Im the black sheep in the family ...

[bpeaa]

... and my family hate me for it.

Im 22 years old, and ive started 4 uni degrees since finishing school.. I've completed one.  currently working on finishing my second.... its not going to well and I feel like that's for no other reason then the fact that im miserable at home my mum is a recovered alcoholic personal trainer who places a ridiculous amount of importance on the physical aspects of a person. And what she lacks in intelligence she makes up for in being judgmental. 

My father is an alcoholic but the hardest working man I've ever met. He's also horribly cold and only ever told me he loved me once. The other day he informed me the most annoying thing about me is that im alive - he was sober. 

My sister is the type of person who has to have everyone love and adore her. She has to be known as sweet and gentle.  She just moved back in at home with her partner - she's 7 months pregnant and driving everyone insane. 

As for me .. I've always felt different. Ive always been naturally smarter then my brothers and sisters and done well at school and my academic ventures without much effort.  This annoyed everyone.  My parents would yell and question my dedication and id return to them after screaming matches with my well above average marks. They'd then yell at me for gloating. 

When I was a baby I started modeling. It carried on until I was about 16. My sister couldn't stand it and hated me for it.  I was bullied in school all the way too high school.  Mum would go on about how I was the most beautiful girl in the world and how everyone was just jealous, my sister included.

 This all changed when I was 17 My body went all weird .. I started eating badly. Quit all my sports.  Hated myself.   ive just put more and more weight on. All my friends say they can't see it and that I don't look different but my mother is disgusted by me. She constantly makes remarks on my weight and how beautiful I used to be or could be and how ive ruined myself.  Then my dad will join in and bring up my failures.  They bury me into the ground about every aspect of my character.  As a result home is horrible not a day goes by where someone doesn't make a comment.  If I cry I get called a drama queen and depressing.My mum will often make a remark as im leaving for the day. Eg you look wide in that. 

Uni seems impossible because its what my parents want not what I want. I just want to be a vet nurse but they say thats settling and that il never make enough money to be happy. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Bpeaa,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the Community here. You will always be accepted and appreciated for being yourself here.

Sounds like there are lots of different things going on for you in your family and also study wise.

I find that putting a label on myself like "the Black Sheep of the Family" is not all that helpful, as I then seem to live up to that name and the negative connotations it represents.

Is there any way you could get away from your family for a little while, even if it is just for a weekend, so you can clear your mind and think about where you want to head in the future.

For your own self esteem and to retain a healthy image of your own body, why not return to a healthier diet and to a bit of exercise. You don't need to go to extremes, just retain your fitness and general health.

Can you talk to someone at the Uni about the possibility of doing study for a vet nurse? I have never been to Uni so don't know about the fees and so on that are required.

Are you paying for your study, or are your parents?

Why don't you surprise your Mum and your sister by inviting them out somewhere with you? Go to dinner, to the movies, or to the shops. Try and start up a different relationship with them.

Hope some of this helps!

Cheers form Mrs. Dools or Lauren