Lonely in a Small Town and Looking for Support

[Ghost_Girl]

Hello BB members, I'm new here and am looking for some guidance. I'm 19 years old and I live in a small town. I'm really struggling lately because of my lack of a boyfriend/a really intimate close friend(s). I used to feel like I wasn't achieving anything since school ended because my friends went to uni, I didn't have a job and was generally not as successful or "grown-up" as my peers but things have been going really well for me lately; I've started doing a Cert 4 at TAFE, I finally got my drivers license, and I'm possibly going to be starting a council traineeship soon so now I have much more independence and more hope for my future but the more goals I tick off the list, the more pathetic I feel as far as my friendships and love life go. 3 of the people I went to school with are already engaged and I've never even had a boyfriend before. I didn't have any close friends until the middle of high school and now that they're at uni, I'm back to square one. I have friends around here but I don't have any really close friends that I can confide in, laugh with, and spend lots of time with. I wish I had a way to meet people but there's just not a lot of opportunities around here to hang out with people my age post high school. I was really hopeful I would make friends at TAFE and I've actually met a couple of people I get along well with but for the most part, the TAFE campus here is not very populated and thus not a great way to meet new friends. Going back to my love life, which has been the biggest factor in my depression lately, I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place because one of the only ways to meet single people around here is through dating apps which make me feel miserable but being single also makes me feel miserable. I'm so lonely that I have to imagine I have a boyfriend just to get out of bed and get through the day. I know I must sound pretty pathetic but I just feel really isolated, lost, and alone and I could use some support right now.

[insertaname]

I

[insertaname]

Silly computer.

I do not think you need a boyfriend. What you first need is a network of friends and family who are close to. You have achieved things e.g. getting a cert 4 and getting your driver's license. To be honest, each person has their own pace and I've never had a boyfriend until about Year 12.

I don't want to generalise but he was only after one thing...

Your friends may have achievements at university - but let me tell you I would rather go to tafe than university... the university i attend taught me nothing for the last 6 months!!!

Who cares if they're engaged... there's also the word divorce, pre-nuptials... Why must you have a boyfriend or a confidante? Is there something personal that you want to discuss?

Besides people change, and I wish you the best in finding people who you can rely on.

J

[Ghost_Girl]

Thanks for the reply insertaname but I don't really think you understand. You say I need a network of close friends and yet I said in my original post that I don't have any close friends currently in my area. You say I don't need a boyfriend and yet I'm literally failing to function because I don't have one... The only way I can stop myself from feeling worthless and depressed all day is by spending time with an imaginary boyfriend... Do you not think that's extremely unhealthy? I agree about TAFE being more beneficial for me than university so that's something I guess.

[Ghost_Girl]

No more responses... I should have known no-one would care about what I have to say

[insertaname]

I'm going to butt in and say what your thoughts are like are reminiscent of my younger sister. She ended up in an unhealthy relationship where he would use her sexually and for money. So I'm sorry that you feel you were not listened to and that you live in a small town.

People read things differently - so in other words what you thought you wrote quite clearly in your post did not come across clearly.

Jennifer

Make the most of what you have got!

[Ghost_Girl]

Believe me I try to make the most of what I've got and I'm honestly really grateful for the things I've been achieving lately and the people in my life. I'm sorry about your sister but I wouldn't be worried about me ending up in the same situation, I may crave a relationship but I still know my worth. I guess I'm just really struggling to find a way to combat my loneliness and my feelings of inadequacy regarding my lack of life experiences. Thank you for taking the time to reply Jennifer

[insertaname]

I am so glad to hear that you value yourself - your earlier posts worried me a lot!

It does get being lonely but sometimes during those times it can make you a stronger person. You can rely on yourself and you don't have to second guess yourself. - I am a bit of a loner I struggled with it for years since Year 10 really but I guess I'm ok with feeling lonely. If you can fake or develop confidence in yourself you will achieve what you want. Everyone in the world has inadequacies - I for one am a socially awkward person in real life.

I also do not have a lot of experiences but then again it depends on how you personally define experiences. Experience is just a word but it means many things. You're not inadequate and you're doing the right thing by coming here to talk on this forum... but this space seems to limited in responses

Sorry if i hurt your feelings, but if you still want to chat we can do that too.

Jennifer

[SammyB]

Hi Ghost Girl,

Please know that we care about you.

I understand how difficult it can be to resist comparing yourself to your friends. I think a lot of us can relate to you on this. As Jennifer has touched on, we are all on our own journey, with our own unique experiences, goals and interests yet can be so hard on ourselves with thinking ‘I should be at the same stage in life as them’. Not having a close support circle to lean on when feeling lost and alone can make things even more difficult . You say that your TAFE campus is not very populated, is there any opportunity to start up a club or group that may help with creating more opportunities to meet new people? Hang in there,

Sammy

[Ghost_Girl]

Don't worry, you didn't hurt my feelings, I just felt a bit misunderstood and ignored at first. You're all good now though