Feeling more alone then I've ever been

[graveltrap91]

All my life i have felt depressed and exiled from society, growing up i was always the overweight kid in class, always got abuse throw at me because of it and always have had girls lead me on to be told you will never have a relationship because I'm an ass hole.

So i spent years not talking to many people lost a lot of weight and was all in all happy with my life and where i was going. I had multiple friends at that time that were into this "Doofing" scene of going in to the bush and listening to dance music all night while they all took LSD and MDMA and whatever else they could get there hands on. I was not into that scene at all but if that is what they were into that was there business.

So though these people i meet a girl who i was following around like a love sick little puppy dog and was bending over backwards for this girl, fixing her car, giving her lifts so she could go and get drunk always being there when she wanted someone to talk to. Like turning around to me one night and saying she didn't have the mindset to do LSD and MDMA and that she didn't wand to start dating anyone till she got to know them.

Now fast forward to not even a fortnight after she had told me this and she is now dating one of these friends taking LSD and MDMA with him and i was never even thought of. This girl ended up dating this "friend" of mine for 6 months then after that she started spending time with my housemate at the time. When i found out i told him to pack his shit up and move out and now they have been dating for 18 months.

Now everybody i talk to about this just turns around and says to me "well she wasn't the one mate"
If she wasn't the one why does she seem to be good enough for my "friends" to go off and date?

I don't even know why im writing this anymore but thanks anyway

[white knight]

Hi GT, welcome here

You said "Now everybody i talk to about this just turns around and says to me "well she wasn't the one mate"
If she wasn't the one why does she seem to be good enough for my "friends" to go off and date?"

Sorry about your predicament. Your friends are right BUT they are too blunt because they are unaware of your sensitivity and feelings. From what your have said it seems to me that she had a soft spot for you because she wasn't going out with one of those other guys at the time and secretly wishing to. Then as soon as she was asked out she jumped for it. She would have been well aware of your feelings.

My view is for you to expand your horizons with friendships. Join more sporting clubs and mix with others. This group might not be for you only on a casual basis. There are so many girls out there that are just like you and have been treated just as you have. They are wondering how to meet genuine guys like you!!.

You might feel disadvantaged. I did against my cousin. He was lean I was fat, he was fit and attractive to girls I was not, he was good at sports etc etc. Fast track when we were both 40yo....he had had cancer three times, his wife had crones disease. Now we are both 60yo and the table has turned. He envies me. How weird is that?

All the best.

Tony WK

[Zeal]

Hi Gravel trap,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been mistreated and shunned at school because of your weight. It's unfair when this happens to good people. It's good that you've lost weight - for your health, lifestyle and to feel more comfortable in your own skin. Now maintain this healthy weight not for others, but for you 🙂

This girl sounds as though she wasn't appreciative of your kindness and efforts. You are honestly better off being around women who respect you and who care about your feelings. There are enough women out there who are loyal and want a committed relationship with one partner. I am one of those women, and I met a really great guy last year (let's call him Ben). My best friend was in Ben's group,  as her then-boyfriend and Ben are friends.  Ben and I really respect and trust each other. I just turned 23, and this is my second-ever relationship. I was really shy and self-conscious as a teenager. Thankfully, that has improved in my twenties. I seriously doubted whether I'd ever find someone to be with. It just happened, when I wasn't even expecting it!

Back to you! I just thought I'd tell you a bit about myself, just so you have context for any advice or comments I make. If your friends who do hard-core drugs make you uncomfortable, perhaps try to avoid socialising with them when they are having these "sessions". I have never touched recreational drugs, so I can't offer you advice based on personal experience. However, I seriously believe that this type of behaviour could affect the rest of your friends' lives. Some people, for complex biological reasons, have very adverse reactions to recreational drugs which can cause intense addiction or unwanted personality fluctuations. There are some people on the forum who have experiences of recreational drug-taking, whether they personally took part or were close to someone who did.

Like Tony, I feel that branching out socially would be a good idea. You can keep spending time with your current friends, but try getting to know others who follow a lifestyle similar to yours or who share common interests. If you are working at the moment, maybe having a social meal with some colleagues regularly would be fun. If you don't mind me asking, are you close to family members? Having family support is really helpful.

I hope something I said has been useful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM