Missing my ex

[peachy101]

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for over 2 years. I broke up with him because all of the little issues in our relationship had gotten too much for me and I had come to a point of realisation that I deserved to be better treated and I believed that I should just focus on myself and school/dancing commitments. I broke up with him 9 weeks ago and we have both been seeing other people (obvious on snapchat stories etc), and we haven't spoken. Before we were a couple we were really close friends and there literally hasn't been a day since the breakup where I haven't thought about him. So tonight I messaged him for the first time just to say 'Hi, how have you been, hows your family? etc etc.' and it was a small, civil chat however now it's just made me feel even worst. I really miss him. I know that I'm better off without him, but I 100% still have feelings for him and I miss seeing and talking to him. I really just want some sort of explanation as to why I feel this way and I'm also curious as to whether this means that I should continue to speak to him, or whether I should keep my distance.
I don't think I would get back with him if I had the chance, but I merely miss having him in my life and I know for sure that I still love him which makes it harder for me to be happy about my decision to break up with him! How do I get over him and how can I stop missing him?
Any advice is appreciated!!

[dragonflies]

Hi peachy,

I finally got over my ex-boyfriend probably two years after he broke up with me. Hurt a lot and was out of no where. He began to see someone immediately. I figured out this is even before seeing me. I had feelings for him for a long time but I'm not sure what feelings they were. I was so hurt and angry at him for leaving me but I also missed him so much and thought about him everyday. What I said to myself which really helped was to appreciate the relationship that we had had. He was so kind to me. I couldn't have asked for a better first love and I'll remember it for the rest of my life. I know now it is negative between me and him. We have barely spoken since our break up. I couldn't reply to him because it just hurt too much. I ended up deleting him of all social media etc because it was unbearable to see all his posts yet I felt I needed to. I started to focus on myself. Remember how it was to be alone again.

I believe that you deserve to be treated better and you can find the right person who can do that for you. It seems from what you've said that you're sure about not getting back with him... why put yourself through all the torment?

9 weeks is a long time. But it takes people different amounts of time to finally get over someone (i.e. myself)

For me, no contact was how I got over him. As hard as it was. And it takes time, who knows how long, to stop missing someone. But I can promise you, we are so young and there will be a lot more loves in your life, I'm sure. I always thought to myself I was never going to marry this person!... It had to end at some point, sucks when it does, but its natural and normal, happens to everyone at some point.

dragonflies

[geoff]

hi Peachy, a r/ship which has been broken may not be easy to cope with, but it's been 9 weeks and you know that you probably wouldn't get back together, so what you are doing is making him be someone to fall back on because there is no one else, and if for any reason you do reunite, then everything is only going to be exactly the same as before, so you're only teasing yourself here.
Try and find another b/friend and when you do then your life will suddenly change, you'll be in love again, you won't find or get this from your previous b/friend, he maybe in another r/ship, leave him be, happiness won't return but it will when you start going out with someone else, it's big world out there. Geoff.

[james1]

Hello peachy101,

Like dragonflies and geoff have said, it is best to give yourself space.

Most likely, you still feel this way because you went through a lot of time together and shared a lot of experiences. No matter whether a relationship was going to work or not, we always mourn the loss of having that person with whom we shared those memories. And yes, we miss them.

So these feelings aren't about the future of whether you should get back together or not, but rather the past. It's marking the loss of a relationship, rather than the possibility of building a new one.

Time helps with loss, as do hobbies and friends and family. You have a big hole in your life at the moment, so it is best to try and fill that with other things that make you happy.

James

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Peachy, I've totally been in the position. Deep down you know that you deserve to be treated better but there is still love there. I think if you just remember how you felt and the reasons why you broke up with this person it may provide some clarity? I'm sure there's a reason why you broke up and that eventually you may see that it was for the best. You keep saying you know you deserve better, so I think it'd be a great idea to have some space from this person, even if that means deleting their number and trying to move on. 9 weeks isn't a long time for a break up, it may take a really long time to move on from this person. I think just reminding yourself that you deserve better and the reasons why you broke up with them will help you. If it's meant to be it's meant to be, but maybe just take some time away from him and see what happens.

[peachy101]

Thank you so much for your advice! 🙂

[peachy101]

Thanks so much for your advice!!! 🙂

[peachy101]

Thanks everyone for your help and advice!!

[Saddo_in_Stilettos_22]

Hey peachy,

This pretty short, but I find this really helpful when dealing with losses like your own.

Get a few girl friends over, buy lots of ice cream have a romantic comedy movie marathon while eating the ice cream.

Don't do this too often, because it will start to affect your health, all that ice cream!

You can totally get over him honey! I believe in you!

Saddo_in_Stilettos_22