i feel like i don’t belong

[eiddesqrd]

this is kind of just a rant sorry

im really scared to go back to school.

there was a mishap last year and i moved from my group that, for the longest time, i thought would be the only group i’d be in. but then i realised i didn’t belong there so i moved to the group of my closest friend at school.

i really enjoy being there but i feel like im late to the game. these people have had so much time to get closer and im a newcomer. there are smaller groups within this group and honestly, i feel like im not really apart of any of them.

i see them in photos together and planning stuff together and i can’t help but just feel like im an afterthought. like im looking through a window at them. i even get jealous when i see my old group going out (which is incredulous to me- i left them! and yet here i am). im really embarrassed about it.

i want to find a new group where i feel as though im valued but i don’t know, im nearing the end of high school and it just doesn’t feel worth it. nothing does anymore.

maybe i’ll just sit by myself in the library? i don’t know at this point.

[Quercus]

Hi eiddesqrd,

Welcome to the forums.

Reading your post one thing really jumped out at me. I saw that you feel nothing feels 'worth it' right now.

Moving groups at school is always stressful and more so as you get older and groups become more tightly knit. I moved schools a lot (even if it was a long time ago now) and felt much like you do now, especially in high school.

I'm not going to say what others told me once... That soon school will be over and you'll meet new friends at uni/college/work. I found that didn't help, you're struggling now after all!

So what can you aim to change right now? I like your idea of the library even if it feels lonely. Are there any groups that meet there such as chess or study groups? That could be an option to meet new people if you're interested in things like that.

Sport is another. My son struggles a bit making friends with the boys in his year but last year he started playing soccer and it was like an immediate icebreaker for him.

My kids also do karate and swimming out of school and I find it helps them both to meet new people outside of their school mates. Even if you feel alone at school it can help to seek out extracurricular activities so you can meet other like-minded people. What do you think?

I know you're not alone feeling anxious at not belonging. It is a topic that comes up on these forums constantly and even your school mates probably feel the same even if no-one talks about it.

I hope you get through your first few days back at school ok and that you are able to let us know how you are if you want to.

Nat

[sbella02]

Hi Eiddesqrd,

Thank you so much for your post and a warm welcome to our forums.

Your experience sounds very similar to my own in Year 12. I had just separated from my friendship group and found another group through my closest friend. They began to have catch-ups without me and I felt as if my inclusion was an afterthought.

For me, I also had friends outside of school through my part-time job. This helped me cope with my feelings of exclusion from my friendship group at school. Would you be open to having a part-time job if you don't already? If you have the time, energy, and patience for one (not everybody does during school, and that's okay), you may find that there are certain jobs that require a lot of teamwork that can help you out with social support. I began in food and hospitality, and there were always people around my age who I could talk to.

It may even be helpful for you to distance yourself from your current friend group if you feel like it'll improve your wellbeing. Going to the library may even be productive for you in terms of getting schoolwork done or having some alone time to think and be with yourself. I find that being alone is often synonymous with being lonely, when it could be otherwise seen as a time of reflection and peace, for example.

As Quercus has suggested, maybe joining a sporting club or group could be helpful for building new social connections with likeminded people (in a COVID-safe way, obviously). If you find a sport or just a club in general, you may find people with whom you share interests and hobbies. For example, my sister is part of a writer's club because she enjoys creative writing, and she's met a few people who have now become close friends.

Don't be afraid to chat with us some more. I'd love to hear more about your experiences, or how you're feeling at this stage.

I hope this advice has been helpful! SB 🙂

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you are feeling this way, although you are not alone, a lot of people feel this way during high school.

Getting closer to people can take time, I finished school nearly 4 years ago and I still feel this way, I have my best friend, but I long for a group of close friends. It seems like everyone has these friends but me. But, often than not everyone feels like me at times.

It feels like it is the end of the world right now, but once you finish school there will be a whole new world full of like-minded people to make your friends. Do what you think is right.

Jaz xx

[eiddesqrd]

Thank you so much for responding 😄

I have definitely considered joining some extra-curriculars at school but at this point, none of them are jumping out at me haha! For the past week, i have been to the library twice, and it was pretty comforting to just be by myself. However, i did sit at my normal group for the other days and it was fine during the day- but i couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious when i got home and had time to think.

I really appreciate your ideas, and i really am seeking out some ways to make a change at this point. Thank you so much for replying, I’ll keep looking around for some other things to do 🙂

Eddie

[eiddesqrd]

I’m not sure how this’ll come off, but i find it weirdly comforting to know that i’m not alone in my experiences. sometimes i get a bit caught up in my own head, i don’t even consider that other people have felt the same that i have.

I am currently in search of some after school activities or a part time job to participate in so it takes up some of my time and i have chances to make friends outside of school.

I guess as an update: i sat with my friends majority of the week but when i got to being myself, i couldn’t chase away the feelings, i guess. however, i sat in the library and it was pretty peaceful to just be by myself, sorting through books. it might have been something to do with being distracted but im not quite sure haha.

Thank you for your advice, i found it really helpful!

Eddie

[sbella02]

Eddie,

That's great that you're searching for a part-time job or extracurricular activities, please let us know how it all goes!

That's also good to hear that you've been sitting with your friends, sometimes even sitting in a group of people can provide us with some level of comfort. The library can definitely be peaceful too, I totally understand.

SB