Lost, confused and directionless in uni

[nxrza]

Currently, I am 19 and almost finishing my 2nd year of uni but I feel so lost and directionless about life. This year, I transferred to a new course at uni that I thought I would enjoy but I'm absolutely hating it and also not particularly happy about the fact that it is one of the courses people may deem as "useless", unlike what I was studying last year. Originally, I was studying a different but I had a terrible time, disliking both my course as well as the fact that I barely made any friends and was always alone and was adamant on switching. I'm currently unable to switch back but I also don't think that I have a future with my current course career-wise and I'm feeling utterly lost and confused to the point where I break down constantly. I come from a family and culture where an undergraduate degree is expected and feel ashamed and utterly inferior to my friends who are currently now more than halfway through their courses. I have little motivation and I'm not sure what I want to do. I don't think deferring is really an option for me given my family circumstances but I also just feel really hopeless, lost and incompetent. What should I do?

[BballJ]

Hi Nxrza,

Firstly, welcome to the forums, and well done for posting your story. Hopefully you can find some answers you are looking for.

I think one thing to keep in mind here is the fact that you are only 19 and i can't say i have met many 19 years old who know exactly what they want out of their life, regardless of university course they are enrolled in. There does seem to be a lot of pressure on you to succeed in Uni given your family circumstances which is always an extra stress on top of the stress that comes with uni. Is there a counsellor at the uni you may have been speaking to regarding all of this?

I don't think its fair on your that you feel you can't change your course again... it's your life and you want to be 100% happy with what you do... I'm 28 years old and was considering going back to university as i wasn't sure my current career path was right for me.

My best for you.

Jay

[MsPurple]

HI nxrza thanks for reaching out. I know how it feels to be a little lost at uni. I transfered courses in my first 6 months, however I always intended on transfering into that course. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a job with my bachelor degree but I decided to finish it anyways. I ended up doing a post-graduate afterwards. (could you do a post-grad after your course? There are so many pathways its not all about bachelor degrees anymore) I know a lot of people that start uni and realise their course may not be for them and thats ok. I was so stuck thinking about my future and my career that I wasn't living in the moment. I know so many people that study one course but find a career that they couldn't imagine while studying (for example I know a guy who did aeroplane engineering and now he is an airport manager). At the end of the day you need to do what makes you happy. Don't finish a course because you think its right, do it because you want to do it. Although you need to have a future in mind, try not live in the future, try live in the moment and see where it takes you. You are only 19, so young and you can do anything you choose. It's easier said than done but try not stress too much about uni and whether you should be doing it. I wish while I was at uni I lived more in the moment and not in the future. Remember you are 19, try not put to much stress on yourself and try not compare yourself to your friends and where they are at uni. They may even feel the same way you do.

[Riley_Karl]

Hi Nxryza,

I am very sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I have had very similar feelings of disillusion myself. To fight this issue, I believe it is crucial to trust in your intuition, and believe that the dots will join up in the future. This is a lesson that I borrowed from Steve Jobs, who said the same thing during his Stanford commencement speech, and it is very true. Whether we like it or not, we have a limited control over our career-paths. Many young people make the mistake of viewing their University studies in the same way that they viewed their high school years. If 100 students enter high school at the same time, it is likely that they will all graduate at the same time too. University (and life after University) does not work this way. I understand that this may seem obvious to you, but many young people seem to neglect this idea nonetheless, and in some cases it can seriously affect their self-esteem, and also their vision of where they hope to be in the future. You should never look at your University studies as though it has some kind of 'magic formula' structure that you need to follow. Your time at University is a personal journey of self discovery. I am sorry if that sounds very hippie, but it is true. In your case, I believe it is important to accept a certain level of uncertainty in regards to where your degree will lead you. Nobody in the world is truly certain of where they are going. In fact, I am sure that some of your friends are probably having very similar feelings to you; it is normal. That being said, what separates people on this issue is the confidence that they have in what they are doing right now. You may not know where you will end up in terms of you career (In my case, I certainly do not), but if you can be confident in the routine you have potential for right now, then that will make all the difference. The final point I would like to make is that although it is important that you ultimately end up doing what you love, that does not mean you will always be doing it. As young people, many of us are still working towards the light at the end of the tunnel. To be in a position where you love what you are doing, for most people, is the finish line, not the starting line. Your life (and you work) will always be vastly different from your friends', so try not to compare yourself to them, and instead try to re-establish faith in your potential by consolidating your goals and ambitions.

Regards,

Riley