I just need an opinion...

[Miss__Wanderlust]

I sound like a crazy person, just letting you know.

I think I just need some reassurance, but I tend to have issues with sleeping and now I have really unhealthy sleep patterns due to being literally crazy. I see and hear things when at night when there's not the same white noise there is in the day, so I can't sleep and when i (see/hear) things I freeze up and I can't move and I'll start hyperventilating, thinking I'm going to die and there are so many whispers. Obviously I tell my parents, since this has been going on since I was 9.

As I began to get older, they still wouldn't go away. I told my VERY VERY close friend about it and she made a joke like "Damn, you're schizo..." I didn't really know what it meant then. At twelve I bought a nightlight, which I used for a year, and seemed to help, until I got really embarrassed and stopped using it since my 'friends' AND my parents began to mock me for it. Since my parents hadn't got the nightly I'm-running-into-your-room-because-there's-people-that-want-to-kill-me routine, they began to think it was okay again. When I stopped using the nightlight which was at 13, the routine started again and the next morning they threatened to commit me because they said I was crazy, so I stopped waking them up, but the 'visions' didn't. The intense fear I felt at night began to weigh me down. I started new habits like scratching my hands incessantly. I began to become withdrawn from seeing people/friends or going anywhere and one of my other friend's said I had 'fallen into a state of depression' because I didn't want to go with her to her house all the times she had offered, which were a lot.

My friend that I told didn't tell anyone my secret but continued to make little jokes about me being schizophrenic, which I can tell you now is not funny, and I knew the definition by then, and now every time she mentions it, I freeze up, like I do with the hallucinations and start to hyperventilate because now I'm scared that I'm going to be committed. I'm scared to be around my parents because I don't want to let anything slip and my mum calls me a mental patient because my legs have an uncontrollable twitch that aches when they're not rocking. I think i just need reassurance (?)

Or just forget the sugar coating and recommend psych help because writing this makes me feel crazy.

Am I crazy?

[geoff]

hello, firstly no one is crazy when they have a mental illness, and I'm talking about the basic type of depression issues, just like you are experiencing, however people who have never had to suffer from depression always think that that's the reason why we feel the way we do.
It would do you good to get a diagnosis from a doctor and once this has been done it may ease your mind a little bit to know that you're not crazy, which we already know, but also give you peace of mind as well as your parents know exactly what you are suffering from.
There have been several comments you have made which makes me believe that you may have a particular illness, but by not being qualified I can't give you a diagnosis.
It's not fair that your parents call you a mental patient in a derogatory manner because that's only going to make you feel worse so you won't have any confidence or self esteem, so I wonder whether you are old enough to go to the doctor's by yourself, and if you're not then can someone go with you, that doesn't mean that they have to go into the doctor's room with you, but the sooner this can be done the better it will be for you.
I would be interested to know what diagnosis your doctor gives you. Geoff.

[Kazzl]

Hi Miss Wanderlust, welcome to the forum. I support what Geoff has said. You are not crazy. It's possible you may have some form of mental illness, but there is no shame in that, nor should it be hidden and left untreated, or the subject of jokes and derision.

Like Geoff, I won't diagnose, but I will say what you've described is not unusual for a couple of types of mental disorders. You really do need to seek some treatment hun. I'd suggest your GP first and they can refer you to whatever professional they think appropriate - psychiatrist or psychologist. Things can improve greatly with proper treatment.

I'd also suggest, if you feel it's OK, to ask your parents to go with you, either for the first or later appointments. Their attitude says to me that they don't have any understanding of mental illness, nor see it as a genuine thing that needs attention. Perhaps talking with your doctor might help them understand - it's not something to mock.

The thing is hun, mental illness is just that - an illness. It's no less real or deserving than physical illness. If you were experiencing constant physical pain you would get treatment and your family and friends would no doubt be sympathetic. This is no different, it's just that the condition you're possibly experiencing is in your brain. In many cases too, mental illnesses are biological medical conditions, sometimes genetic. Our brains are 'wired' differently - that is the case for me with bipolar disorder.

I hope you'll keep talking to us hun - you'll get nothing but support here. Also, if you would like to speak to a professional you can call our helpline on 1300 22 4636.

Very best wishes to you

Kaz