Low again, body image - tips?

ac1991 · ‎10-09-2016

Hi everyone

Lately I have reached a low point again in what I call my "cycle" of depression and anxiety. This year all together has been a stressful one seeing as I lost my grandfather in March and my mother has been undergoing chemotherapy since May to treat her breast cancer. This has contributed to my stress. My second round of exams are coming up soon, but my school has still decided to give my year group assessments every 2 weeks which doesn't leave much time for relaxing or exam study. As soon as I finish one assessment, there is another one to prepare for. But I suppose thats what school is like for an ATAR student. I have never enjoyed the social aspect of school and it makes me very depressed and anxious because I often feel that I am more mature than the other people in my year (not to sound arrogant) but I am not as interested in chasing after boys or partying every weekend like most are, and the drama is something I don't like to involve myself in. Body image is getting to me recently, and while I have not been happy with my body for a few years now, I was doing so well lately. I started doing hardcore exercise and eating healthily, I was excited to start seeing results in my body and I felt as though something had to change as a result of my hard work. Nothing has changed yet. Suddenly I have lost control again. The thought of exercise outside makes me incredibly anxious, and I hate myself even for eating anything containing dairy as I worry it will contribute to weight gain. I try to stay away from meat because I have a fear of food poisoning and my diet has become so restricted that I hate myself even for eating bread. I have cut out dairy, most meat, processed sugar, I limit myself to one piece of bread a day (sometimes the exception of 2) I feel ugly all the time compared to my friends who always seem thinner and prettier than me, they don't have acne like I do and I feel like they know I am the "ugly" friend. My closest friend is also weight conscious and I constantly feel like I have to do as much exercise as she does, or she will "win" (stupid, I know). I shouldn't compare myself to others, but its nearly impossible not to. I am constantly bloated to the point where I look pregnant, and I am tired of resenting myself but it is so hard not to. I'm sure this is a typical teenage girl problem, but it makes me so self conscious to the point where I feel depressed about who I am. I'm wasting time hating myself but don't know how to stop.

ac1991 · ‎11-09-2016

Just to clarify for anybody who gets confused - I am not just eating one to two pieces of bread a day, I meant I am only allowing myself to have that many on top of the other food I eat throughout the day

geoff · ‎11-09-2016

hi Ac, welcome to the site, but I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather and your mum having to go through chemo which must have been a great shock for her as well as for you.
I actually do believe in these cycles of depression and anxiety and believe that anything could spark them off, and when you have the constant pressure of extra assessmentsthen this could easily trigger them off.
There is no reason why you have to chase after boys, as I wasn't interested until year 12 had finished, whereas my mates were always saying 'how good a time they had last night'.
Once you start comparing yourself to what others are doing then problems may happen, there's no need to do this, let them do what they want to do so then you can get on with your own life.
I was a fat kid at primary school and that's what I was called, but I was lucky I could run and chase these people, but then suddenly I lost all that weight as time progressed, so what you look like now isn't going to be the way you look later on in life.
Have some faith in what you can do in life and then everything does change as you grow a little bit older.
Good luck with all these exams. Geoff.

PLUMJUICE · ‎23-09-2016

Hey!

As a past ATAR student, let me tell you it gets better after you leave. Also, know that even if you do fail there is always other ways to get into university. Failing is not a testament to who you are, but sometimes life put's you through crap were you aren't able to perform your best. It's not your fault.!

As for school I was alienated a lot during high school because I never attended as I had to look after my grandma who had cancer. Your life experiences mould you! Sometimes I struggled relating to my peers because, I felt that people couldn't relate to my experience. But there are people who feel just like you. I know I did! When I read a pamphlet about youth carers who looked after there parents, siblings and grandparents I cried. It'll make you feel better to know there are people just like you. Going through the same struggles. It helped me close a wounds I had from that period.

I find it best to not nit pick your body. Try to view your body as just something that is yours and don't attach emotion to it.. It helps trust me. On what I call "grotty days" were you feel gross just reside in the fact that your body is in flux. Yes today you feel gross but it will be different tomorrow. Also, try focusing on the health aspect of exercise and the amazing things your body can do helps boost my confidence. When I beat my goals I feel invincible!.

Comparing is honestly a self-love crime. Whenever I compare myself I counteract with "well one day we'll all be in the ground and no one will give a damn that your thighs here 5 cm larger then Mary Sues!". It's quite cynical, but I feel better after HAHA..

(P.S YOUR BODY IS NOT A TESTAMENT TO YOUR BEAUTY! BEAUTY IS A PECULIAR WOMEN WHO REVEALS HERSELF IN MANY WAYS)

stay safe & loved

plumjuice-

MsPurple · ‎24-09-2016

Hi AC. Sorry to hear about your grandmother and mum. I hope your mum is doing well.

I know year 12 is hard. We are so stressed about the final number, but I will tell you now the final number doesn't mean anything 2 years after year 12. I may not have gotten the ATAR I wanted but I have graduated from uni with the degree I wanted (I did it the back way but still did it). Try not be too concerned with the score but just try do your best

I am sorry to here about your body image problems. I know when I was 15 I struggled with it to the point I severely restricted my food as well. It was exhausting. It lead to me having iron deficiency, muscle wastage, I lost my periods for a while and I developed an eating disorder. I know how exhausting it is to fear food and to be concerned that if your break your ritual that it will equal a bad body day. I was referred to the CAMHS team and now I am fully recovered. I want you to know that you maybe struggling now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can recover. I am also concerned about your food restrictions, they don't sound healthy for a growing teenager (remember bones and some organs are still developing even at 18). Dairy has lots of vitamins and minerals including calcium, protein, phosphorous etc and especially as you are still young and your bones are still developing peak bone density, this is very important. Also I want you to know that carbs are not the enemy. We use carbs as energy to function (not just to walk but for our blood to pump our body, to sleep, to heal etc) and restricting it may affect your ability to concentrate at school. We need a balanced diet to provide our bodies with adequate energy and nutrients to function so restricting it can cause the body to shut down and it may cause some issues long term. I suggest you talk to your GP or counsellor about your concerns, because I wish I did earlier because the further in you get the harder it is to get out of it. There is no shame in getting help and you can never do it too soon. Eating disorders and poor body image can happen to anyone. Any race, size, gender.

If you want some tips on healthy eating and how to eat a balanced diet visit the 'Dietitians Association of Australia' website. This is a professional website from people who have studied nutrition (including medical nutrition) at university for 4-5 years and they are qualified from regulatory bodies recognised by the Australian government.

I hope this helps.

Purple

ac1991 · ‎05-06-2017

Hi MsPurple, they are both doing a lot better now thanks. It definitely is, and like you say it is important to remember ATAR wont really mean a thing when school is over. It did get worse for me, and I began restricting more and lost a lot of weight but am now trying to take care of myself and accept my body, going about things in a healthier way. I really appreciate this, and am glad to hear that you have recovered. I can only imagine how hard it would have been to pull yourself out of that, I am sure it required great strength and determination. This has helped me more than words can describe. thankyou!

ac1991 · ‎05-06-2017

Thankyou for the advice, you're definitely right. As for boyfriends/girlfriends, people get into relationships at their own pace and thats something I have to realise so thank you for reassuring me. I am trying not to compare myself to people as much, and focus on my individuality. Thanks so much for the help Geoff, you're absolutely right.

ac1991 · ‎05-06-2017

Thanks PlumJuice, you are right about that. Excited to finish school and begin life as an adult (although I'll try not to wish the rest of school away too quickly), and many people including yourself have opened my eyes to the fact that atar is not my only way of getting into what I want to do. So thankyou. I am sorry to hear about your school experience, something like that must have been incredibly hard to endure. It definitely gives me comfort to know people are out there going through the same thing. Exercise has become a consistent in my life now, so I can agree with that completely! Thanks so much for the advice!