is it bad to have anxiety about paying rent my mum asks for

[Guest_49074261]

I am 18 years and a female. I am the youngest of my family, my sister (19 almost 20)  has crippling anxiety and my brother (23) has autism, i have anxiety and have suffered from depression. 

A few months ago i’ve turned 18, my mum has told me that she expects rent from me which is fair enough, i was expecting it. 

What i was not expecting was not getting a lot of shifts at work (yes i have been trying to get another or a second job) to be able to pay my rego on my car as well. 

My mum told me she is expecting rent from me cause i have a lot to owe, here comes the issue, my sister does not pay rent, my brother gets money from centrelink and pays whatever his share is which i’ve never seen proof of even i have asked. Back to the issue, as my mum told me that i have a lot to owe, i said i will pay it when my sister starts paying rent.. She then claps back and says “she does not have a job” i then say that she has been trying to make me pay rent since i was 14, my first job wasn’t until i was 16 because of my anxiety at that time. She did indeed go quiet. I try defending myself against her but she uses everything i do against me and i feel so upset all the time and im constantly stressed out.

I go to my boyfriends house to escape mine and she had barged into my room the other day (i slept in) and asked me what the frick was i doing, that all i do is sleep and go see my boyfriend and don’t come home till late. 

Sometimes i cry at the thought of coming home, i can’t move out cause she won’t let me. 

My parents aren’t together, my dad is remarried (5 years now) but i don’t feel like that would help me as my step mum does not think kindly of me. 

does anybody have any advice as i feel stuck 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. I'm glad you came as people standing further away who have been in similar circumstances may help ease your thoughts.

First off to have depression and anxiety and hold down a job is a pretty big deal. Those illnesses make going ot work very much harder. Do you mind if I ask if you are receiving treatment for those conditions?

In my own case I simply kept on getting worse until I had medical assistance.

I can see your mother, who does not sound easy to get on with , can expect financial help if it is posssible. Apparently for your sister it is not, does she have treatment?  Maybe you brother has Centerlink payment taken out each time and paid to your mother automatically (that's just a guess) 

In your case firstly you have the downturn in your earnings - and have to pay your rego, which is a question of priorities. Without transport even getting a second job may become impossible. After that maybe rent if your income increases. Looking for a second job does you credit. While it might be frustrating not to contribute as you might like it is nothing to feel guilty about.

As an interim measure is there any particular task related to your brother your mother does that you might help wiht?

You can only do what you can , and no amout of badgering by your mother is going to change things except to drive you away from home. I know the feeling and spent an awful lot of time at friends' places when growing up simply not to go home until late. 

Arguing with your mother does not sound like something you can tolerate, if she has been asking you for money since you were 14 then I think that the is something wrong. Nobody expects that, and even at 16 many of the types of jobs you might get are irregular and don't pay much (but can demand you have transport).

I know you said your mother will not let you leave home, however it is not really up to her, it is more a case of a place ot go and finances. You are legally an adult. Do you have any family members who might help?

Families do not work on the principal that kids 'owe' money to be brought up, those that can help do so when they can. I've no idea what your mother thinks you owe, however that too sounds peculiar to me.

Can I suggest as well as seeking medical assistance for your anxiety and depression you take the time to learn Smiling Mind, which is a free smartphone app with exercises in it for just about everyone. It works on the principal of focusing your mind on other thngs, from a leaf in a stream to relaxation. It does take a bit of practice, but it does the job surprisingly well, taking you when you are all stressed out or upset and crying  and bringing you mind to a calm state.

I have the attention span of a goldfish, but found exercises in this 'mindfulness' that  really do work.

If you would like to come back and talk more that would be great

Croix