I don't know how to make friends

[dragonflies]

Hey, I haven't posted on here in a long while...

I've been feeling lonely and depressed about not having any close friends.

Growing up I always had a best friend/small group of close friends who I could share everything with and spend all my time with, without ever getting bored. Now I find it hard to hang out with anyone because I'm so used to my own company. I worry that I'll be boring, I won't know what to say, they won't enjoy my company and so I just end up staying on my own.

The fact that my past friendships have failed also makes me not want to make new friends because what's the point? My last good friend and I had booked to go away on holiday and about a month before we were due to fly out she told me (completely out of the blue) that she didn't want me to come and she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Nothing bad had happened and we never fought or didn't get along - I still don't understand what happened, I was so hurt. She has been away on the holiday and I was left with $600 out of pocket for the non-refundable flight, just because she didn't want me to go with her. I think it was really unfair and mean. I don't like having angry or negative thoughts about other people and I had to deal with that for a while because I was so hurt I couldn't help it.

So here I am now. I only work part time and I'm not at Uni at the moment so I don't know how else to make friends. Starting a new job and studying are the only things I can think of for meeting new people.

I also feel like a lot of people already have tight friendship groups that have developed overtime and that there's no room for a new person to join. I'm okay with being on my own because I'm used to it now but I know that socialising will improve my depression and overall quality of life.

I miss some old friends I used to have however in the past when I've tried to reach out nothing has ever really come of it. They don't want to hang out with me leaving me thinking I must be the problem.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to meet and make strong friendships?

dragonfly

[Youre1]

One of the best ways to meet new people is to look into joining different interest groups, there are many out there. From bush walking groups to charity volunteering. So you not only get to meet new people but you also get the satisfaction of helping others. Have you considered joining St.John Ambulance as a volunteer first aider? They will teach you many lifesaving and helpful skills that will help you in later life. Look up St.John on the net and contact your local division which probably meets weekly for training and socializing. After trying it you can always say 'no thanks' this isn't for me, but its worth a go. You'll also get a uniform and kit once you complete training. It also looks very good on your resume.

[Ray216]

I have a bit of a paradoxical but at least in my case, totally working suggestion. Don't try.

I have Aspergers and couldn't make any friends for the first 2 years of uni. I tried very hard but failed every time.

On my third year I gave up trying. I just went to class only trying to study. And it was then I encountered and made an amazing friendship.

So if nothing else works, just stop trying. It feels like the opposite of what needs to be done, but at least in my case, is exactly what worked.

[dragonflies]

Thank you for your reply, I'll look it up sounds like a great idea.

I started up at a second job so I've met some new people there which has been a positive experience...

[dragonflies]

I completely agree with you about this. I think what I struggle with more is putting myself in situations where I am around people in the first place. But I like this way of looking at it