I hate myself.

[SnowPatrol]

This is my first post so it's a little scary...my feelings were quite clear when I was contemplating writing this post, however as I sit down to do it my emotions are muddled. One of the prominent feelings I am experiencing is just an deep hatred for myself in every aspect. My appearance mostly - I'm ugly and i'm not afraid to share this view of myself with others. I do not share this out of a want for people to tell me "no, your pretty", I almost do it as a cry for help. In fact it makes me so angry when people tell me i'm not ugly, because they are blatantly lying to my face. I know i'm ugly, I have eyeballs- and what saddens me most is no one besides a plastic surgeon can help me.

On these forums when people comment on their appearance, the solutions offered is; to not focus on the negatives, that you should appreciate your health/able body, and that personality is more than appearance. All the solutions do not help me at all, I agree i'm appreciative of what I have, however to me my ugly face is an issue.

The worst part in my opinion is that if I had a good personality, it would make up for my bad looks. I'm a terrible person. I'm lazy, rude, selfish, and unmotivated.

I feel lost, I have no idea how to fix myself- how I should behave and act. I'm over feeling sorry for my self, and my constant loneliness and crave for attention.

Despite the fact that no guy would ever want me, I cant even find satisfaction in my own friends. I have friends however they don't like me and I don't like them. I'm not close with anyone, and I would never show my family my true self. The person I am around them, is different to the person who I am around my friends, which is different to the person in my head.

who am I? and what did I do to deserve an ugly face, it's not fair.

I'm not important to anyone, I have no idea what to do with my life. I feel my only purpose is to have children, however to do this I need a partner, whom I could not get as I am me. If I wasn't here no one would notice or care.

I'm not depressed as death is my biggest fear, I want to live. I'm not anxious as I never stress over anything. I'm just numb to life.

[Dimminglightofdusk]

I feel the exact same way. Everyone constantly says that it’s the “inside that matters, not the outside”, but what happens when both the inside and outside are equally as rotten? I have a quick temper and am quite judgemental. Everyday, I look in the mirror and I can spot these imperfections in my appearance. It doesn’t help that my family likes to point out the things wrong with me. Sometimes, I would sit with my friends, and they would talk about the beautiful features of one another, but not once, would they look at me. And it hurts. It hurts so much.

You’re not alone in these thoughts, but I’m sure that there are other quirks in your personality that shine through. Everyone gets lazy, selfish and unmotivated at points. Tell you what - start performing little acts of kindness. I know, it sounds cliché, but it’ll help you feel good on the inside. As for your looks, as hard as this sounds, you’ll have to eventually accept it. Maybe try some make-up? It’ll help you feel confident, and as time passes, use a bit less make-up than before, so that one day, you’ll walk out bare-faced and feeling beautiful. That’s just one suggestion.

There will always be people who love you for who you are. Those are the ones worth keeping in your life.