I feel so alone and like my life has no meaning

[Ghost_Girl]

Hello BB forum users. As the title suggests, I'm currently struggling with loneliness (and have been consistently struggling with it for a year now.) I'm 19 years old and graduated high school about a year ago. The few friends I made there are at uni now and have lots of new friends whereas because I'm still living in my small home town, I've barely made any. What's worse is whenever my friends have been back in town they've been too busy to meet up with me and I'm starting to feel like our lives are too different for us to continue being close especially since the last few times I chatted with them on FB messenger, their answers seemed very short and impersonal. Another thing I've been struggling with immensely is lack of intimacy and sexual frustration. I've never had sex or even kissed anyone and I'm constantly fantasizing about finally being physical with someone and it makes me so depressed. Masturbation barely does anything for me anymore and I just wish I could finally experience sexual connection or even just platonic affection. I don't even remember the last time I've been hugged by somebody. I've tried to meet other single people but one of the only ways to do that around here is on dating apps which make me feel really objectified and I just don't feel like they've got what I'm looking for. The more and more lonely and frustrated I get, the more I feel like maybe I should just swallow my pride and embrace random hookups like so many other people my age have. On a more positive note, I'm planning on joining the local theatre group and youth council early next year which should hopefully provide me with opportunities to get out of the house and meet people but I just can't help but have no motivation to truly live my life since so many of the positive social/intimacy experiences I've had this year have been figments of my imagination. I know this must be a lot to unpack but I just feel so depressed and misunderstood and could really use some guidance.

[smallwolf]

Hi Ghost Girl,

I hope the first part of my post does not sound too fatherly - there was a kid a couple of door around from where i live who was around the same age as my kids. Let's say that up until middle of primary school they had similar likes. But as time went on there interests change and sort of fell apart. The break between high school and Uni can be another instance were friends may grow apart - this also happened to my son. And after Uni, they might lose some or many of the friendships from their college days.

I think however that it is not the number of friends, but the quality of friendships that count. You said that you have not made many new friends - these could be life long friendships? Those who you are friends with, can you have deep conversations with them? If not, what would stop you?

On lack of intimacy - the person who my first real relationship was with was with the person who became my wife and I was older than you are now. If you did swallow your pride, and did as other your age, how would that make you feel? My son is of a similar age to you and friends do the same as you mention and he cannot understand it himself.

While everything looks grim at the moment you are making attempts to do something about it next year. New possibilities, new connections. Something to look forward to.

One this that I am fairly confident about is that loneliness and negative thoughts can smother any good that may be in our lives.

I wonder if you might be able to tell me about your life - what you do with your days? what things are you passionate about? what do you want to do?

Listening to you,

Tim

[Ghost_Girl]

Hey smallwolf, thanks for taking the time to respond. I actually just had a long phone conversation with one of my friends from uni and it turns out the reason they haven't been able to talk much lately is because they've had lots of things going on so I guess I'm not quite as lonely as I thought (and I completely understand the possibility of some of my friendships growing apart.) In response to your question about the new friends I've made, I can't really have deep conversations with them at least at this stage. I'm open to the possibility of growing closer but deeper relationships just haven't formed at this point and it's pretty hard to get close with people after high school especially since a lot of people already have a network of really close friends. In response to your question about how I would feel if I had a random hookup: I would probably feel like shit (but my loneliness makes me feel so worthless and depressed and I just want to lose my virginity and get it over with.) As for what I do during the week; I go to TAFE, attend counselling sessions, walk my dogs, have regular meetings with a job provider and I guess that's about it. I'm passionate about art and drama but don't really have an outlet for those things (joining the theatre group next year will more than likely solve that though.)

[smallwolf]

Hi

Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be open with those around us, even to those whom we might not have spoken to for many years. Well, that is part of my story. And it sounds like you did similar with one of your high school friends. We might even think their life is cozy until you really get to talk to them. What we might say to each other and what we feel can be two different things.

What are you studying at TAFE?

On a random hook up... You said you would feel bad afterwards. And then what? Though I suspect you talk about this with your counselor?

I don't pretend to know anything about dating these days, or how big or small your home town is. Nor would I judge you for any action you take. I wonder if you would make any connections with the people in the art and drama classes next year?

So what have you been up to recently?

Tim

[Ghost_Girl]

Sorry for not responding. I think I’m done with these forums for now. Goodbye and thanks again for trying to help.

[Sophie_M]

Hi all,

We're closing this thread as Ghost_Girl has an older one with a very similar theme here.

For the sake of everyone in our community - those seeking help and those offering it - we ask members to keep to one thread for support if the issues are substantially the same. It makes it really difficult for the community to provide support if they don't have the full story because it is scattered across several very similar threads.