Just want my dad to love me

[chloeashley]

So I am new to this forum thing but I’ve been feeling extremely down all day, I got a new prescription for my anti depressants today after not having any for almost a week and it’s really getting to me. My dad also suffers from depression and is an alcoholic and a gambler, he would rather waste away than bother even messaging his 17 year old daughter on her birthday. He’s been this way for years now. Also living with his dad as well, he’s a 44 year old still living with his father. My dad has always refused help. He passed his depression on to me and he has no idea just how much his abandonment has ruined me. Just the other day for the first time a boy cuddled with me, a boy I had no feelings for or do what so ever, he was just sad and so was I. But after it I had to have a bath and wash myself. All I could think was ‘I want my dad’. I can’t do anything or move on knowing that my father doesn’t love me enough to hang around. I just need someone to show me how not to feel guilty about actually having a guy show interest. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why I always feel so shitty,

coudling is nothing compared to what most teenagers get up to now a days, but it’s made me want to never get involved with a guy. I have always been this way. The first time a guy kissed me a went home and balled m eyes out. Can someone body people please help me to understand or tell me if this is common...

[xCrumpetx]

Hello

I hope you are ok. Im not sure how to help but i think you are a nice person. Good luck on your medication and stay stong 🙂

from crumpet

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi chloeashley,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here and sharing your story. I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that you feel like your Dad doesn't love you.

Hearing that makes me feel really sad, so instead I'm going to go straight to your question and go from there.

All of us are born wanting to be loved. Nobody gets a say in that. Sometimes we are loved in the way that we are needed; and sometimes we aren't. It sounds like with your Dad being an alcoholic and a gambler he's never really been able to show you and give you the love that you needed - and deserved. It makes total sense that you'd be feeling shitty. It's common for a lot of people to struggle with this.

Especially too when it comes to other relationships that aren't even your Dad - like random guys. Sometimes people look for guys to help them fill that gap that their Dad's can't or didn't. Whether as other times it feels too weird to receive love or attention because they never got it elsewhere. I'm not sure which one applies to you. Maybe it's neither - and that's okay.

What you are feeling is normal but you don't always have to feel this way. Sometimes it can really help to be able to talk about this stuff in person, if you'd be up for that kind of thing. If not, that's fine too. I hope at the very least this has helped let you know that this isn't uncommon and it's okay for you to be feeling shitty right now.