Hi Yellowmango
Firstly well done on taking the plunge and reaching out to the
beyondblue forum. It must have been pretty daunting and I think it’s a really
brave step. My response is more from the perspective of a
Psychology student, so I hope you get some other replies and advice from people in a similar situation.
I think many people will be able to identify with those aspirations you
had as an 18 year old. I certainly do!! I too expected to end up doing a job
that I loved, travelling, and just generally living a life that I relished. The
reality hasn’t quite matched that unfortunately! I’m now in my 30s, having
never managed to find The Right Job, so am back at uni to try and get me to
where I thought I would be by now : )
The job market is pretty tough, so I can imagine you may have taken a job you didn’t want, just to get a foot in the
door? I think that’s probably a decision a lot of people have to take, at least
when starting a career. It’s ultimately much easier to progress a career when you
have employment, than when you don’t.
It’s great that you have a partner who is also a best friend, but I can
imagine it must be really tough not being able to see him much. Are
you interested in trying to make new connections with people, perhaps through
joining a sports team or some other interest you have? I wonder if any of your
friends are part of other groups / teams / activities you might be able to join
in with?
I think it’s really hard to have any perspective on what other people’s
lives are really, truly like. That person in a high status job with a perfect partner
and beautiful house? Inside they may actually be incredibly unhappy. It's so easy to see people’s constructed images of themselves
on Instagram / Facebook / etc and think that everyone else is living an amazing life. But sometimes I wonder how happy other
people really are? I wonder if some of those people who seem to be
having a great time, are actually struggling with similar thoughts to yourself?
You ask if you might be struggling with depression? It's hard to comment based on the information we have but it's possible that you're struggling with a bit of an adjustment at the moment. Either way I wonder if you might find it helpful to talk to someone a bit more. Perhaps try your partner again when he has some time and space to really sit with your thoughts? Or a friend or family member? Taking time to exercise, and eat and sleep well, can also be really helpful.
Best of luck, SammyD
