need help understanding

[anonymous22]

Hello 

I am 21 years old and a female. I've been dateing myboyfriend now for 8 months. I've had anxiety and depression since I can remember. And I'm lacking alot of information about it as doctors keep throwing medication at me. The things I struggle the most with is my moods. I'm constantly getting angry at my partner for no reason and it's worse when he goes out. It's like I look for something to get angry at. Someday my anxiety gets me down as I worry I'm not good enough, not good looking and I just upset everyone. I have lost many friends and the ones I have left I don't feel comfortable talking too about it. I don't have any hobbies as I cannot be bothered. When me and partner have a fight it's always me starting it and after the fight I just get so worked up cos of how I acted (can't control my emotions) and I get so disappointed in myself. As soon as my partner says he is going out without me my stomach just drops cos I rather be there with him. I just dont know how to control my emotions and what to feel and that makes me anxious and upset. Bipolar and split personality disorder is in my family. I take an antidepressant. I want to be medication free soon. Don't wanna rely on a pill to make me Happy.  

[Paul]

Hey anonymous22,

Glad you stopped by and let us know how you're feeling. Depression can be a really difficult thing to understand because of all the different moods that get involved.

Firstly - Medication doesn't make you happy. It helps to stabilise your mood so that you can then explore how you're feeling. Sometimes medication is needed for longer periods to help prevent our health getting worse.

Have you thought about seeing a psychologist and having a chat about how you feel and about your relationship? Perhaps they can also help you understand too.

There are  so many great resources on the Beyond Blue website explaining what depression is, some ways to treat it and how to stay well. 

In the menus at the top, "The facts", "Depression" is a great place to start.

Don't forget to consider chatting to your GP about seeing a psychologist or another professional to help.

Take care, let us know how you go.

Paul