I’m tired

[not_dead_yet]

Hey I’m back again. A few months ago made a new friend! And I got really attached (that also seems to be a problem) and I broke down on the phone with them recently and yesterday I got told not to talk about my problems with them or they will cut contact with me. It seems I have been burdening them with too much. It feels like I am going in circles with my life. I can barely distinguish between dreams and reality unless they are completely absurd like magic or something. It’s hard for me to understand other people’s emotions unless they are making obvious signs such as laughing or crying and I don’t know my boundaries with people or how to express my boundaries or emotions. I am too conscious of how people will react to me and trying not to hurt their feelings that I rarely say no. I have agreed to unwanted intimacy which I have been stalling and don’t know how to get out of (he is my friend and is in my year group) sorry I think that is tmi. I’m tired of analyzing how people react to different topics to try and keep the conversations going and I just feel like an npc repeating dialogue every single day trying to keep them as friends. I’m sure problems at home will get better when school starts again but also school will give me more problems. I’m tired to running around trying to fix them. I could use some advice thank you 😭

[Croix]

Dear Not_dead_yet~

Welcome back, I think talking hear may help because you are at a crossroads that may set the habits for later life.

You have been trying to cater to other people's likes, and up to a point that's OK, however you certainly did not give TMI, as your subject was something you may follow always. You are agreeing to have intimacy with someone even though you don't want to.

Your wishes are just as important as anyone else's. If you don't want to do it say no!. Yes this first time is hard and may fracture that relationship. Look at another way, do you want to spend your life pleasing others at your own expense? What sort of a life is that?

If your friend cannot deal with you now saying no, then they are not much of a friend. A true friend looks out for the welfare of the other person.

If  a person has troubles, as I have had recently with doctors then I tend to keep on talking about it, round and round in circles. It does bore the people I talk to witless and no, like you I've not found the right place to stop and talk about something else. Maybe it will come ot me one day.

An NPC really is a sort of robot, doing the predictable down a pre-set path, with no depth to them. You are a whole human being with your own likes, dislikes, problems and triumphs. Let other people associate wiht you as you are inside, not becuse it it will always please them.

It comes down to self respect in all areas, which is something you need and deserve -and are capable of.

Croix

[Psychdiaries2]

Hey there, 

Welcome back! I’m positive you will get loads of different perspectives here on the forums. You’re not alone in what you’re going through. Friendships are the hardest when you’re in school.

I just want to start off by saying that a loyal friend would be open to listening to whatever you have to say and being there for you. With that being said, if they are threatening to cut you off because you had a breakdown, they don’t sound like a genuine friend to me. I think it would be better if they had set boundaries with you instead in regards to you opening up to them. For example, they could’ve said “you’re more than welcome to share, but sometimes it gets too heavy for me, so can we balance our friendship with fun, lighter activities as well?” I think any relationship needs a balance between having heart-to-hearts, and also having fun and letting loose together. Maybe next time you need to vent, you could ask them if it’s a good time to do so. 

If you need to vent a lot, have you considered seeing a therapist who can give professional advice on any issues you have? Perhaps if your school has a psychologist?

You mentioned how you want to please people and rarely say no to them. I relate to this and how hard it can be to back out of something you don’t want to do. But at the end of the day, it really isn’t worth trying to please everybody. What is most important is being honest to yourself and to them. What do you really want? If you don’t want to engage in something, that is fine! Don’t put pressure on yourself to make everyone happy all the time, it’s just unfair. Set a boundary by saying to the person that you don’t want to be intimate, that you’re not ready and hopefully they will understand. If they don’t, then like I said, they are not a genuine friend and you deserve to hang out with people who will respect you no matter what. If that’s the case, it would be time to cut them off. 

I hope you find someone you trust to speak with and I hope that you will have a nice start to the new school year. Trust me, you will meet many more friends in the future with work/uni. Wishing you all the best, hope things get a bit better for you soon. Keep reaching out!