messed up

[Stasiaa]

I`ve always felt sad and anxious and almost nervous for something that was around the corner... yet I don't know why. Lately it has become worst. I find it hard to stop myself crying and over thinking and try to be the strong and funny 18 year old that my family and friends think I am. I have no reason to be upset and I think that just gets me more frustrated at myself. I`m a fairly confident person around others, yet when I'm by myself I seem to shrivel and feel like no one cares for me, even I know thats not true. I can't help this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. I know I need to see a doctor but I honestly do not know where I would even start  or how I would even begin explaining myself. I hate that I feel this way and I hate that I fear my future and what will become of me. I rarely let anyone in, and find boys my age only interested in 1 thing. I hate to say it but I feel as though I'm depending my happiness on men and my inner voice tells me that just because I might meet the right guy won't make these negative thoughts and constant fear just disappear. All I seem to do is cry and I want it to stop. How do i help myself recover?

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Stasiaa,

Thank you for your post. I am a 51yo man, father of 5, including 3 daughters. I hope I can help.

I think you have done all you can in identifying that something isn't right. If you choose to see a GP, he will have base level skill at assessing if you have an issue and will probably give you a questionnaire to complete that will help him decide if you qualify for ten free (to you) or heavily subsidised (depending on who you see) consults with a psychologist. It is called a Mental Health Plan and is funded through Medicare.

If you get to that stage, the psychologist will have plenty of experience in getting to the heart of it.

In my experience, the only person that can make you happy is you. No-one else is responsible for your feelings but you, and you are not responsible for anyone elses feelings. Don't beat yourself up, just get some professional support.

I will keep an eye out for your posts.

Kind regards, John.

P.S. I was an 18yo boy once and I can safely say that at that age, most boys are just after one thing. You wouldn't really want one to propose to you at that age, would you! Be aware that young boys find young girls attractive and decide how you wish to manage your relationships with them, or anyone else, and only do what you want to do.

[Stasiaa]

John, thank-you for your reply.

I`ve made the decision to see a GP, although I do have a question- I wonder is it better I see a doctor I've been to before or a new one?

I'm holding off till the weekend to see if my emotions settle down or if they are still soaring high. The way I'm feeling right now is stronger and heightened from the usual anxious, worried feeling that is always there and I want to see if it calms down before I rush into it. 

Also, thank-you for giving me an insight to the 18 year old male brain. I guess I always think theres something wrong with me, but perhaps I've spent to long in the company of literary romantic men in novels and need to be more realistic and understanding.

I feel as though, I may be worrying about men because its the one thing in my life that isn't good, so to me I'm focusing on it more and stressing out which isn't helping the anxiety, does that make sense?  

I look forward to your reply.
Anastasia 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Stasiaa,

I'm glad to hear you've decided to see a GP. I trust my GP, his confidentiality, his long term knowledge of me and his level of skill. I think if your GP knows you well and you can trust him/her, I'd go with that. Given you are a young adult and maybe introduced to that doctor by your parents years ago, I understand why you may wish to go elsewhere if s/he is also their doctor. I'd be surprised if s/he breached your trust to anyone, both unprofessional and potentially actionable behaviour. In any case, any competent GP could see if you are suffering anxiety or another condition.

I am not trying to trivialise your comment about men being the only thing that is not good in your life, but human relations, especially romantic ones, are very complex and seldom run smoothly. The feelings you describe seem indicative of anxiety. They are to be expected. There is some excellent literature on this site concerning anxiety.

Your professional help may well suggest that good boundaries around your behaviour and expectations will help resolve many or your fears. You are very young, though, and the adult world of relationships, employment, serious responsibility and so on can be very daunting and the learning curve can be steep, especially without good help or support. Intelligence is not enough (although it helps) and the old saying that experience is the name we give our mistakes is true.

So far you seem intelligent, able to communicate effectively and able to auto critique. Some people never experience even one of these qualities but they will stand you in good stead as you learn about life.

You mentioned novels. What are your interests?

Kind regards, John.

[Stasiaa]

John..

Quick reply, thank you! 

I do feel as though my GP would be trustworthy and I do feel comfortable with him, so he probably is my best option. 

I have no doubt that most women and men have trouble with relationships, and I guess I'm thinking selfishly that I`m the only person that is having these issues. But it is constantly on my mind and I wish it would go away for awhile. Saying that though i can never pin point exactly why I feel so upset, for example the last three days I've been in and out of tears and I can't even explain to myself why. Its very frustrating. 

And yes... the adult world is constantly on my mind to. Weather or not I'm going to be able to afford a house, how many children I'm going to have, when will I get married Its almost like I'm obsessed about it and I'm only 18. 

I love reading, Its almost an escape passage for me, I also love yoga which also seems to be a bit of a getaway from my overthinking. 

Did you ever suffer from anxiety? 

Once again, thank you so much! I've never talked to anyone about this and I already feel as though talking and not keeping it bottled inside is a better way to fight this. 

Stasiaa

[CrashCoyote]

Hi again Stasiaa,

The quick reply was sheer luck. I do a few posts and yours came up eight minutes before I logged on. That said, I like it when people that post reply back. Sometimes they do not and so many things must be going on for them that prevent them. It is nice to get the feedback that my posts might be helpful to some. You may notice some other regular posters on here, Neil, Geoff, Tony, Bev, and a few others (too many for my bad memory) and I guess it is the same for them, although I do not speak for them.

But let's get the focus back to your situation. Glad you can see your regular GP. I do not think you are being selfish, I think it is very normal for maturing adults to ponder their world and where life will take them. I often tell people that if I had predicted where I would be in five years time at any stage in my life, I would have been totally wrong. Life is dynamic and unpredictable. Sometimes even when you do everything right, you lose. That is not bad, it is just life. Many things we do plan and many of our efforts reap rewards. If I had the answers, I'd share them with you or be a gazillionaire, but life is, thankfully, unwritten and changeable in many ways.

I was a Sydney policeman for thirty years and spent almost all of them on the street in very violent suburbs. I suffer depression and anxiety (PTSD) and a host of physical injuries, all sustained in the line of duty. I'm not complaining. I joined NSWP for action and excitement (after sex, young men crave risk. Risk equals fun when you are 18 and invincible!) and I got lots of action and excitement. I didn't realise back then that it came at a cost, because I felt I was smarter and luckier and more resilient than everyone else like me. It turns out I wasn't. 

My anxiety manifests itself mostly in overthinking situations, detailed pre-planning and my new found ability to startle easily. I used to work alone most shifts (such was the nature of my class of duty and rank) in very dangerous places. I could make very quick and accurate decisions under pressure that could affect the welfare or lives of civilians and personnel in my team. Now I find myself looking up the 131500 website just to plan a trip to Sydney CBD by train! I used to go into situations that were serious threats, armed robberies, building fires, pub brawls, even if I was the first officer at the scene. Now a door slams and I jump ten feet. Is that how anxiety is for you?

2500 letters, I'm out.

Kind regards. John.

[geoff]

dear Stasiaa or will I address this toAnastasia, anyway I like the replies back and forth between you and John, as you seem to be a lovely 18 year old.

There doesn't have to be a reason why you cry or why you have depression as anxiety is part of this illness, although losing someone very close to you can also cause it, but at the age of 18 the world is open for your taking, and yes you have many thoughts that continually you have no answers for.

It still happens when we get older as I'm 60, old, because we think about 'what if' which is really in hindsight, we should have done this or that, but it's too late now our chances have well and truly passed, but for you 'the world is your oyster'.

Even so this is not going to help you, because at the moment you are fragile and still anxious, so it would be easy to fall for an offer from someone just to overcome how you feel, which long term would handicap you, so please be careful.

We hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

[Stasiaa]

Hi John,

Anxiety for me is more a constant feeling of being anxious all the time, and then I have moments like today when I'm sitting at work and find it hard to stop myself from crying and think that my life is not going to get better. 

Saying this, I do occasionally get a few moments where those sick feeling go away but they seem to be hiding around the corner ready to pounce on me again. 

Thankyou for sharing your story with me, do you mind if I ask a few more question in my next post?

[Stasiaa]

Geoff!
Thanks for your post.

Im glad (not really) that crying is normal for what I'm going through. Just today, I was sitting at my desk feeling the need to do so, and I think it just makes me even more confused, upset and worried because I don't know why. 

I can understand the feeling of "what ifs" as i do that constantly now.

Anastasia 

[CrashCoyote]

Ask anything you like.