Lost

[usedtobehappy]

Help.

Not sure where to start.

Ive struggled with anxiety my whole life. Im an extrovert and find that interactions with other people determine my moods. since leaving school Ive always struggled with people now being busy with work etc and feel like no one makes any effort with me.

Ive had falling outs with friends and over the last few months I've been incredibly depressed and anxious. It started with a split with my boyfriend and feeling like it was all my fault. I was very comfortable in the relationship that I didn't know how to be alone. I had fights with friends over this period of time as well and they haven't been supportive of me and never understand my point of view and always make me feel like I'm a horrible person and I'm finding that I'm starting to hate myself.

I have recently got back together with boyfriend.During the time we were apart i was saying and doing a lot of things because of the anger and hurt I was feeling. Now that we are back together I'm constantly having battles in my head because I feel like I could ruin the relationship for a 2nd time at any moment. I won't see him for a few days and I'm constantly over thinking things and worrying about what he's thinking and that at any moment it could be over. due to falling outs with my friends I feel like I have no one to turn to and I don't want to be known as 'that depressed , attention seeking girl'.

I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and am feeling very unmotivated.

I am on medication and have been for a few years now but I eventually would like to get off it.

I was always known as the happy and enthusiastic girl in school and was never someone who took life seriously and was able to manage my anxieties. .

I see people on social media who go out with groups of friend and enjoy themselves every weekend without a care in the world and I envy it.

I always check in on people and would do anything for anyone and I just want people to do the same for me.

I just want to enjoy life and be able to feel normal

[White_Rose]

Dear Usedtobehappy

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a good place to talk about the MH difficulties and the other difficulties that arise from this. You can come here and vent any time you want. Meanwhile, lets talk about your post.

You have a lot of insight about yourself and can identify areas where you have difficulty. You are not alone in this as many people find areas of life difficult. Not sure if that helps, I want you to know that before you start believing no one else has difficulties. I also find interactions with others can change my mood, sometimes good and not so good at other times. Again this is quite normal.

When you say you have been depressed do you mean clinically depressed or simply unhappy? These are two very different things. How is your mood now that you are back with your BF? If you are as unhappy now as you were without your BF then I suggest a visit to your GP. It may be you need a change of medication. This is not the end of the world as sometimes meds lose their efficacy and a change helps you to get back on track.

How did you manage your friendships at school? Did you fight or was it all OK? Leaving school is a huge change for everyone, and then starting work or uni/college is another big change. People do change and often friends drift away from each other. There are many people who dislike being alone and feel a sense of panic in this situation. This can lead to saying or doing some things you wish you had not done. It's part of learning to live in the big world.

I want to offer a word of caution about social media. No one writes on the various sites that they are having a rotten time. It's easy enough to put up a photo and tell the world how wonderful life is. It's not always true that everyone has a great life except you. Many of the subscribers are as unhappy as you.

You sound like a caring person checking on your friends and being prepared to help. Not everyone feels that way and it can be disappointing. So I suggest you find activities that you enjoy. Are you sporty, artistic, like reading, bush-walking? Would you like to volunteer somewhere such as a pet refuge? Think about the things you enjoy and build your life round these things. Do not depend on your BF to provide all the support in your life.

Have a look in the BB Social Zone and perhaps visit the cafe or join in the various games. There are people to talk to and have some fun. Please write in again and tell us how you are going.

Mary

[usedtobehappy]

Hi Mary

I often think when I'm having a moment about this and how other people also struggle and it has been something that seems to get me going again. I also find myself saying 'other people have it worse etc'. But these things only last for a short period of time and I feel like they're something I use to avoid my own deeper issues (if that makes sense).

Im not sure. Its only been in the last 2 or so months Ive been really struggling but before that Ive been able to manage myself pretty well with my anxiety. But now that a few things have happened and changed im finding it hard to re adjust and find my feet. When im at work or with my boyfriend and just around people in general I feel calm and have a positive spike in my mood. Then I will come home and be on my own and my mind will race and race till I find myself worked up and upset again. My GP has suggested a change in medication but Ive been avoiding it because I really wanted to work on things without them in a more natural way.

School was the best and I wish I never had to leave. I did have fights with people along the way , but I think that was just an overall maturity thing as everyone was also experiencing dramas that I now look back on and think how stupid they were. Overall I was very social and had a lot of friends.

The past year or so Ive been involved in a bit of drama. Ive been finding that Ive been a lot less tolerant for things and saying things out of frustration that haven't been responded to well. Im quite impulsive with my actions but as soon as I do something I know straight away that it was stupid or uncesssary. Realising this I have been trying to be more cautious but due to overthinking things so much it has been hard to calm myself into not lashing out.

I think I just feel like something's always missing and I'm never entirely pleased but I can justify it. I just wish I could let it go and be happy with what I do have because I feel like I'm going to ruin it all by myself if I don't.

I do like being outdoors and often go to the dog beach or bushwalks or to the gym etc but it has been hard feeling motivated to do anything lately.

I know I can't depend on people entirely. But then I just get sad again because i feel like if I can't does that mean there's a chance they're going to leave?

Thanks for your reply

[White_Rose]

Hello UTBH

OK to shorten your name?

Knowing that others struggle with various aspects of their lives can be useful as it confirms you are not the only one with problems. But it stops there. Other people's problems are just that, other people's. To say to yourself 'I should be able to manage because look what is happening to X' is pointless and can be damaging for you. People cope in different ways and each person has their own specific area of difficulty. For all sorts of reasons there are people who cope with huge problems and those who do not.

This does not make one person better than another, or worse than another. Just different. Your anxiety has put you in a place you most certainly do not want to be and you want to climb out. Good. Saying I ought to feel better or behave better and I can do this by myself does not very often work. Working on your anxiety on your own, in a more natural way, is a bit of self delusion. At least it is if you want to heal fairly quickly.

Your anxiety is making your life difficult in many ways. You say you don't want to be alone, you are afraid friends will leave you, you are impulsive in your actions and speech to your detriment, you are frustrated. I can definitely relate to the impulsive actions. Got me into all sorts of troubles. You feel something is missing in your life.

These are all very normal feelings. Unfortunately you think about these events until you get totally confused which is not the usual way of dealing with it. You become anxious and that makes you unhappy. I gather you are still taking the medication your GP prescribed. What is the problem about taking a different medication? Or taking medication at all? If you broke your leg would you leave it to heal by itself? Would you refuse pain meds? Highly unlikely.

I know there is a perception that mental illness is something to be ashamed of and by taking meds you are admitting you are a loser. In fact it takes courage and hard work to get well again and meds are only part of the healing process. Talk to your GP, book a long appointment, and let him/her tell you why a change in meds is good. Ask if there is anything else you can do. You may benefit from counselling. I don't know and cannot advise you. But your GP knows you and has the training to help you. Going for a chat does not commit you to anything and you may find it helpful.

Come here and chat. Print this thread to show your GP. It will give a good idea of where you are struggling.

Mary