Hello Jill
Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanks for your post. It is always painful when someone we love passes away, even when we know it's going to happen. Please accept my condolences.
Have you returned to your doctor recently. It's probably a good idea to check in with him/her both about the medication and how you are feeling. Antidepressants don't cure depression, or not often anyway. They help your brain to function more clearly and help you to absorb information and use it to get better. In a way it's like take a painkiller for a headache. You will find it difficult to function with the headache so the the med removes it. Meds don't actually make you function any differently to the way you would normally act. But they do help your brain to get back to a good place.
It is sad that you partner is not supporting you as well as you hoped. Many people find this difficult as they do not understand depression. The common reaction is to say, get over it, pull yourself together, it's all in your mind. Well of course it's in your mind but won't go by wishful thinking.
I suggest you look through the tabs at the top of the page and find the information about depression. Beyond Blue will send whatever you want to you. There is information for family and friends to help them understand what is happening to others. Perhaps you could give this to your partner. It may help.
You may also need more assistance than taking medication. Have you thought of going to a psychologist? Have a chat to your doctor about it. I think you may still be grieving for your grandfather and could do with the opportunity to talk about it.
I see the BB team have contacted you. Please phone them if you are feeling really bad. they are there for you 24/7. Also write in here as often as you wish. Many folk find it is good to be able to vent in a safe place, and this is certainly a safe place.
Hope to hear from you again.
Mary
