Scared i am losing my boyfriend to mental illness

[emily2]

About 2 months ago my boyfriend started experiencing psychotic episodes abruptly ever since its been a rollercoaster of him going to somewhat stable to relapsing. he is on medication i am not sure if they just arent the right does he has a dr appointment Tuesday but anyways i am struggling immensly. This is the person i love most in my life he is my bestfriend and at times he seems completely insane. I understand schizophrenia though he hasnt been properly diagnosed he has pretty much every symptom. I am just at a dead end i want my best friend back i have been trying so hard i am basically his carer now but some of things he does says during an acute episode are scary. This isnt the person i know. I feel so lost im not suicidal but this makes life so unbearable. The hard part is that he doesnt even have any insight into his condition which i think will make it extremely hard for him to recover. He has had about 4 psychotic episodes now i am so scared that if this keeps happening i am just going to lose him all together to this illness. I am not expecting and real help to come out of this i am just venting i am so lost, I feel lost in myself i dont even know who i am anymore i just feel like my life is consumed by my boyfriends illness but i cant leave this is the person i love who i wanted to marry eventually and start a family with. I just dont understand why this has happened to him and i were so happy before this. Please if anyone with a partner thats going through this/ been throgh this let me know how things panned out.

[geoff]

Hi Emily2, please let me welcome you to the forum.

I'm not familiar with schizophrenia but I thought you needed a reply as your comment has progressed through the pages so with this reply it will put it back to page 1.

What I would like to say is that he needs to get a diagnosis from his doctor, or if he is not comfortable seeing his own doctor then contact another one.

If he or you click on 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'Find a professional' then a list of doctors will appear.

His doctor may have to refer him to a psychiatrist.

No one knows when or even if anybody will succumb to any mental illness (MI), unfortunately, that's the power and strength of it.

Please try and encourage him to make an appointment, or you may want to do it for him because I know medication will help him.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey emily2,

Thanks for your post.

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but I'm glad that you are here. This is a totally safe space for you to vent. I want you to know though that you are not alone. There are a lot (I mean a lot) of threads with people in the exact same boat.

Personally - I have a mental illness and have supported a partner with one. So I can see both sides of the coin and neither of them are easy. as for how things have panned out? We're still together, so that's something! It's been a few years now with a lot of ups and downs.

I have this feeling that you're not looking for advice but I just wanted to share what helped me through. In your relationship, there's you, your boyfriend, and your boyfriend's illness. If you can, keep them separate - like a bag that he holds on his shoulders. My illness is a part of me and it's not going anywhere in a hurry, but it also doesn't define me. Almost like the idea of a black dog following me around. I think if you can separate that it can help you see that your boyfriend is still the same person even if his identity is clouded by what's going on for him right now.

The other really really important thing to know is that you absolutely have to come first. No debate. The relationships that crumble are often the ones where people don't feel 'whole' as themselves. This is a big part of where self-care comes in. Boundaries, self care breaks, having support for you - it's all important.

I'm not sure if you've seen it yet but we have a section on supporting family/friends which might be helpful to read - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)

I hope this helps somewhat! I'm interested to hear how the Doctor's appointment goes tomorrow if you want to talk about it again.

I hope that you enjoy being apart of the forums,

[emily2]

Thank you, your insight has defiantly opened my eyes abit. I am going to see a dr for myself this afternoon because i do realise i need to work on myself. As for this Illness not defining him you’re completely right he is still my boyfriend I get so fixated on his mental state that i forget about him as a person that’s why i keep thinking that I’ve lost him is because i am not looking passed his illness if that makes sense.

[BBUser25]

I don’t know if this will help, but I suggest having one of his relatives care for him for a day or so, that way you’ll get downtime, time to calm down.

As a supportive figure in his life, he needs you more than ever to stay strong, I’m sure he’d rather you stand back for a few hours or so and be less stressed, than you being in a state of stress.

Itll do you both better if you aren’t stressed, it’ll give you better insight to what may be happening.

I suggest recording his episodes in a diary, then you can figure out what sets them off, and what stops them.

-Egg