I don't know what's wrong with me

[Jamieleem98]

throughout year 9-10 I always felt out of place in my group of "friends" whom I never felt like I was close with and never hung out with outside of school, in year 10 i started getting quite bad, withdrawing from everyone, stopped going to school most days and got obsessed with excersice and healthy eating which took a turn for the worst ending in a hospital stay for anorexia , leaving at a healthier weight two weeks later with a clearer state of mind,yay I kicked its butt!! but when I left I still wasn't going back to school, and ended up completely isolating myself for two years and still doing it now , I haven't been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder but I go through horrible phases where I'm completely and utterly obsessed with a part of my body(generally my nose or my teeth" not in a phase now thank god, I just feel so bad that I've completely isolated myself and I should be enjoying my teen years, I see photos on social media of friends out having the best time while I've been stuck at my house 24 hrs a day every day for two years, most of the people I went to highschool with know of my anorexia past and I feel they'd just be friends with me out of pitty now because of it so I don't even bother, I also find it extremely hard connecting with girls my age, "what your wearing to that festival doesn't interest me at the slightest or why your fake tan turned out like that, and that's also isolating because the only people I know that have similar interests to me are online,( also me not going out and finding people with the same interests doesn't help) but it's so ridiculously hard for me to just go out by myself and do that, I'm constantly looking up what's wrong with me or why people do this or that and its like an addiction, I have horrible self esteem and was just cut off from a fund that was going towards braces(huge thing for me) which is killing me because it's all about the straight smile now, I've been shut down from every job I've applied for and I seriously just don't know what to do or how to go about anything , I have been to about 4 parties in these two years out of a random invite off a friend but got messy drunk every time further embarrassing me and making me want to move far away or not see anyone. Sorry if this doesn't make sense to anyone I just really had to let something out before I go into a 2 week full on mental breakdown

[Sleepless1987]

I don't think anything is wrong with you. Part of being a teen is feeling like you don't fit in. When I was at school my friends were the other 'freaks,geeks and losers' we banded together. I don't see any of them anymore. Self isolation is incredibly difficult to beat, it's safe on your own. No-one can hurt you, but you miss out on so much. I don't believe you need to feel like you are not strong enough to get out and meet new people. Look at what you've already achieved. You are Wonder Woman!! Things always seem far more difficult and scary then they generally are...with the exception of cyclones and fires. What are your interests, are there local groups that you could join? Even just sitting in the park in the sun watching the world go by could be helpful. Remember that you are a wonderful strong and beautiful person. It's not the outside that counts it's the person you are inside. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. You need to believe in yourself, in your inner strength and courage. It might be difficult at times but in the end it will be worth it. Please believe in yourself. I'm saying to you what I'd have loved someone to tell my younger self. Please believe you are worth fighting for. That you have the strength and courage that you need. You have this one chance at life make it the best one you can. Be the person you want to be, you can do it. You are brave, courageous, intelligent and beautiful.