My anxiety is stopping me from completing my university assignments.

[_eeeemilia]

I've struggled with anxiety and depression from about the time I was 16. I'm now almost 22. It started as a result of friendship issues at school, including bullying. As a result of this, I began to associate my school work with these bad feelings, and I became more and more anxious with every assignment and piece of homework I had to complete. I saw several psychologists and a psychiatrist, and I've been on medication for almost 6 years, although my dose has gradually reduced from 2 tablets a day to only half a tablet. This is a significant improvement for me, but I still get that anxiety when it comes to completing assignments for my university degree. I've found myself avoiding doing the work and then avoiding my tutors in order to avoid getting 'in trouble'. Part of my issue is that I also have mild OCD and perfectionist tendencies. This perfectionism combined with my anxiety makes me feel like I would rather not submit anything at all than submit poor or sub-standard work. This stems from having been a high achiever throughout my schooling, until about the time when my depression and anxiety developed and appeared. I think I was always anxious, but it was when the depression showed itself that the anxiety stopped me from being productive and ended up hindering my schooling. 

I've also found that the anxiety continues into my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, but I still get anxious and jealous when he has extended contact with other females, even though I know there's nothing going on. I trust him, but I also don't at the same time and this worries me. I do get social anxiety and I have trouble making new friends. In fact I don't really have any close friends apart from my boyfriend. I think this is also what makes me feel jealous and anxious about his relationships, because I'm jealous of the fact that he can make friends so easily and I can't. I don't know how to do it, I feel like I don't open up enough or I say something too open too early on. I'm always afraid that people will think I'm weird and dislike me.

I've been able to manage my depression to a degree, particularly in the last 6 months as I've started doing aerial arts as a hobby and form of exercise, and I think that finding a form of exercise that I enjoy and doesn't feel like exercise really helps.

I really need some advice to control my anxiety, I don't want it to affect my life more than it already has.

[Zeal]

Hi emilia,

Welcome to the forum!

I also have a history of anxiety. I was diagnosed with OCD at 13, and I still have the condition now at age 23 (but it's better managed). I'm at university too and sometimes struggle to submit assignments on time. As you have diagnosed depression and anxiety, I highly recommend you visit your uni Disability Service (or whatever it's called at your uni). I have a Disability Access Plan which allows me to receive extensions without a specific medical reason (due to my ongoing anxiety) and sit my exams at the university in a smaller-group setting. This has been hugely helpful, and is completely confidential. When I graduate, my employer will not know I had these allowances, and nor do other students. I highly recommend making an appointment with the disability adviser.

It's great that you've been in a relationship with your boyfriend for so long! Some people with anxiety struggle to maintain relationships. I doubted I would meet the right person for me, but I was proved wrong last year. I've been with my boyfriend for only 10 months, but we felt so close and connected less than a month into our relationship. There are still moments when my anxiety is a pain, but I'm open about what's going on with me (without talking about it excessively or being too negative).

Do you occasionally spend time with your boyfriend when he's with his friends? Being able to get along with his friends could be positive for your relationship. Of course, it's completely fine for your boyfriend to have nights just with the guys. My boyfriend has dinners with just his male friends sometimes, or shoots hoops with them.

Aerial art sounds awesome! I am quite physically inactive, which I need to change. Good on you for being proactive about doing an activity!

When you're struggling with too many emotions and thoughts, try calling or talking to your Mum (if you two are close). I find getting my thoughts out in the open can help. Also, try to get sun exposure soon after you wake up (I promise you there are biological reasons for this!) Eating well is crucial, though don't worry if your food intake isn't flawless, as this is unrealistic! When you sleep, ensure that virtually all light and noise is blocked out, and that you aren't too hot or cold. Lacking sleep is when I am at my most anxious, and this is true for many.

Good luck with seeking help from your uni disability/counselling service 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Narniakid]

Hey _eeeemilia, welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I totally hear where you're coming from with feeling a little OCD over your assignments. I am exactly the same with anything I create. The truth is, while we can see the tiny little errors and mistakes, 90% of the time, everyone else thinks what you've done is marvellous. Try not to be so hard on yourself because you sound like a really awesome and hardworking student, and even hardworking students don't get everything 100% all the time - you're only human, and that is perfectly okay 🙂

As for the anxiety, I definately agree with SM, you should try spending some time with his friends. I am horrible at making friends too, and lately I've been going out to the movies and stuff with my boyfriend and his friends, and turns out they enjoy my company because they've invited me to a couple of their parties. Being with someone you trust will really help when it comes to socialising, so I suggest you bring it up with your partner, I'm sure he'd be encouraging.

Crystal