Sucky Breakup

[Kafrha]

Hi, my boyfriend and I were dating for 3 years on and off as we butt heads regularly. He was really sweet at the start, he bought me flowers when I was sick and we went camping and spent time with each others friends and families. It was the perfect relationship, I was so in love with him it drove me crazy about him.

After about 2 years something in him changed. He stopped doing all these nice things and began treating me like a second choice to his friends and his car. I stuck around because I loved him. He never let me text him on weekends while he was with his friends and I got fed up and began finding the things I needed from other people.

I know that is a terrible thing to do and no one should ever do that to their partner but it felt nice being with the one you loved and still getting the attention I needed. I feel very very guilty and never told him. I quickly realised it wasnt right and stopped all of that behavior straight away.

After weeks of telling him I wasnt happy, all the butterflies and the feeling of being in love went away. I knew I loved him but I wasnt in love with him the way I needed to in order to be in a relationship. This woke him up and he started working harder for me then ever, the feelings began coming back but after a year of being hurt and pushed to the side it was hard letting myself feel for him strongly again. A few more weeks passed and O tried hard to let my guard down and one day it did and I felt amazing. He was treating me better, my feelings were back and we were hanging out again. It felt healthy and right.

2 days ago I asked him why he had been grumpy and arguing with me the day before and out of nowhere he replies by breaking up with me via text message. It was easy at first as I began to feel very angry at this.

We exchanged all our belongings and now I feel nothing but empty and anxious. My anxiety is so bad I dont think i can work or go out or do anything.

I dont want him back i just dont know how to cope with feeling so terrible all the time.

Please help

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Kafrha,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting.

I'm so sorry that this happened. I really am. But unfortunately I don't have many words for you. Breakups suck. They are brutal. We put all this effort and love and hard-work into them, and then boom - our heart explodes. Often there is nothing that anyone can say to really 'fix it' or make it work. We're hurting, and for a good reason. It sounds like this guy was really sweet and it sounds like you had a lot of good memories together.

My best advice for you is to wrap yourself around feel-good things; friends, family, music, TV shows - doesn't really matter as long as it's a comfort. Cope how you need to cope. Cry if you want to, scream if you want to - some people like to run, others like to binge watch Netflix. There's no wrong answer here - especially when it's only 2 days ago so it's still super painful.

Also remind yourself that this won't last forever and things won't always feel this way.

[Guest_322]

Hi Kafrha,

You sound completely heart broken. Even if you don't want him back, breakups are almost always very painful. Your emotional system is still in shock.

I think technology is wonderful and helps so many of us connect but I do feel that breaking up with you via text was rather cold of him. Here's a virtual hug (if that's okay).

I think that romantic_thi3f hit the nail on the head when she advised you to "cope how you need to cope."

I think her words sum it up beautifully. There's no right or wrong to grieving the end of a relationship. Break out the ice-cream bucket, turn up the music, call a friend; do what you need to do.

Sometimes the strongest thing that you can do is to let yourself feel what you need to feel but with the support of loved ones around you.

If it's any comfort, I went through a difficult breakup not that long ago. It was excruciating when it ended (even though I knew it was a very toxic relationship).

I wallowed and wallowed (then wallowed some more), and wondered when on earth I would feel better. But that day arrived. Today, I can listen to songs that remind me of him and not cry, in fact, I can even give a bemused smile.

Here's to hoping that one day, it will hurt a little (or a lot) less for you too.

Dottie x

[geoff]

hi Kafrha, I don't know if there is any decent way to overcome a break-up, especially when you were in love with him so much, but you can still love somebody even though you're not showing it, love has such a tangled meaning to it in so many different ways which can change so often throughout our life, where one day the love is there but then the next day it's all gone.
When a relationship becomes manipulated such as he doesn't want you to text him while he's with his mates, doesn't mean that he is truly in love with you, because then you become second best behind his mates and indeed that's how you feel.
Of course this is demoralising for you, to feel as though you are only being used by his commands, and that's not true love, that's not what two people in love do, they communicate and enjoy everything together, and sure therewill be some hicc-ups along the way, but that's how you get to know your partner better becuse you want to and you're interested.
You have shown some strength here because this relationship wouldn't last in the long run, so you have decided that you don't want him back.
With every relationship you will learn so much as they are all different, as there will be greater joys and always some disappointments and that's we all learn about life.
Try and regain your strength once more, it will happen again, as soon as some young chap enters your world at some time in the future. Geoff. x