I'm scared.

[MissPiggy]

I wake up in the middle of the night heart pounding my cheeks wet with tears and I don't remember what I've been crying about. My safe place is my bathroom at least it used to be because now all i see in the mirror is a pig. A monstrous ugly creature who should have never happened. i'm so scared of life. I push people away so they don't know how pathetic i really am. I lie about little things because it's so much easier to say yes I'm fine thanks, oh yes good morning when all I want to do it run and hide. Even now writing this down my heart is pounding and my head is hurting. Social workers don't help they just repeat whatever I say back to me. Psychologists don't think i'm worth their time. My mum loves me but doesn't understand how scared I am of walking out in public. Terrified of men following me home. I'm so bloody scared please, just help me.

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[sarez]

Hello,

I too experience what you are feeling. I don't know what your whole situation is, nor do you know mine but I am going to try and give you the best advice I can. 🙂 

Firstly, I assure you that you are beautiful. Everyone has there flaws, I certainly have mine but out of those flaws comes true beauty. You are here for a purpose! 

Now I feel the same as you in public. I have dreams about this one man following me and they are the worst dreams I have ever had. I am constantly petrified about the sheer thought that someone may follow me home. I cannot make this fear go away but I often take precautions when I am in public.For example I travel with a friend or if I am by myself I pretend that I am on the phone to someone and tell them that I am approaching their location.

Now remember, life is not easy. However I was always told that the people with the biggest troubles always turn out the strongest.

I really hope this helped you. 🙂

[geoff]

dear MP, I am so sorry to address you by this title, I couldn't have, but I want to thank you for posting your comment, which is a very sad one, but that's how you feel.

The replies back to you are so endearing, especially from Miss Sunbeam, but I take on board what Sarapow has said.

Low self esteem creates negative beliefs about ourselves, which can be made by other people or our own feeling that we have failed or no good, and mostly are falsified but we genuinely believe that they are true and so this affects our well being.

It also creates social anxiety, and what it appears to have done for you, is that you wrap all of this up and the end result is how you are feeling.

I can totally understand your fear of someone following you home and this refers to men mostly, but there are a couple of things to do; go to an electronic shop or look on line for personal alarms or sirens to purchase, which you can use in an emergency, and/or do a personal defence course which will help you plus it will start to give you some confidence.

Would you be able to click on 'Get Support' at the top of the page where you will be able to find a doctor/psych that deals with 'social anxiety and lack of confidence.

These doctors deal specifically with mental illness and I'm sorry to call it that, but I too have mental illness, however they will direct their attention on exactly what you have said here.

We would really like to know how you feel because we want to help you. Geoff.

[mrkd1991]

Hi MP,

Firstly I must ask, and this isn't meant to be sarcastic or rude, but rather to give us a better understanding of your situation.

You speak of being afraid of men following you home, being alone in public etc. Has something happened to you in the past, or is something happening to you now that is in some way related to the feelings and fears you are burdened with?

I believe that the answer to these questions will decide the best answers to your problems.

 But in the mean time, you say you have had no luck with medical professionals and this is sadly quite common, so you need to turn to family, friends, even just strangers here on this forum. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to open up to others, people you trust, or I even find talking to people I don't even know, people I will likely never meet, that way your fears of people knowing the truth will never effect you.

I like geoff's suggestion of the personal defence class, but I feel this would be difficult for you right now, at the stage you are in. A large room, full of strangers is probably the last thing you want/need.

Continue talking to people on here, open up to us, your mother, people you trust, and continue pursuing a decent doctor who is actually interested in helping you. Build up some self confidence, and then consider thing's like a personal defence class, or even just a session at the gym. Hell, even a social gathering with friends, you will get back out there, and the fact that you are trying is fantastic.

Your days of glory are coming, so keep pushing, keep fighting, keep staying strong. Good luck.

[MissPiggy]

Thankyou