then I feel worse when I think of others that have it much worse than me and feel even worse.

I feel like everyone preaches to me that it will get better but it hasnt and I can't see it happenning.

I just feel like going out and blowing my money, disappearing and just giving up.

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[Hopefullseeking]

Hi LK,

l can identify with how you are feeling, my depression has been not good for several years, my shrink feels l am getting there but I don't feel it.

l also have trouble taking to people, never know what to say. I find with friends that say I can talk to them say this because they do care. However when you talk to them about how you feel they don't know what to say. Only you can feel your sadness, others no matter how you try to explain don't get it.Well that's how l feel. Friends can care and be sympathetic but they don't feel what you feel.

l also struggle to understand why I have to be in so much pain. I may have had a difficult life with many traumatic experiences but l am still suffering, why.

l don't believe pain is all there is and you mustn't either.

You deserve to be happy as l do and we are both working to get there. We will get there.

Hugs

[White_Rose]

Dear LK

Thank for telling how you are feeling. It can be difficult to write about your story on BB but you have done this. Congratulations

I am presuming you have depression or feel this is your problem so I will answer from this perspective. Depression is no respecter of persons. It will invade wherever, usually when you least expect it. Think of it as being a bit like the 'flu. All the people you know are dropping like flies but you are still upright, or conversely you are the person who is unwell and everyone else is OK.

It also does not matter what is happening to other people. There are no brownie points for having the worst illness. Whatever is troubling you is of paramount importance to you and has nothing to do with anyone else. Yes, other people need help, but that does not mean your need is somehow less important.

Why do some people appear to sail through life without a care while others struggle with most basic of worries? Well first of all you do know what others are going through. We all learn to wear masks in public. No one deserves any kind of illness. We all have our vulnerable parts and life sometimes gets bad. The good news is that you can get help.

First of all read about depression. Go to the tabs at the top of the page and click on The Facts or Resources. You will find heaps of information which BB will send to you if you wish. You can also get information for family and friends.On the homepage you can also complete the one minute depression checklist.

Secondly, make an appointment with your GP to talk about your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable about this, then write down the things you want to say. You can read these to the doctor or give the GP the list to read. Being prepared ahead helps to make sure you get it all out.

Talk about your suicidal feelings. You will not shock the doctor but you will give him/her a full picture of how you feel.

In the meantime, when you feel overwhelmed with pain phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636. It is available 24/7. You will get some skilled help there.

Depression is not necessarily a life sentence. You can learn to manage it, to know what triggers your sad and painful thoughts and to work out why this is so. Many people go through depression and come out the other end very happy with life. But I find that it rarely happens without help.

I hope you will be able to respond here. I will look for your posts.

Mary

[Dennis38]

First off welcome to the forms LK, now before I go any farther...White Rose...I am stealing this "It also does not matter what is happening to other people. There are no brownie points for having the worst illness. Whatever is troubling you is of paramount importance to you and has nothing to do with anyone else. Yes, other people need help, but that does not mean your need is somehow less important"

LK out of everything you will ever hear ever little bit of advice that you will pick up in your life..this is one of the most important thoughts to always keep in your mind. Mary summed this up perfectly. I was always like you when my depression first hit me, and it was always used like some kind of hammer when I was hurting (was run over by a car in 2000 lots of physical and mental damage done) and everyone would use the line "well someone has it worse then you" like that is suppose to cheer me up?! It did the total opposite it made me feel even worse as if there was something wrong with needing help.

Well guess what my new found friend, there is NOTHING wrong with needing help, there is no shame in needing a hand out of the pit that we all dig ourselves into at times. The real shame is going through life depressed and feeling like there is no hope, there is hope, there is always hope. But first you need to talk to your GP he/she will be able to really help you.

Second and this one is important, when you are feeling sad, or hurting  and wanting a way out...call the BB help line some great people work on that phone line. Third avoid any sad songs, movies. or even things that are full of action and might get you overly happy because then you could crash even harder, speaking from personal experience on that one.

Remember there is no shame in needing help. One helpful thing is start to write down how you feel when you are depressed, just some of the thoughts that are going through your head at the time and then simply give these writings to the GP or counciler (which you should find one they help), some times it's easier to write then talk.