Hello wonderland, I love your blue hair. Sorry it's been a while and no one has picked up on your post, I hope you are still checking in and are doing ok. It sounds like a yuck frame of mind you're in right now, I know exactly the feeling you mean (and so will many others here) when you say you feel lonely but at the same time want everyone to go away. Depression throws up so many mixed emotions, and all of it makes you feel like you are out of control.
First things first, I think it would be a really good idea to see your family doctor. Since you broke up with your boyfriend it sounds like you have withdrawn further into yourself, and then you've started up with the drinking - probably to blow off steam and make yourself feel better, but it often has the opposite effect if you're depressed and makes you feel even worse. You mention losing weight, it doesn't sound like you're eating properly either which will have an effect on your mood, and will also make the alcohol affect your moods more. You say "everyone" says you can't handle your emotions, but has anyone asked you why you're feeling this way or try to point you towards some help? The web chat counselling on this website can be a good start.
Staying connected with other people is part of rebuilding as well when you're not well like this. You don't have to have a houseful of friends, but is there one person that you're still in touch with, or one person who you've had a good friendship with that you can reach out to?
As I say sorry it's taken so long to respond but I hope you'll come back and talk to us soon.
