Anxiety over my boyfriend

[Dontknow3]

i’m Experiencing the near exact case of this situation right now, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 months just now and feel like I have anxiety over certain cases relating to him. I’m not one to talk to my best friends or even close family about my problems but keep them in til I can explode in tears by myself and not let anyone be aware of these cases. this may come to the reason why I don’t see any professionals about my problems facing what I think I have, anxiety. I struggle deeply at opening up to people. I have what I think is anxiety of being left out, forgotten and unloved and feeling not needed by my boyfriend. These episodes not being able to get to sleep, concentrate on anything else other then what he’s doing, being sick to my stomach that I can’t eat and shaking due to stress come whenever my boyfriend goes to hang with these group of girls and guys without me, which tends to be a lot. Lately I’ve felt as if he’s lost complete interest in me not prioritising me at all and choosing over people over me. I don’t get this as I want to hang out with him all the time but I feel like he thinks the opposite of me. He used to want to be with me all the time but now all we ever do is he comes and hangs out at my house and we don’t even ever go out on dates, I feel so scared and hurt that my heart feels like it’s physically in pain. I’m not completely sure why I’m worried about what he’s doing he’s the nicest guy and couldn’t imagine him ever cheating on me but then I get thoughts in my head of him hanging and flirting with other girls and I get so upset and can tell think of anything else. All I wish is that he wouldn’t make time for me and want to hang with me more often then them. I don’t want him to think I’m a control freak cause I want him to go out and have fun with his friends sometimes obviously but I want him to have fun with me aswell and at least ask if I could hang out with them all aswell I feel so left out and useless being at home while he’s out enjoying himself, I feel worthless I don’t know what is wrong with me. Someone please tell me what to do or that they’ve experienced this before?? I don’t want to break up with him cause I’m so in love and I don’t want to be with anyone else and it would kill me to see him with someone else, even though I’m hurting I want to stay with him is that normal? I just want to feel loved and wanted but maybe he’s not ready to be commited, I couldn’t deal with that, I don’t want to see professional help.

[CJames]

Good Morning Don’t know,

Firstly welcome to the forums, it's a great place to express your feelings and thoughts, without being judged, but gaining significant support from others that have gone through similar issues before.

It's terrific to see that you've been together for eleven months, that must mean something is keeping you together, right?

I too can relate to letting everything build up till I explode, but I'm about to be hypocritical and say it doesn't work. It causes unnecessary pain that you don't seem to need right now. Maybe just maybe think about the idea of speaking to someone close to you, see how it works out. I will commend you for jumping on the forums and talking to us about what's going on.

If you don't mind me asking why do you struggle to speak about what's going on? Can you elaborate on the idea of being left out or forgotten? It's completely normal to be upset or even have anxiety; it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's more common than you think.

Being a male myself and being surrounded by them at school, I can understand the idea of being away from their girlfriends to spend time with friends especially other girls, sometimes relationships can get cloudy and this time apart can feel so good for males, it's the idea of freedom. Now I don't want you to take the idea away that your boyfriend want's time apart but it's something to think about.

Have you spoken to him specifically regarding him losing interest in you? Do you think maybe this is the anxiety speaking?

Secondly, does he know that you may suffer from anxiety? Often boyfriends will support their significant other if they're aware of something going on, it shows a powerful bond.

You're not a control freak 'Don't know' you're just anxious, it's completely normal. If you know that he's a nice guy and you trust him, why stress yourself out about thinking he's cheating or flirting with other girls?

Regarding going out with his friends, this may help with your worries and even be a bonding experience. Just ask 🙂 Why don't you go out with yours at the same time, it could take your mind off things.

You're not worthless; you're as worth more as any other girl around, remember you're a beautiful soul. There is nothing wrong with you.

If an unfortunate ending occurs, you will need to work out how to deal with that and move on.

I wish you the best of luck and sincerely hope your relationship continues.

[Dontknow3]

I always seem to mess up and it leads to us getting in arguments. I know put it on him saying he might aswell he dating one of those girls. He thinks I don’t trust him after everything and thinks we’re too young I don’t know what to do I’ve never been so scared that he thinks breaking up with me for the better I really don’t want that. I shouldn’t of said what I did and I try to convince him that there is way more good then bad in this relationship. I really don’t want this to end and I don’t know what to do, to convince him I trust him and let him know I won’t say stuff like that again, I didn’t think it would hurt him and upset him that much by saying that, I just wanted to let him know I wanted to spend more time with him and wanted to be reassured that he still wanted to be with me and spend time with me. But now I felt like I’ve just ruined everything and he’s considering splitting for what he thinks is better off for the both of us. What do I do

[CJames]

Hi Don't know,

Strangely enough, my second post from last night hasn't come through :(, yet. It's great to see you again.

Sometimes we think that we mess up everything when in theory we haven't come close to messing anything up. People argue in relationships; it's completely normal, some get out of hand others don't. You need to let your boyfriend know that you trust him with all your mite. You should sit down together and discuss your feelings.

I can see that you love this boy a lot, talk to him about what you're talking to us about.

On the other hand, Don't know, prepare yourself for some time apart from each other. It could be good for the both of you. You need to sum up the negatives/positives about the relationship and follow what your instinct is telling you.

Keep us updated, good luck.

C.