I don’t know what to do anymore.

[BBUser25]

As a school student, I’m constantly pressured by studies, grades etc.

But my problem is, I’m absorbing myself into everyone else’s problems.

What I mean is: If someone is having a rough time, I’ll offer support, but it’s gotten to the point, where I am being everyone else’s emotional anchor... It’s taking its toll on me, because I have problems of my own, but automatically I throw myself into everyone else’s feelings.

According to relatives, I’m empathetic.

I don’t know how to handle all this, I’m stuck in a constant limbo, because I can’t bring myself to say “No” instead, I be the “strong one.”

I put on a mask to appear happy, and to try and manage a happy atmosphere.

It feels like there’s a gaping hole in my chest, I emotionally attach to one person, I devote my everything to this person... Yet they still leave.

I understand why the first victim of this attaching left; it may be because I would sit at his fence 30 minutes before we would walk to school.

To this day, I’ve attached to 6 people, all but one has left me, because this one is my newest person I’ve attached to.

I’m constantly being accused of being gay, (Now before you think I have anything against any of the sexualities, I don’t, infact I believe that a person has the right to love WHOEVER they love.) now the reason why being called gay is something I get offended by is because I’m getting called something that I’m not.

My best friends father has left her household, and so I’m trying to be her emotional anchor, people have left her side because she’s gotten depression and anger issues, this has made her feel isolated.

This is my problem, and I’m sorry for rambling.

[Lonelydan]

Hi P, welcome to beyond blue. You sound like such a wonderful person who has such good heart. School sucks it’s so stupid learning stuff that you will never use in adulthood all for a certificate. So then you can go to study an occupation which you could learned in school. Try not to take on people problems instead be a friend you can’t make things better you don’t have magical powers. Put yourself first love yourself you deserve it. Attached is not something a friend wants it’s smothering and makes the other person not like you. Give people space have interest of your own I hope I’ve helped a little I’m not in a good place myself sorry if I haven’t. Dan..

[Just Sara]

Dear (╥﹏╥);

Welcome to our caring forum community. Just an aside; what do I call you? The above was the closest I could get to your username; others will struggle if they don't know where to access emoticons. Have a think about it ok.

I too have been viewed as the 'strong one' by family and friends. I know neediness like the back of my hand, though these days I'm more secure and confident due to hard work and recovery. And; learning how to ask for help.

I was clingy as well as needy. I'd like to say it's a poor choice of words, but they're perfect. Fear was at the core. I had no self worth or confidence and choosing to help others instead of myself made me feel wanted, which in my world meant I was loved.

There's a long history of childhood issues, but that's my story. What's yours hun? Where does your instincts tell you it comes from?

Feeling as you do is a consequence of giving your time and energy to others without a gauge. Empathy is one thing, but 'sympathy' is another. Feeling sorry for someone doesn't mean they need help. In some instances, it's further from the truth that you can get.

My guess is you're trying to be helpful without being asked first. And, do people use you as a sounding board to offload because you let them?

It's exhausting giving all your energy away like that. In essence, you live your life for others. If you don't have balance, you're at one end of the stick or the other which is spent clawing your way back to the middle. It's hard slog and will push people away from your extremes.

This can include passive/aggressive attitudes you might not even know are there, or unconsciously refusing to allow others the ability to help you too. Everyone needs to feel appreciated.

I hope I've given you something to chew on. It's a difficult situation to overcome. Learning to say "No" can be a lifelong endeavour when it becomes part of our normal make-up. It took me till I was over 30 to say it to my mother. I haven't looked back btw..

Let me know how you feel about what I've said. I'm interested to know if it resonates with you.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[MrDonut28]

Out of curiosity, have you ever thought about pursuing your career as a counsellor? That is something that I myself have thought about doing, because I enjoy lending an ear in helping others who are struggling.

[BBUser25]

Sorry about the name, call me Egg, it’s a nickname at school.

I started to worry about others when I was around 8-11, this was the period my mother used to be physically abused. I would dissociate by reading, whether that be the safety labels on various objects, or actual books.

Basically I lost the ability to care about myself, and gained the ability to care for others.

People tend to go to me when they’re upset, which I then in a way “soak their emotions”

Which makes me feel worse.

But thanks for the reply Sez.

~Egg

[BBUser25]

I have thought of pursuing counseling as a career, but I would instantly get attached to my clients, as I am like this.