my life will never change...

[pitbulls_and_kittens]

hi,

I need to let a few things out and I dont have anyone to talk to about this. I have a few things going on, im 19, turning 20 in a few months, and I hate my life, I just wish it was different. I have had my boyfriend for 3 years now, but he isnt very supportive with much, so i dont even bother telling him my problems. I have no friends at all, and i hate that not because I can't make any but because I am not allowed to have any, my mother is against me having friends and going out because they say friends are a bad influence, I just want to live a life like most people my age, going out having friends, meeting people, doing things, I still get treated the same way as when I was 13, and Ive talked to my parents about letting me go out more, and the answer is always NO! or take your younger sister with you, and the rare few times my mum has let me go out, she complain to my sister about how I am such a bad influence, and all I never want to do want she wants, and hearing that makes me not even bother asking, cause i know in her head she is disappointed...  All I am allowed to do is go to uni and back home, and see my boyfriend on the weekends for a while. I hate going to uni, it makes me feel so lonely. i started uni last year, i was doing law and i really wanted to be a lawyer, but i couldnt do any of the work, i was always so down and unmotivated, but i really wanted to do well but i couldnt find the energy to do any work. Now I am doing another commerce, and i really enjoy it, but Im going throught the same thing now. I have gained so much weight since Ive finished highschool (20kg) I am 168 and use to weigh 58kg and now i weigh 78kg, and its really lowered my self esteem, I feel so ugly and fat all the time, but eveytime i try to work out I just cry because of letting myself get this big. And what is not helping is my boyfriend I know he is no longer attracted to me, and that saddens me, he no longer holds my hand or shows any signs of affection in public, and we rarely go out, Ive talked to him about it, and he says he loves me no matter how much I weigh, but his actions say otherwise.

this probably doesnt even make sense, but its whats bothering me...I want to feel prettier, happier, and maybe live my life a little bit, but at the rate this is going my life is never going to change, sometimes i think i should jus get use to it, but I dont think this is living, i dont know want to do, I am always sad... what should I do? anything would help!

[Doolhof]

Hi Pitbulls and Kittens,

I'm wondering, do you actually have a dog? If you do, you could take the dog out for a walk. Try a couple of times a week and then increase the amount you go walking.

Thanks for sharing your story here with us all and welcome tot he community here at Beyond Blue. It does sound to me like your parents are very protective of you. It may seem like they are being jail wardens, but I am thinking their actions are due to caring for you. It is hard to see that though when you are a teenager.

I broke free from the family home aged about 17 and made many blunders and mistakes. Yes, I learnt from them, but if I had stayed home longer, I wouldn't have had quite as much trauma in my life! It is difficult to find the balance.

Are there support people you can chat with at Uni? Maybe you can contact a counsellor or see what groups and organisations there are within the Uni to help you meet new people and feel more like you are part of a group and not so alone.

When I am depressed I snack out on "Comfort foods" I find it is a hard cycle to break, so I understand that one. Some people find it helpful to write down everything they eat. After a week you can look at that list and slowly reduce the foods that aren't all that good for you.

It is also hard to find the motivation you need to achieve things in life. Have you been to see a Dr to have a chat with the? They may be able to point you in the direction of someone you can chat with regarding how you are feeling and about your weight. A dietician may help.

Is there a gym near you that you can join? Even just walking will certainly help with the weight issue, with making you feel better about yourself and help you regain some of your sense of wellbeing.

Do you have other family members close by, cousins perhaps whom your parents might allow you to go out with? Just to get out of the house, have you asked your Mum and your sister if they would go to the movies with you or out to lunch? That may not seem like an excellent idea, but at least you would be getting out and your Mum might see that the world is not such a bad place all of the time.

It is great you have shared how you are feeling with us all here. Hopefully some of what I have written has helped. If not, then at least you know what doesn't interest you and you can concentrate more on what you would like to do.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools