Hi all,Ive already posted my story quite a few times,so I apologise if this is becoming repetitive 2 some of u..this will be the last time I post 4 a while.I jst dnt know whats happening 2 me.My girlfriend and I havebeen dating for the last 6years.Things were great,we were both happy and in love.Shes honestly my everything.We jst connected and when I was with her,I felt home.However throughout thecourse of our relationship,I had a secret,a secret that up until recently only I knew about.Im bisexual.I never told her because Iwas afraid itd jeopardise what wehad.Over time in our relationship,I think the part of me that feared her finding out,grew.And about 4months ago,something happened 2 me.The guilt of her not knowing about me really got 2 me.HORRIBLE thoughtsandvoices started plaguing my mind:Ur a horrible person-how could u not have 2ld her?U must not care about her-if u did,then u woulda 2ld her of this a long time ago.Do u even love her?R u even attracted 2 her?If u REALLY loved her,then u would never have keptsomething so important from her for so long.Uve used her,s2len 6years of her life,ur selfish,heartless.If she knew the REAL u,shed leave.Did u date her 2 jst prove a point?Ur feelings for her rnt correct (this was a big one that really haunted me) if u were straight,ud feel more for her,ud feel whatur supposed 2 feel in a relationship,u rnt capable of feeling those feelings-u jst love her like a friend.I knew deep down none of this was true,but these worries simply took me over.So I 2ld her I was bi.But things havent gotten better,like I hoped they would.Its not her,she was as accepting as anything.The problems with me.Thefirst time I saw her after coming out,I felt anxious,idk y.But because of this,my mind started going again-do u even want her around?The relationship must be over and much more.These thoughts and voices r jst outof control and theyre ruining mylife.They make me nervous aroundher which only increase myfear of the relationship being over.Each time breaking up occurs 2 me,I jst bawl my eyes out and dont want the world 2 exist.I know itsnot what I want.My anxiety dsnt jst revolve around her-Ive convincedmyself of some prettyridiculous things inthe last few months-that I wannahurt my family,that I have a crush on another girl,after a headache Ithought it meant cancer (giving me a panic attack) im gay,asexual,schizophrenic.Ive cried more in the last 3months than I have inmy entire life.Ive lost myself. Is this anxiety and depression?
