My Mum is a Monster

[sometimesiwanttodisappear]

I really want help. I feel so lonely these days. My mum is always putting me down and comparing me to other people my age that have done more successful things than I. To get the idea of it all, I left school when I was 15 (due to bullying and mental health reasons), I am totally friendless and to be honest i don't really do much besides stay at home. I have extremely bad depression yet my mother is making it worse by telling me why cant I be like her or why am I so lazy. Other than that my parents are always fighting over money. I honestly feel so ashamed of myself, to see other 17 and 18 year olds that I once knew getting a Dux award at school. I haven't even finished school! I just want to rot away from this body and become fecal matter of some sort of weird bird.

My mum just makes me want to disappear. She never listens to me and she always makes me cry myself to sleep. Can someone please help me. I just don't want to be here anymore.

[Doolhof]

Hi and welcome to the community here.

Sorry to read you are having such a tough time with your depression and mental health issues. It is difficult when depression causes us to have such troubles in life that we feel we can't achieve much.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been to talk to a Dr about how you are feeling? Do you have any assistance or receive any treatment to help you deal with all you are experiencing?

It can be difficult for people who have never experienced depression or mental health issues to understand just how difficult and debilitating it can be.

There is a lot of information on the Beyondblue web page you may find helpful. Have you ever tried the phone support services like the one here at Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636? They may be able to help you find people in your area who can assist you.

Are there things that you do enjoy doing? Is it possible to get out of the house and go for a walk daily? Exercise is very beneficial. Just getting out of the house helps.

It is unpleasant hearing and seeing your parents arguing over finances as well. Are you eligible for any Government funding at all? Is it possible for you to do some volunteering or find a casual job? Both will offer you a sense of self worth and build your self esteem.

Please know you don't have to answer anything here you don't want to.

I hope you find some answers and are able to find ways to move forward.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Star_Jasmine]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums.

So sorry to hear you're feeling so down and that not only is your mum not being supportive but seems to be making things worse for you. Does she know about your depression?

If you haven't already, arrange to see a GP to talk about how you feel. They can refer you to a good counselor or psychologist. You can get help and you can feel better! It's really hard to take that first step but it is so worth it. You have already reached out here so clearly you want to get help and get better. Also Google 'Headspace' if you haven't already - it's a youth mental health service with online help and centres that you can visit too.

Hope this info helps and feel free to let us know how you're doing.

All the best 💮

[Natalia123]

I am so sorry to hear that you are not receiving the support you so dearly need from your mother.

Know that you have support here and mention how you feel to your mum. Maybe that is a good starting point

[pinkkookaburra99]

I’ve had a lot of conflict with my mum and I understand how difficult it is. When you have conflict with a friend it is easier in the sense you can spend less time with them if they are toxic. This is difficult with family!

i would maybe start to spend more time out of the house, so you can get away from her for a bit if she is upsetting you, and also so you are filling your day with more ‘stuff’.

favourites of mine include hanging out in the local library or a park. You can just play on your phone, read a book, relax.

i know it’s hard at this age, because it is so easy to compare yourself to others. Try to do your best to focus on your own journey. Instead of thinking ‘I can’t go to school, I can’t get a job, I can’t go to the gym etc’ try flipping it around.

‘I can go for a walk, I can feed my pets, I can read a book, I can talk to a friend’. This kind of thing really helps me when my own mental health issues are limiting me from doing activities that my friends are able to do easily.

Best of luck x

[therising]

Hi sometimes

I feel for you so deeply as you struggle through this incredibly tough stage of your life. As others suggested, wondering if you've reached out for professional help. Depression can be an overwhelming thing to be coping with on your own. Seeking a light source in the way of help from others can help shed a little more light on the darkest parts of the path through depression.

By the way, to give you an analogy, in the hope of you feeling a little better about yourself, imagine you have a broken leg and a collapsed lung and people are saying 'Go run a marathon with the other people around you!' You say 'I can't!!!' You show them your x-rays and they instantly say 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. You poor thing, you must be in so much pain'. Hmmm...if only depression showed up in an x-ray, hey?! Not only would you get the sympathy vote but you'd also automatically get the professional help needed, without question, in order to set you on the path to greater well-being.

Sounds like your mum might be an 'x-ray' sort of person, a seeing is believing sort of person. She doesn't understand why you can't simply run that so-called marathon, like her or everybody else. Depression is a seriously complex condition involving far more than just negative thoughts. For a start, without the right kind of chemistry happening in our head, motivation and happiness are things which can remain elusive to us.

I believe taking your brain to a professional would be the way to go. For a start, seeing a trusted GP will be something that sets you on the path to greater well-being. The reason for me saying 'take your brain' comes down to us being so much more than that computer our head. There's that deeper part of us that longs for peace and self-understanding and that's the part of us we must learn to listen to. Again, we are so much more than just our 'computer' and its programs and circuitry.

Please don't feel ashamed, based on you comparing yourself to other people. It would be much healthier for you to be relating to people who experience depression, rather than those who don't. This would help you identify yourself as someone who is a seriously challenged warrior, fighting the hard fight for freedom (from depression).

Reach out for help and take care of yourself through support and guidance

[sometimesiwanttodisappear]

Hi, thank you for your response. I have been struggling with severe depression since 15. Ive seen multiple physiologists and each of them just make me feel so much worse.

[sometimesiwanttodisappear]

Thank you for your help. Ive tried looking for many jobs, but "I'm just not the right material". I think people think because i look normal that means I am normal and but I have all these voices in my head telling me negative thoughts and making me feel troubled. I've seen multiple physiologist, and it has never help. I feel as if my parents don't want to deal with me and feel as if depression is just an excuse to do anything.

[sometimesiwanttodisappear]

Thank you for your reply. xo

[sometimesiwanttodisappear]

Thank you for you reply. Its nice to know that Im not alone.