I feel like giving up on society

[Reaperbird]

Okay, so I don't really have any friends because of AvPD. So I joined Facebook, hoping maybe things would be a little less isolating on there, but so far, it has made me want to avoid people even more.

My family keep telling me I'm too sensitive, and that I should just let other people have their "opinions" but all my relatives and family friends are so discriminating. They are racist, sexist, homophobic and more. They always post hateful and offensive posts, and things that mock other people for their weight, mentality, and social status.

When I tried to speak up about it, saying that I didn't like them bullying other people, their bullying turned on me instead. They started posting stuff about "get stuffed if you don't like my opinions" and "some people can't take a joke."
I felt really hurt. I've always stood up for equality and tried to be peaceful, but then I have my own family doing and saying these things and I can't stand it. I feel really angry and upset.

I tried talking to my mum about it after having a mental breakdown over it, and she just got uncomfortable with me and tried to tell me I should just ignore it and let them have their own opinions. But I don't agree, an opinion is if you like something or not, it isn't attacking other people and taking away their basic human rights.

Basically, I feel more isolated then ever because I'm alone in what I believe in.
Please tell me most people aren't like this, because it feels as if they are. I don't want to hurt others to fit in. But sometimes I feel like if I don't "go with the flow" I'll be alone forever, and worse still, bullied by others for being "different." I'm just not the kind of person who can willingly allow hate like that to happen, nor do it myself, it's awful. Why can't people focus on their own lives instead of making fun of other people? I'd much rather hear about their pets and daily life then see posts that discriminate and spread hate. I don't want to know people like that, but it feels like almost everyone is like that. Or maybe I'm just in a bad group? IDK. I just feel like I don't fit in, because I can't be like that, and I won't.

[Jacko777]

Hi Reaperbird,

There are some good people around mate, look at you for instance. Unfortunately there are a lot of not so nice people around, as you have seen. For me I expect to come across people like this then I don't get a shock when I come across them. I guess it takes all kinds to make up our communities, we can choose our own destiny and let others choose theirs.

Main thing is, perhaps you need to hang around the positive people that you seek, you may need to join some new groups or clubs, take your focus off the negative and find the positive, hang out with nice people, put your effort into fixing these problems. I get upset about how we treat nature so I spend time volunteering for environmental groups, I can take satisfaction from knowing that I have done my best, I am part of the solution, not part of the problem. 

Jack x

[Mike_101]

Hi Reaperbird

 Two sayings come to mind - the first is that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and the second is birds of a feather flock together. On saying that there are always exceptions to the rule. In your family's case your clearly the exception.

Personally some people's opinion matters, and others don't. If your family just go around posting insensitive comments and hurtful comments then I guess they have nothing better to do in their lives. But trying to argue with them is just what they want, since there is no reason to post discriminating comments other than to get a reaction. If they really felt the way they did (without the goal of getting attention) then chances are they wouldn't waste their time posting comments or making disparaging remarks in the first place.

In this regard it's probably better to distance yourself from your relatives and family friends, as it clearly appears that you don't have the same belief system in place as they do (which sounds like a good thing for you 😉 ) While this may be sad that you have to distance yourself from your family, unfortunately not all family members are likable. Nothing you can do about that unfortunately.

I would take a stab in the dark and guess your life - and mental health - will probably be  a lot better the less contact you have with them as most people aren't like them.

Also if your relatives and family friends bully you - don't take it personally, as you stated they bully everyone - so it's just their character and not anything you've done wrong. As you said, better to change groups and find one you fit in with rather than one you feel obligated to impersonate.

Kind regards
Mike

[Starwolf]

Hi there ReaperBird,

First of all, in spite of the drawbacks, there is no such thing as being too sensitive. The lack of tolerance which is rife in the world goes hand in hand with lack of sensitivity. Sure, other factors also come into it, like genes and education for example but you are a perfect example that inborn sensitivity can over-ride those.

Sensitivity makes you acutely aware of what is going on around you and of what lies under the surface.This ability to feel intensely also makes us vulnerable to being easily hurt. Unfortunately, noticing this, quite a few people out there try to use you for target practice. This gives them the illusion of being on top which they need to compensate for their subconscious sense of insecurity. They have no idea why they're really doing it and don't want to know either. Few out there are willing to investigate their hidden depths...too scary. So mostly, bullies act because they suffer from ignorance and lack of courage to face their own inadequacies. They'd rather project these on others. It's way easier than confronting their own issues.

Being sensitive is a privilege, not a flaw. But realizing this and learning how to use this formidable asset in a creative way doesn't always come easy, due to the sense of social isolation which goes with it. As Mike points out, there are active groups (humanitarians, conservationists, animal welfare carers etc...) who channel their compassion and empathy into positive outlets.

Fell reassured that here at BB, you will find understanding and support. Being also hypersensitive, I -for one- know where you're at and how it feels. Like you, I have suffered negative effects.

It takes a while, but you will come to realize that whatever people think about you is none of your business... and get on with your life surrounded by those you can relate to without discomfort. Quality wins any time vs quantity. I hope you are in a position where you can keep bullies at arm length.

You are compassionate, intelligent and articulate. The world needs more people like you.

Best of all, although it may not feel like it at the moment, you are not alone.

Lots of good wishes and a cyber hug.

[white knight]

Hi Reaperbird,

Such good replies above.

There are many thread son this topic that you can read. Just use search in your spare time. Its really educational.

A few of my articles might help and are relevant- Google the following

"Topic: defending yourself- don't be an easy target- beyondblue"

"Topic: words are sticks and stones - beyondblue"

"Topic: ostracised, who's fault is it- beyondblue"

"Topic: the gang mentality- beyondblue"

"Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection?- beyondblue"

"Topic: wit, the only answer for torment- beyondblue"

"Topic: so what are their mental illnesses- beyondblue"

Good luck. By the way a few years ago I went off Fb for 6 months and when I returned I trimmed my friends from 180 to 45. I left the real nice people in there. Since then I've added only nice people and have 91 now. Take control of your FB page and discount the nasty.

[Reaperbird]

Thanks everyone. I have managed to make some changes:

Firstly, I unfriended all the people who were beyond being reasoned with. Those who I knew would just resort to further bullying and name-calling no matter how patient and polite I tried to be towards them.
I just don't think they cared about reason, more they just wanted an excuse to pick a fight with anyone who dared say anything they didn't like. Trying to reason with them, would have been pointless.

After removing those few who were causing the most trouble for me, I decided to be open and honest to the others. I wrote a post saying how it hurt me seeing all the hate they were posting, and why it affected me. I said I could understand why people fear change and difference, but I felt it still didn't make it okay to be hateful. I also mentioned some real life incidents where innocent people were hurt because of their kind of bullying ideals, and ended it saying that I wouldn't tolerate it, not because I didn't like them, but because I couldn't handle it knowing how much it affected others, including people I care about.

Things slowly changed and I haven't seen any more nasty posts so far. Some people even admitted they only posted things out of fear and not because they wanted to hurt anyone.
I've really appreciated everyone's response so far, and without those bullies, people weren't as dismissive of me as they were before. They took my words seriously. I guess without those bullies to pick a fight, I could be more level-headed and got to say what I needed to without any conflict, and others could also more freely express their own thoughts.

It's been hard, and I felt out-numbered, but for once I'm actually enjoying Facebook and people are being more open-minded and insightful now.
I admit, I'm not very good at being assertive because I don't trust myself, but I tried to do what was right and even though I still doubt myself, I think I did okay.

But thanks again for your replies, they have been reassuring to read over the past few days and have given me courage to trust my own judgement instead of giving in to others like I usually do.

Funny enough I would really love to help out with something important. I used to re-home stray animals, but at the moment it's not possible due to rental limitations and not having a license. But hopefully that'll change in the future and I can do something like that again. 🙂

[Starwolf]

Triple Yay, Reaperbird !

Even if we lack a clear idea of what we want in life, knowing what we don't want (and finding the courage to eliminate it) makes it all simpler and more rewarding.

Well done. Enjoy.

[Jacko777]

You think you did okay Reaperbird?? I think you did great! And it's great to hear that you are feeling a bit better. You make a lot of sense with how you have handled your situation, you told people to cut the crap...and largely they did, so you have done them and your self a service. On ya.

I think if you respond out of love and care you can totally trust your self and your judgement. I know some times my own trust in my self can be hazy when crossing in to areas of my mind that have been bruised but I have awareness, I keep my lips zipped and I consider where my reaction is coming from. If I can respond with only love I know I can trust my self. Doesn't mean I can write proper, but the message is there! I think it's good that you have let some people go and you have probably given them something to think about. 

Can you get involved with animal rehoming in a limited capacity for now? Assist on a website or such? Great cause...bless you.

Jack

[blondguy]

Hey Reaperbird

I have just read the bulk of this page..and especially your post...and well done for posting in the first place.

I just read the page and excuse the late response. I just read about what you said about re-homing stray animals...and well done.Even through rental limitations your heart is in the right place.. you will have your opportunity to rescue. I have been involved in K9 rescue for many years and am very proud of not only the dog rescue part but the re-hab of some of the dogs that I have re-homed....or stayed here with me lol.

Just for the record Reaperbird I dont want to be boring but you have done very well by standing up for what you believe in.....You have done well here....seriously...

Starwolf is spot on.....You can never be too sensitive....Its a quality and never lose it. White Knight is a legend with his experience and google search assistance. Jacko speaks from the heart with no clinical crap..yes! and Mike's 'stab in the dark' is spot on...Its taken me years to actually seperate myself from the negative and overly critical people in my life...even though it may be family

Take Care Reaperbird

Paul

[white knight]

Wow reaperbird, what courage.!!

I agree with all the others comments so I wont go on. I'm just so happy for you. Its your Facebook so you are now in charge of it not the other toxic people.

Great.

Tony WK