Making Friends With Severe Social Anxiety. Need advice.

WJD · ‎08-01-2018

Hi,

I am 18 years old (in year 12 this year) and have suffered from social anxiety for my entire life. It has severely affected my ability to make friends. I've never had the ability to form a close friendship with anyone. Although this hasn't bothered me as much in the past, it has hit me big in the last month as I don't have anyone in person that I can talk to and let into my life. Every year I get less and less connected to my family as they are so different to me and don't understand in anyway what my social anxiety is like. As my anxiety has gotten worse, I have came to the realisation that I need to really try and make friends but it feels impossible to achieve. I considered joining clubs of people with the same interests as me but can't build the courage to do it. I really don't know how to deal with the situation i'm in right now. Everyone I know seems to have at least one close friend in their life but me, it makes me feel so lonely and isolated. My next therapy appointment isn't until February, so i'm stuck with this tormenting pain in my mind, putting me in a really depressed state. I would really appreciate some feedback on what I should do.

gunnedo · ‎08-01-2018

Hi WJD, it sounds like yu are in a very hard place and it makes us feel so alone. Taping into this forum is a good move where you can see others have had similar circumstances. Can you see your gp or another one and ask them to help you get to someone sooner. It can be a lonely journey this one, however it may not seem like it but you are not alone. I find the isolation part of all this is the hardest, I am away from my family and dont really have anyone to talk to , I do a lot of writing about whats going on and sometimes that helps.can you listen to music,meditate? Sending you my best.

Spl spl · ‎09-01-2018

Hey WJD, your post hit pretty close to home. I know from your perspective it looks like you're the only one having troubles with this, but I guarantee there's others in your school with the same problem too. Truly, you're not alone. With making close friends, courage can be a big factor, as well as trust. But it's not impossible by any means, even if it feels that way from the social anxiety.

I think, the best way to start might be to open yourself up a little and take a risk. Not a bad risk, but a good one. Take a chance and enroll, on impulse, 12am in the middle of the night if you have to, in one of those clubs or something you're interested in outside of school, or even online like a discord chat or something like that. Online friends count too, seriously. Whatever it is, it just needs to be one thing you can jump into and do.

Sorry for suggesting what may feel impossible- just I feel getting out of your comfort zone and meeting someone new may work out better than getting depressed over the present. Becoming close friends comes after many conversations, so really tackling that social anxiety instead of being controlled by it may be the most efficient way. Feel free to reply if I misunderstood your post or anything! Wish you all the best in year 12.

WJD · ‎10-01-2018

Hello gunnedo

Thanks for the suggestions.

My parents normally organise all my appointments and they're on holidays currently, so talking to my gp isn't really an option for me, at least until they get back.

I've got into the habit of listening to music lately and that has helped. Watching movies also really helps me keep my mind off things going on in life. I've never tried meditating but I don't think it would be any more effective than all my other coping mechanisms. I will give it a try and see how it goes.

I've however noticed lately that whenever I do indulge in my coping mechanisms, that lonely/isolated feeling (I don't really know how to describe it) is sometimes still there when previously that wasn't the case. It's a very on and off thing, but it's got to the point where I don't really know how to control it anymore.

blondguy · ‎11-01-2018

Hello WJD

You have great strength to write this thread topic as it effects so many people including myself as I have had some social anxiety for a while now and its a pain.

Year 12 (and good you) takes a heap of hard work to achieve making it as far as you have. I have been on the forums for two years and have a family member that left school in year 10 'as it was too hard'

I have had generalised anxiety for a long time now and it does go away eventually which is the good news

Can I ask if you have been diagnosed with 'Social Anxiety' by a GP/Counselor/Therapist ?

Spl Spl and gunnedo have written great posts above saying you are not the only person that feels this way

I really feel your pain as when I was in year 12, I was a mixed up mess as there is so much happening in such a short time.

You are not alone feeling the way you do WJD

You are an amazing proactive person for having the strength to post.

I really hope you can stick around the forums WJD

My Kind thoughts

Paul

WJD · ‎11-01-2018

Hello blondguy

Thanks for the encouraging words.

In response to your question, yes I have. I go to CBT every 3 or so weeks to try and better manage my anxiety. I've been doing that for about the past 6 months and made small improvements, but nothing significant.