I dont know what to do right now.

[Shauno]

Hi, my name is Shaun. I'm a young teenager who's been suffering Depression for 6 years. It all started off when my parents started fighting when I was 8. During Primary school I was bullied during my hole time there. When I was first suffering from Depression my nan was helping me get through this by supporting me and being there for me when I needed that support.

In 2010, I was 9 and found her dead on the floor in her house. That day I fainted and I was barely able to accept the one person who basically only cared for me had died and left the world. I was on my own battling Depression.

My parents fighting grew upon me and they were fighting more often. School and bullying was getting worse, I was going home crying every night until I was asleep. I finally finished year 6 and went to High School. I met this nice teacher who listened and started helping herself and listening to me. She put me into the right direction of where I should of been going in the first place. (By the way, I live where my dads side is so my mums side is 9 hours away so I cannot move to someone else unfortunately.)

I was still getting bullied through High School and my parents fighting go so bad they physically fighted. Because I was being bullied, my grades were dropping and my parents were getting madly angry at me and they started punishing me because of it. So of course that was another spark to my Depression.

This year, I met a new friend. She was awesome. She actually made me feel like I am actually somebody. I felt like life was great and we got so close that we started dating. Then one day she dumped me and she went to somebody and started spreading romours about me. I lost so many friends I was on my own most of the days. So I got so depressed I started self harming. I went to the school counsellor and they told my parents. Well, that wasn't a great idea because my mum was angry & sad at me. She took me to the docotor and they put me on tablets. They recommended for me to go to headpsace. I did, I told my counsellor everything. But I still didn't feel as anything was getting better. So I went back to self harming again. My parents fighting grew more upon me and they were bringing me into their fights. A few weeks ago, the teacher who had been helping for the years had died. I was shatted. Life is getting harder on me? I thought all this help was going to help me.

I don't know what to do with my life right now. Due to the love issue I have, I am upset when I see couples walking past when I am out or when I am at school. I just want to end my life right now but I don't have the guts too? I am scared to tell my counsellor that because she will go straight to my parents. What do I do? I want to get better but life is throwing more negative then positive

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[JupiterDrops]

Hi Shaun.

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time and i really wish i could tell you what to do 😞 I'm new here too and im in a low place but im hoping that we can all help each other out:) 

Stay strong

[mandy6]

Hi Shaun,

I am saddened to hear you feel this way, and your life does seem pretty tough. My parents also fight regularly and it is not a very nice climate to be surrounded by, but always remember to do things which make you happy (for me staring at leafy trees makes me really happy for some reason, maybe you could try it?) (or maybe buy some earplugs to block them out - this worked well for me-). Sometimes when I am feeling really low I remind myself that I should not feel guilty and ashamed of being happy and it immediately brightens my day. I know what I am suggesting is not a solution to your problem in the slightest and it may not even help you, however, whenever I am feeling particularly depressed I am often stubborn and refuse to allow myself to be happy and this just makes it worse. Just know that everyone on this site is here to help you and that your life is extremely valuable and worthwhile you just don't yet realize how valuable it is. good luck and remember that once you finish school everything will change because you will meet more people, have more freedom, and not have to put up with the limited bullies at your school you will also be able to get a job move away from your parents and find some nice people to rent with. the world is your oyster if you let it be.

I hope all goes well for you!

[Shauno]

Hi Mandy,

I am sorry to hear that your parents fight regularly and It's not nice. Fighting is a nasty thing and not only is it bad It's a bad climate to be surrounded to be in as you said. I've been trying to look for ways of getting out of nasty place. My head is in another world, I've never felt so down ever. 

I don't even love myself anymore - when people look at me a straight negative thought ruins through my head (Anxiety). I've been trying to do my homework and find websites that show you ways of copping but so far I've not been able to do that, I mean find them. Look, I personally hope things get better for you. I'm very sadden to hear what you've been going through.

[mandy6]

Hey, hold up!

you shouldn't be feeling sad for me because from reading your post i see that you already have too much sadness in your life. Also if you have difficulty studying I suggest you go to a library and stay there until it closes (usually 6 or 8pm) or until you finish your work. then when you get hope you can watch some comedies (at the moment modern family is the best but if you want to go back a few years you could try something like the nanny, or a bit of fry and laurie, or even black books), or read some neil gaiman (just a suggestion but if you haven't read any of his books you have not yet lived). Sometimes I find it's good to listen to music at the highest volume on my MP3 and just zone out although this is probably really bad for my ears. If none of these seem to work then do some baking or just eat something that you bought because you we'ren't bothered to bake.

also with the stress have you tried using those meditation walkthroughs on youtube? they always help me when I want to relax, however they do lead to a sleep which you don't want to wake up from so I advise to do them just before bed or maybe in the morning when you have a lot of energy and can recover quickly.

have fun!