messed up

[Stasiaa]

I`ve always felt sad and anxious and almost nervous for something that was around the corner... yet I don't know why. Lately it has become worst. I find it hard to stop myself crying and over thinking and try to be the strong and funny 18 year old that my family and friends think I am. I have no reason to be upset and I think that just gets me more frustrated at myself. I`m a fairly confident person around others, yet when I'm by myself I seem to shrivel and feel like no one cares for me, even I know thats not true. I can't help this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. I know I need to see a doctor but I honestly do not know where I would even start  or how I would even begin explaining myself. I hate that I feel this way and I hate that I fear my future and what will become of me. I rarely let anyone in, and find boys my age only interested in 1 thing. I hate to say it but I feel as though I'm depending my happiness on men and my inner voice tells me that just because I might meet the right guy won't make these negative thoughts and constant fear just disappear. All I seem to do is cry and I want it to stop. How do i help myself recover?

[Asche]

Hey there!

I feel like I'm barging in on your discussion, so forgive me if that's the case- particularly seeing how there's actually not altogether much I can add that John hasn't already mentioned. As he said, it's great that you feel confident with going to your current GP. However, I think it would be remiss to not mention that, for all intents and purposes, the GP will effectively just be a referral service- they'll ask you in, have you fill in a K10 psychological distress scale and then forward you to a psychologist (pending your score, of course).

As for fearing the future- I think that's entirely normal and more than a little appropriate. As geoff mentioned, at 18, "the world is your oyster" -which is, admittedly, kind of true, so long as certain generalizations hold up.

Once you leave high school, society actually starts to treat you as an individual, able to make your own decisions.You have an unparalleled amount of freedom, since you don't have to shoulder immediate responsibilities like feeding yourself or paying the rent. Furthermore, you're really only accountable for yourself since you're not yet responsible for the well-being of someone else, which is liberating in a way only parents can describe (and other primary caregivers. But that doesn't have quite the same ring to it).

The unfortunate flipside is that also means that most people won't give you much advice on which decisions to make. Maybe I'm just projecting, but you sound like you feel a degree of responsibility to make good decisions. Which is fantastic in many ways, but horrid in others, because that can be horribly anxiety-inducing whenever the right decision unclear. (Which is all the time.)

It's easy to overload, agonizing over how you're going to accomplish this or what's going to happen if you don't do that. So I think it's perfectly rational to fear the future. It might even be necessary; fear in moderation motivates caution.

And since I'm about to run out of space- as a 19-going on-20 year old male, I can definitively say that there are guys who want more out there. Some of my best friends have been in committed relationships for over 2 years, and even now, I'm far too preoccupied by my heady, toxic, romance with depression to trouble anyone else. (Not that that's much better.) It's not that those guys don't exist- you're just not liable to find them throwing themselves away in bars. Or anywhere else, for that matter. So do a little digging. Or you can just wait. 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Stasiaa,

Just wondering how you are going?

Kind regards, John.

[Stasiaa]

Hi John! 
So much has happened since my first post that I have kind of been in a world of my own and forgot about our messages! 

Firstly and I think most importantly I had a break down at work around 3 weeks ago now! It was all handled very well as my boss understands anxiety as his 3 children suffer from it. He called my mum and together we talked to her. The next day I saw my GP and she referred me to my now psychologist (it all happened very fast)

Ive been to him 3 times now and again this week, where he has been explaining to me how anxiety works and going through every small detail that makes me overwhelmed! 

Right now I'm a lot better that its out in the open but obviously the anxiety doesn't just go away (which I've come to understand that it will most likely always be apart of me, but I can control it). I still get most anxious and overwhelmed by my job and in fear of stuffing up! My boss simply was telling me last week how i need to step up on one of my job tasks and that made me sick to my stomach to the point where I was a nervous wreck to go in the next day! Little things like that have been happening but overall I`ve been a lot calmer. 

Thank you for your reply`s they mean a lot to me! 

Stasiaa

[seagull_drury]

Hi Stasiaa!

It's been an interesting read and I just wanted to share my story quickly, as I feel connecting with others in the same situation helps out a tonne.

I'm a male, currently 24, going on 25, that suffers from Social Anxiety. I was recently "diagnosed" with it in late November last year. For me, I wouldn't so much be afraid of going out and being around people. It would be more along the lines of when I had to open my mouth and start a conversation. While listening (not to brag) is a great forte of mine, I always feared that I would make a fool of myself by saying something completely ridiculous and stupid, that it would change peoples opinions of me. Because of this, I was always the quiet one, sitting in the corner by himself. This wasn't just out in Bars, Events, etc..., it also carried into the workplace. I always had a good hold over it ever since I was young (around the age of 15), yet it all just came out at the end of the year and I started having Anxiety attacks on a regular basis (nearly every day) where I would just lye on the floor and cry. This ended up with myself in the GP office, who recommended me to a Psychologist. I have been seeing her since November.

By taking the first step to see the GP and get yourself in with a Psychologist is one of the best things you could do. For me, I never knew how to deal with my emotions to people, and just bottled everything up inside, which is definitely a no go. Spending the last couple of months with the Psychologist has been amazing. I am now able to start conversations and keep people interested without freaking out (too much, haha). I still have a long way to go, and realise it may not go away any time soon, but being able to talk everything over with someone (especially at an early age like yours) is fantastic! 😄
The best cure for what you are going through is time (that's what I've found is best for me at least). Over time, you will get mentally stronger and be able to control what you are going through. There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel!! You have to 'want' to get better, and you will.

I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel alone in this journey! And even though I'm new to the forums, always here for a chat 😄

Good luck on your journey!

[Stasiaa]

Hey there!

thank you for sharing, it`s almost reassuring to hear that (unfortunately) others suffer from anxiety, depression etc, and that I'm not alone and completely abnormal! 

My psychologist has talked to me a little bit about social anxiety even though my case seems to be more towards general anxiety where, as he has explained, I'm always waiting and expecting something bad to happen and put a lot of pressure on myself to be "perfect"!

That`s also really great that the psychologist your seeing is working out for you! and yes, time does seem to be the best cure, especially to try and understand my mind process and why people like you and I react the way we do to certain situations. 

Stasiaa