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I feel up against a wall
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Hi there,
I've been going to boarding school in Australia for nearly 2 years now and I feel isolated and lonely. It feels like I don't have anything to do, or rather I can't do anything. The issue isn't with homesickness, or missing my parents. Though I have a few (>10) day student friends, I have none in the boarders and i feel they all hate me. I live with these people basically all year round. I am half-Indonesian, which means a cop a lot from the boarders, who are mostly from the country. They all call me socially awkward, and freeze me out. But that's not the worst part. The other boarders who aren't from the country and have no issue with me all join in. They only do it to fit in. I don't feel like I can go back to my old school, as it is an international school and most of my friends have left. I just don't know what to do.
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Dear Freezzze~
I'm pleased you came here. Although it was a fair while ago I remember very well boarding schools, some in the UK and one here in Australia. I was a day boy but as these schools were basically boarding facilities I had a very good idea of what went on as it spilled into daytime classes and activities. Many of the boarders in that last school were from the country, basically children from privilege.
Kids are cruel and tribal and seek out someone to bolster their juvenile inadequacies by bullying, either with outright violence or by voicing contempt and generally making the outsider's life intolerable. It's something that often drags in those that would wish to be neutral, particularly other boarders who cannot distance themselves.
For someone who is a boarder the situation is much worse than at a normal school, as there is no escape or relief. I'm not sure from my own, dated, experience how well steps to remedy the situation work. Concerted underhand bullying in a boarding situation takes a lot of supervision and imagination to control. An awful lot depends on how rigorous the response is, how willing the staff are to take comprehensive action.
So I guess as a first step you can report incidents to staff or school counselors, you will soon get a feeling if you have enthusiastic support and things are followed up in a competent and effective manner or if, as is possible, matters go further underground and get worse.
Another possible avenue is the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) which talks to young people that are being bullied.
Leaving the school may be a last resort option but any such decision has to include your parents. Do you have a sufficiently good relationship with them that you can expect a serious discussion and support?
I've not given a reply that says much other than you expected. Would you like to come back and say what you think?
Croix
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Hi freezzze,
Firstly, welcome to the forums. Croix has given a great response as per usual and I will simply just be echoing the comments and offer my support. I have no experience in boarding schools but I do know a lot about being picked on for being different. It is never easy that is for sure. Is there an option to relay what is happening with a teacher at all? Someone you trust that is older maybe?
I do wish I could give some advice that would make your situation better but I just can offer my support to you.
Please remember you can also call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are feeling too.
My best for you,
Jay
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