Mother

[LUCIDFOX_X]

Okay, so... I am turning 21 in June. I was bullied from Kindergarten on and off (quite badly) until I left school at the end of year 10. When I got bullied mother never got over it and has never been able to let it go because it's completely consumed her. She's a different person. Unfortunately I don't remember what she was like before this. I was too young. (For it to make a bit more sense, she was bullied when she was younger and I don't think she ever really recovered from hers either). I managed to get past mine, quite well. I think it's something that will always sort of be there but it really doesn't have any power over me. So, for as long as I can remember, my mother has blackmailed me, threatened me, pushed me around, made me feel inadequate, told me that every part of me basically isn't good enough. And during that time, she would go onto my Facebook behind my back, talk to people for me (To make friends?), she even broke up with a guy I was seeing once. I found out about a month ago that she was going on my Facebook while I was in the shower and reading my messages. Over the past few years she has broken up important friendships, broken up relationships, caused me a lot of paranoia and anxiety, messaged my friends (and highly likely people who used to bully me) accusing them and their parents of still bullying me, harassing them. Causing me, again, anxiety and paranoia. I really don't know what to do. Because it is starting to affect almost every aspect of my life and I really have no control over the situation. I've taken a further step forward to turn to Legal Aid and get some legal advice because what is happening is considered to be slander and defamation.
I should also add that I have been trying to stop her from doing all of this for about 6 years. I have tried almost everything. Aside from my last resorts which are both equally difficult decisions. Almost all of our family and friends have tried to stop her as well.

[james1]

Hi lucidfox_x

Oh that's really quite bad 😕 My mother also used to check my messages behind my back all the time and always insisted on having my passwords and bank PINs and everything.

Can I ask whether legal aid have given you much advice yet?

A lot of my issues were fixed when I moved out but it took a long time for that to be financially viable.

Also, I am not sure what your mum is like but sometimes they don't understand the damage their controlling behaviour can cause. If you have a doctor or psychologist who you speak to, perhaps you can also ask them about guidance on whether it could be helpful to bring your mum along?

Hope to hear back from you. It sounds like a pretty difficult situation.

James

[Croix]

Dear LUCIDFOX_X~

I'm afraid for some parents the only answer is distance. If it was just a question of her going overboard in your defense it might be understandable, particularly if she had bullying in her childhood too.

Sadly that does not sound as if it is the case. You said "my mother has blackmailed me, threatened me, pushed me around, made me feel inadequate, told me that every part of me basically isn't good enough". This is a terrible thing to do to an offspring, totally devaluing them. It sounds like she feels she has to lead your life for you as if you were incapable.

It does need to stop. It really is only a question of how. I know you mentioned resorting to Legal Aid. If it was me I'd be reluctant, going though the legal system is pretty imperfect at best, as so many who hoped to be under the protection of Restraint Orders or AVOs will tell you.

I guess one immediate thing that springs to mind is to lock both your phone, computer or tablet with a password, and to change the security and passwords of your social media. It might at least stop her doing damage under your name.

Is it essential you live with your mother? While it might be a good thing financially it sounds as if it is simply making your life miserable.

Croix