I hate my "friends" at school

[MysteryManGuy]

Today I cried like hell. Multiple times.

I'm the "extra" of my friend group. I'm the one that's not very close with anyone and that's just there. My friends leave me out of everything. Nothing I do is worthwhile to them. I'm essentially just a downer to them.

Today, at some point during the final session of the school day, my teacher made the stupid decision to have our class outside, since I had hayfever I had to stay inside. My best friend promised he would be there with me. He wasn't. He then said he would talk to me nearby. He obviously didn't. I was so upset I couldn't even muster the motivation to work. I cried, but thankfully nobody noticed.

Yesterday, we had sport. Our teacher is ignorant of groups and told us to form our own. Sadly, I'm the worst in sport and I'm not usually chosen, but even so, my class can be compassionate about it. My friend group formed a team with everyone but me. At this point I had enough of their shit and held strong resentment for them.

I know these examples may seem pretty normal, but they are totally not just forgetting me. They do stuff like play games together and go out outside of school without me and openly talk to me about it. All I do is just pretend I'm okay with it. My best friend tells me not to get Discord where they all hang out. They also leave me behind in group work, recess and such.

My best friend has started to avoid me. At one point we grew apart because he hung out with a girl in the group and left me behind. He stopped talking to everyone at one point, then talked to me, like some form of replacement, and now things are back to normal for them. The girl was also a close friend of mine too, then we grew apart, and then we were getting close again, but it seems she's actively avoiding me now.

I decided to take a day off tomorrow because I felt so shitty. I needed the time for myself to be away from all the trouble, but I still can't feel any desire to go back to that. I can't see any spark in any of those "friendships" but I can't even make new friends or leave behind these guys. I have no fucking idea what to do. I'm tired of caring for these people. I'm tired of enduring their constant shit. I'm tired of trying to get close to them. It has had almost no value to me and yet I can't get rid of it or change it. It feels like my fault, and I tried to back out from being annoying, etc. but what's even the point? How does one even approach something like this?

I don't know, man. I just don't know.

[Sophie_M]

Hi MysteryManGuy,

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you recently with your friend group, especially when you feel like they are leaving you behind and avoiding you. We understand this must be such an awful time and want to remind you that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[jaz28]

Hi MysteryManGuy,

I am so sorry, people can be cruel. It is okay to cry 😞 Your feelings are valid here.

Teenagers can be really mean sometimes. I remember school being a time where everyone cared about their 'status' in the grade and that meant trying to hang out with people that would raise this status, even if those relationships were meaningless. However, there are some good ones out there. Is there anyone you haven't talked to/are just an acquaintance with that you could talk to and create a new friendship?

I am sorry but these friends do not seem like friends from what you are saying. Healthy friendships are meant to include you and make you feel wanted and heard. I knew a few of these people in school and from my experience, I moved on from them and made friends with amazing, caring people who are still my friends to this day, multiple years after graduating.

If it helps, school isn't everything. There will be many new people to meet down the road in whatever path you take. A lot of these "friends" will be non-existent to you when you leave school. That's what I've found too.

Find the people who get you and like you for you, don't waste your time on anyone else. I know it sucks and in high school, it can feel like your world is crashing down whenever you have friend troubles. But things will get better.

The mental health day is a good idea, it is important to put yourself first. Is there a counsellor at school you could talk to as well?

Things will get better,

Jaz.

[chadicha]

Hey, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve any of this and these 'friends' shouldn't even be given the title of friends. A very similar thing happened to me while I was in school- I was constantly excluded for no apparent reason and just seemed to float around with people not really caring about how I would feel. Let me assure you, although very unfair situations can cause a build-up of resentment (just like what happened to me), it is best to really try and let it go as this is only damaging you now. If I can give you any advice, it is find someone else who maybe you don't expect to be friends with on a superficial level, but could really understand you and your situation. This could really push you in the direction of making a true friend- not these uncaring acquaintances. I understand how their actions make you question your worth, your actions, if you ever did something wrong. But please don't get into this spiral like I once did - it will leave you bitter and hurt. After leaving school for around a year now, you will really begin to see the true nature of whats happened and it has nothing to do with you as a person, its just kids can be so superficial and selfish to their own personal desires and visions for how they want their school experience to go that they frankly aren't aware of how their ignorance is truly hurting another person.

You are a caring, strong and loving person and anyone would be blessed to have you as their friend. These 'friends' seem superficial, uncaring, low quality and out of touch with what really matters, and over time you will see how you are so grateful these people are not in your life anymore. I truly believe every painful season in life serves a purpose, and I don't doubt for a second you will come out wiser, stronger and with a different perspective on friendships.

Although they may exile you, you do not have to let them have any power over you and your spirit. Please seek out more kinder, even unexpected friends and you will notice such a profound change in your happiness. You will get through this.

[Stay_Positive_Stay_Strong]

I’m here to find ways to support my 13 years old daughter and came across your post...

She is going thru the exact situation as you atm. I’m broken by how cruel kids out there can treat some one that supposed to be their friend.

she is a strong girl. But I think enough is enough. She cares for peoples feeling before herself and support others more than herself.

she would not name the people involved cause she cares for their educations, if they get in trouble they might be taken off the school grounds etc

Sitting alone is her choice she made to avoid confrontations. Im so broken by it and at the same time amazed how strong she is too.

Panic attacks, anxiety ... depression love to erased all that but truly one can cause so much damage to an innocent person.

What can I do? How can I can?

[smallwolf]

Hello everyone.

I feel that what you describe is not that uncommon in school. My son had some issues at highschool. He had to find a new group of friends. Which he did.

Unfortunately we only found out about it much later. Since completing highschool he was able to regain the friendship of a couple who mattered.

One thing I could suggest is kids helpline. I don't have their link handy but think you should be able to find it through Google.

As a parent... Listen to what your children say and let them know they are awesome.

As a child... Speak to your parents. Know you are awesome. This may not be an easy time as you grow and find your way in the world. And maybe use these experiences to recognise qualities you look for in people.

Listening to you...

[quirkywords]

Mysterymanguy and Stay positive Stay strong.

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.School is hard , I used to spend lunchtimes when library was closed , in the bathroom.

Stay positive Stay strong , thanks for posting. I hope you can get some support from the posts. Otherwise you can start your own thread if you want.

[Gothamfan]

Hi mystery man guy

I too have become the left out friend and my best friends have been avoiding me and I had a falling out with other friends, I honestly don’t have any good friends anymore and I’m not sure what to do about it, I really relate to your situation and I hope you find good friends that your close with.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Guys

I thought times have changed for better and situations like your were not so common anymore. Obviously I was wrong.
Stay strong Guys! I know you are hurting now and things that your so called friends do or don’t do really get into you. But it really is like the others said: at one point you just move on to other more exciting people or things to do and you sort of forget about the old crowd. Sort of. Some bad memories cannot be completely forgotten, unfortunately. But you do move on and they become your past. Hang in there good people!

[MysteryManGuy]

Hi everyone.

Thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate the advice. (sorry for the late response)

I'm sorry for those who shared their stories, and I wish the best for them. Loneliness is truly awful and I don't wish it on anyone. I'm here to listen to more stories if you wish, and I appreciate the shared experience. I feel less isolated now I read them.

About my friends, I can't cut them out of my life. They have been horrible to me, but there's no way I can stop being friends with them. I apologise for the lack of clarification, but the truth is, I have no idea how to put this into words.

The school holidays have come and are almost over. I mostly coped, but I'm not looking forward to seeing them again. The good thing is, my best friend has been in contact with me, although it is very little, considering I don't own proper messaging apps, it has been somewhat okay, but it still hasn't been great.

I've also managed to contact one of my other friends, but they stopped talking to me after 1 conversation.

I don't know how to make friends. I don't and can't go places to talk to people, even online. I screw up socialising a lot. There's nobody I can reach out to.

I have been to a counseller a few years ago, but they didn't help at all, and I lied to them about feeling better as other people were getting involved and it made me feel heaps worse.

At one point I tried to confront them about it. I told my best friend, but he just said "I wasn't talking to them." and even when I said this did nothing, he just shrugged it off.