Disassociation/depersonalisation?

[ashleighhh97]

Hi all,

(For context my diagnosis are BPD, clinical depression, panic disorder, general anxiety disorder, high functioning autism - as a child also conduct disorder and ODD).

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist at 3pm. At 1 I made myself lunch, the last thing I remember before 3pm was taking my food out of the oven, then three seconds later I'm at my desk in my room, with the plate of food eaten, my computer on, my guitar sitting next to me, and it's 3:01pm. It takes me almost an hour to get to my psychiatrist so I had no hope of making it. In almost two hours I had eaten, played guitar, used my computer and I don't remember a thing, but clearly I was physically conscious. I've heard the words disassociation and depersonalisation thrown around, especially with BPD and autism. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I need to know wtf is wrong with me. This happens somewhat often too.

Thanks.

[Sophie_M]

Hi ashleighhh97, thanks for posting again.

While you're waiting for replies from the community, can you revisit your earlier thread (below)? There are unanswered replies from other members there.  You're more likely to get responses here on the forums if you reply to others who have taken the time to reach out to support you:

I can't hold down a job (BPD? ASD?)

[azarrah]

Hey there Ashleigh,

I have experienced something similar once, though not as "totally" as you. I remember one evening, I was just chilling, not doing much, and I didn't notice the passing of about 3 hours. I heard my roommate come home from a party, and thought "wow, that's early, I thought she'd be out past midnight", thinking it was only about 10pm. It was actually 1am. When I realised that, fear flooded me, especially after I tried to recount what I had been doing between dinner and the nail-painting, and just couldn't. I had vague ideas, but couldn't put them in order, or explain what time they had happened. Fortunately, it has never happened to me again. I tell you this story so that you know that you're not alone, and you're not going crazy. Lots of people experience this.

What you're describing sounds like depersonalisation, especially if it happens more than once. If you can, I would speak with a GP or psychologist about it. They can help you understand why it happened (which often makes it seem less scary), and find the best strategies for you, to stop it happening again.

Best of luck!