Lonely in a Small Town and Looking for Support

[Ghost_Girl]

Hello BB members, I'm new here and am looking for some guidance. I'm 19 years old and I live in a small town. I'm really struggling lately because of my lack of a boyfriend/a really intimate close friend(s). I used to feel like I wasn't achieving anything since school ended because my friends went to uni, I didn't have a job and was generally not as successful or "grown-up" as my peers but things have been going really well for me lately; I've started doing a Cert 4 at TAFE, I finally got my drivers license, and I'm possibly going to be starting a council traineeship soon so now I have much more independence and more hope for my future but the more goals I tick off the list, the more pathetic I feel as far as my friendships and love life go. 3 of the people I went to school with are already engaged and I've never even had a boyfriend before. I didn't have any close friends until the middle of high school and now that they're at uni, I'm back to square one. I have friends around here but I don't have any really close friends that I can confide in, laugh with, and spend lots of time with. I wish I had a way to meet people but there's just not a lot of opportunities around here to hang out with people my age post high school. I was really hopeful I would make friends at TAFE and I've actually met a couple of people I get along well with but for the most part, the TAFE campus here is not very populated and thus not a great way to meet new friends. Going back to my love life, which has been the biggest factor in my depression lately, I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place because one of the only ways to meet single people around here is through dating apps which make me feel miserable but being single also makes me feel miserable. I'm so lonely that I have to imagine I have a boyfriend just to get out of bed and get through the day. I know I must sound pretty pathetic but I just feel really isolated, lost, and alone and I could use some support right now.

[SammyB]

Hey again Ghost Girl and Jennifer 😊

It’s possible that there may not be a great turn out at first but like many groups, it often takes time to build awareness and interest. It can be quite rewarding to see a group take off and I’m sure you’ll discover like minded people along the way throughout this process...so I'd say go for it! Jennifer has a good point with using social media to gain further interest for your group. Your campus may even have a page set up for students where you can share your ideas and initiative.

It must feel great to have this newfound independence with having your license and sounds like your local theatre group can be another promising opportunity to meet new people. Excited to hear how you go with it.

Sammy

[44Max44]

Hi Ghost Girl,

I'm 20 years old and in the same boat as you. I've never had a girlfriend and have been on a single date in my entire life, as well as really only having one good friend who I've known since I was a kid. Because of this, I feel like I'm way behind the curve in the dating scene, and the older I get the more hesitant I am to get into dating.

Honestly, the whole dating scene confuses me. I've tried online stuff to no avail, and I'm not the type of guy to go out to bars or clubs to meet girls, so I'm lost, to say the least.

I'm sure you and I both will find 'the one' eventually, it's just a matter of when and how, but there's no rush, everyone goes at their own pace.

I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said, but I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone in this.

All the best,
Max.

[Ghost_Girl]

Update: Hey again, BB Forum. I need some support and advice right now. I'm 19 years old, (turning 20 in May) live in a small town (about 7.5 thousand people) and have been job seeking and directionless for about a year now. I started taking a TAFE course which gave me some purpose and hope for the future but then I started struggling with it because of my MH and couldn't access support in my town so tomorrow I have a meeting to get it deferred for a little while but who knows how that will go. I also applied for some council traineeships, the most recent of which being aged care but if that doesn't pan out then I'll have no idea what to do next since I've exhausted almost all my options in town now and even if I do get the job, I'm extremely worried that my anxiety will cause substantial problems since aged care has such intense responsibilities. Luckily the people responsible for the traineeship have talked to my Employment Support Worker and know about my mental health challenges and plan to accommodate me to the best of their abilities but I worry that, that won't be enough. I'm so depressed atm and am starting to think there's no future for me here and that I should just leave. The only problem is that I don't have any friends or family out of town that I can stay with so I would have to sort out a place to stay through more unconventional means i.e. meeting someone on a dating app from a nearby city and hopefully getting asked to move in with him within the next few months. I know this sounds very extreme and is probably not a good idea in the slightest since a guy being clingy enough to fall for me so quickly would be a huge red flag but I'm just so sick of living in a place with no employment opportunities, no love life, no friends and no purpose. I keep telling myself that I have nothing to lose but that isn't quite true since I really love my family, have great mental health support workers and possibly the aforementioned TAFE course and traineeship but I just can't shake the feeling that there's no place for me here. Should I just be grateful for what I have? What can I do?