My 16 year old struggles

[izzy]

I’m not really sure what i’m meant to write, this is my first time going to a place like this and talking about it, but it seems to help everyone else. 

Im in year 11, which has a lot of work and exams and stress… which doesn’t help anything! But i’m finding that i have been struggling alot, i just feel tired, i feel drained, i’ve had enough, i’m sitting at lunch while everyone is laughing and just don’t have it in me to join them.. i’m not sure what’s going on but i’m not hungry and i just want to sleep. 

My step grandma is fighting with cancer and only have about a week left, which has a huge toll on everyone.. but my actual grandma died of cancer when i was 8, so it’s flushing everything back. I’m just not sure what to do or how to deal with it, I also got kicked out of my friend group which is now bullying me at school, my new friend group is still settling in with me and it’s really hard. As well as loosing my boyfriend of almost a year who was so special to me

At home my parents are split, so there is some fighting and it always a-bit eh, but lately it seems everyone is yelling at me and everything is my fault, so i want to get away. but at school i have tons of work and i just can’t find a place.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to… I told my parent about how i’m feeling and they simply said i don’t know.

Its hard to describe how i feel, i may have a good day and then the next i'm just really horrible. this has gone on for about 2 weeks, everything is just dull. It’s like someone just vacuumed everything out and i’m just empty. I had a huge cry over the tiniest thing the other day which i thought would help. i hope some one understand what i’m feeling.. i don’t know how to finish this but i’m just tierd.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Izzy & welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry to hear your step-grandma is so ill with cancer & is not expected to live much longer. It sounds to methat you care very much for her & losing her is very upsetting to you. I can understand that losing your step-grandma will bring back memories of losing your own grandma when you were 8years old. I wonder if you have been able to talk to anyone about what you felt back then. Or was it like when I was young - adults assuming  kids get over such losses easily or forget about them, especially if they don't talk about the person who is gone fromtheir lives anymore? For really young kids that might be true, although I still suspect there are lasting effects on them.

therefore, I think, if there is a counsellor at school, that could be someone you could talk to. They could also talk to you about the bullying & any other school issues & relationship issues.

If not, there is Kids Helpline or BB's own telephone counsellors, if you want more immediate support, just call 1300 224 636.

Within this section, 'Young People[, I'm sure you can find other young people who have had similar difficulties to your own.

I wish you well.

Hugzies

mmMekitty  

[therising]

Hi Izzy

First, I just want to say you have got to give yourself the credit you deserve for trying to get through one of the toughest times of your life, it not the toughest time. You're facing an enormous amount of challenge while trying to cope with most of it on your own. No wonder you're feeling so exhausted. Whether someone's 16 or 60, there are times in life where we can't manage everything on our own, as it's just too much to manage. These are times where guides are an absolute must. My heart goes out to you as you long for and look for the best possible guides regarding the way forward.

As a mum to a 21yo gal and an 18yo guy, it's my job to know. When my kids are significantly struggling, I can't say 'I don't know' in regard to guiding them through and beyond a challenge. From my own experience, there are a number of things that will 'wake me up' or lead me to become more conscious of their struggle/s. Whether they speak to me and explain the full extent of their challenges, whether one of my kids makes me far more conscious of their sibling's challenges or whether one of them cries or makes demands that I do something, that's just a handful of wake up calls. Parents can be asleep at times, when it comes to the full extent of their child's struggle. If you feel the need to cry at your parents, do it. Don't save your tears for when you're alone, as they may speak volumes when directed towards someone. They can represent a cry of desperation and/or a cry for much needed attention ('Hey, over here! I'm drowning'). Sometimes negotiation can be the key, when it comes to 'managing' a parent. Parents do need management on occasion. We can be rather challenging creatures. For example, 'Mum/Dad, while I know you may be struggling yourself and may not be able to help me in ways you normally would, I need you to at least find me someone who can help me because I'm just not coping'. Never settle for 'You'll be right' or 'You just need to get on with things' or 'You need to stop overthinking everything' and all of that kind of stuff. It's dismissive and is of no help at all.

With mmMekitty thoughtfully and lovingly suggesting a number of guides you could access, people who could possibly help shed light on the way ahead for you, I hope who you choose as your guide leads you to see that not everything is your fault. It is not necessarily our fault that we struggle at times. Sometimes it may involve a fault in others or faults in the questionable systems we're trying to navigate through. The Australian Education System is far from faultless in my opinion. Sometimes it can be downright stressful and even depressing for some who suffer through it.