I feel trapped

[Michelle_M]

 Hi

My name's Michelle. I am 18 years old and was diagnosed with severe depression last year. I no longer go through extreme lows where I want to harm myself, and for that, I'm really thankful.

But everyday, I feel this crushing emptiness that stops me from doing great things with my life. I can't smile a real smile anymore. And sometimes when I talk to my friends, I suddenly feel like crying because I no longer feel happy in their company or I feel left behind (and that's by no fault of their own). My parents love and take care of me. I knew they meant well when they found out about my depression and asked me to "just snap out of it", because they don't want me to feel discouraged about getting better. But it really confuses me as to whether I'm "sick enough" to deserve support or if I'm just wallowing in self-pity. I still can't tell.

I guess I'm here because I don't know how to get better. My psychologist recommended I took antidepressants, but my parents hated the idea because it somehow looked psychotic to them. So I researched other ways to recover from depression. The problem is that my symptoms are preventing me from doing any of those things because connecting with friends/family is now futile, and I'm always too drained to do any fitness activities or socialise. I feel as though I'm trapped in this for the rest of my life. It feels hopeless. I know this is a hard thing to ask, but I would seriously appreciate any more practical suggestions for dealing with depression.

Thanks in advance

 Michelle

[JessF]

Hello Michelle, this may be a difficult thing to hear, but I would listen to your psychologist and your own feelings before capitulating to your parents. You are 18 years old, which means you are an adult and can make your own decisions. I am sure your parents love you and care for you, but unfortunately like many people it doesn't sound like they understand depression every well.  No one who does would ever say "just snap out of it", and their idea that taking pills makes you "psychotic" says more about their own fears about what the neighbours might think rather than thinking, our daughter is not well and needs help.  I would bend over backwards to help if you were my daughter, even if it meant I had to fly over the neighbourhood in a balloon dressed as a chicken! 

have a read back over what you have written, you know that how you are feeling is having a real impact on living your life right now. One of the other terrible things about depression is that on top of ruining our lives and happiness, it also plagues us with 'self doubt' and feeds us false questions like 'am I really sick or am I just putting it on'? None of this is true.

Well done on overcoming those extreme lows, you are making progress. Keep talking with your psych about these feelings and have a think about what YOU (not anyone else) would like to do regarding medication.

On a more practical level, it is very hard to get out there and do things when you're feeling depressed, but one of the ways you can start to get the ball rolling is by setting yourself very small daily goals. Fitness, for example: you don't have to run a marathon, but how about a nice walk in the park, the beach (if you are near to one), or even through the shopping mall with your friends?  Just for half an hour?  Or even a walk round the block on your own once a day for fifteen minutes can be enough to form a habit. 

Michelle I hope you'll come back and talk to us more, and maybe we can talk about the things you would like to do in your life and waht you feel is holding you back.  18 is an exciting time, and there are lots of fun years ahead.  Challenging yes, but it would be boring otherwise! Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Michelle,

Sorry to see you are in so much distress. It must be very difficult for you.

From my experience of severe depression there is no way you can just "snap out of it". You DEFINITELY need and deserve support and I would think, medication. It appears you are suffering from a chemical imbalance that could be addressed by the introduction of anti-depressants. I also believe that the self doubt, crying etc. you are experiencing, is part of your illness too. So you are not at fault or to blame for anything.


I know you say you can't socialize but could you attend a self help group for people suffering from depression? or something similar? Talking about your problems in a supportive atmosphere might prove beneficial. It would get you mixing with people that you could identify with and you might possibly make some new friends.

If this is asking too much, right now, and it could be, then how about getting a good quality book on self-esteem? You can focus your energies on healthy thinking and on ways to battle negativity. Even though you are feeling bad from your illness you can concentrate on the book's positives which can only help empower you. As well you are learning a lot of life skills plus opening and exercising your mind.

One final thing... Perhaps your psychologist could talk to your parents. He/she might be able to educate them regarding medication. Or maybe you could get a second professional opinion?


There are lots of wise people on this site that can help here Michelle. You are doing really well to have posted while suffering from this crippling disease and to have overcome your extreme lows.

Please feel free to write back if you like. Take care.

Henry