I didn’t get in to my dream high school and now I feel lost

[six]

About three weeks ago I tried out for a school volleyball team at this school you do four periods a day and two of said periods are your sport of choice practice being a slightly alternative way of learning it is also the only one of its kind in my country/state literally .

I’ve been doing volleyball for about a year now and it’s safe to say I don’t know who I would be without it the school I’m at currently is somewhere I feel I don’t belong, I have dealt with countless other issues surrounding friendships and mental health I’ve spent two years at this school and I knew I wanted out my parents found the school I tried out for and suddenly it felt like all the work I did to keep my grades above the expectations and my absences as low as possible through the last two terms would finally amount to something it felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel after two years of barely being able to be at school because of anxiety I had finally worked hard enough that I could make into my dream school. 

Then came the trial I worked so hard the weeks before that with how anxious I felt my whole body tensed up the same feeling you would get after pushing your body too far in the gym it hurt to sit up in bed. Finally after a week of pain my body had calmed down just in time for the trial still sore but 100 times better no matter what angle I look at it and over think it again and again I can’t find anything that could have given the school a reason to reject me there was only four other people trying out and I couldn’t think of anything I did terribly wrong I’m saying this as someone who is very hard on themselves and pushes to go above and beyond I don’t think I made it that far at the trial but I know I was not far enough off the only thing me and my family could think of was that it was my absences from the year before and semester one, and I’m angry and upset as we tried to give them recommendation letters for this very reason so it hopefully would be a problem but the school didn’t want them. 

it’s been three weeks since the Friday I found out the news and to be honest I fell into what feels like a depressive episode and the only thing I’ve been able to do is push down the though I didn’t get in to my dream school every time it comes up I know this is no way to help myself but it’s all I’ve been able to do recently It felt like I had lost all direction I’m not one to let go of something once I’ve grasped it once so I’ve stood my ground with my parents and I’m going to email the school and ask why I didn’t make the cut I don’t plan on begging I just need it for me this is what my councillor recommended to do if I felt I needed it I don’t know if ill be able to let go and if I will be happy at whatever school and end up o still feel a loss of direction. 

(please forgive the lack of punctuation and spelling mistakes aswell as the poorly explained rant? lol ) thank you six

[Sophie_M]

Hey Six,

Thank you for your post and for being so open about how you’re feeling right now. The heaviness of this disappointment is clear from your words, and it can be a really raw and vulnerable place to be. It sounds like you tried your absolute best, which – while it might not feel like it now – is a testament to your character and determination. While this decision may not have turned out the way you had hoped, these qualities will serve you well moving forward. It’s a positive step to seek guidance from your school counsellor and ask the school for feedback, too. If you notice a tendency to be hard on yourself, it might be worthwhile reading that response during a session with your school counsellor or with your parents so you can have support to unpack it.

For right now though – it hurts, and it’s okay to let yourself feel this way. No matter what age we are, going for something and not getting it can sting and make us question our self-worth.

Has there been anything you’ve been able to do in the past week to bring some joy back into your days, even for a little while? It can be the last thing you feel like doing, but even setting aside a little time for something you enjoy can boost your mood.

If you ever want to talk some more, you’re always welcome to reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service, whether on the phone (1300 22 4636) or via webchat. Another good resource is Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, or webchat.

Thank you again for sharing, Six. We’re sorry to hear how much this is hurting right now, and we’re here to support you. Treat yourself with extra kindness while you work through this 💙

Take care 💙

Sophie M

[six]

Hey Sophie 

thank you for your reply and being so supportive and understanding all though I still feel at a bit of a loss I’ve been doing my best to not take anything to seriously or to heart and just trying to enjoy school during these last two weeks we have o think I’ve to an unsettled sort of peace with not getting into the school if that makes sense! It still hurts but it will do me no good holding onto this weight writing the first paragraphs and then getting a reply i feel has given me a sense of closure I was also able to go and see a concert over the past weekend it was a very small and intimate one probably with about 25-30/40 people overall so I was able to take pictures and talk to the singers and the last song that was played was about letting go to a past lover and not going back accepting that what they had is over although my situation is not romantic it still felt metaphorical in a sense I know I can move on from this school. Anyways thank you for the reply it truly means a lot and I didn’t even think about reading the response from the school with my councillor so thank you for that I get too see her this Monday so I think I will do as you suggested!

thank you from six

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi Six,

I went through the same situation when I was in grade 6 and I feel you, it was rough. I also remember feeling lost in a similar way as you. I even remember talking a lot to my teachers and even contacting the school to ask why I didn’t get in. It did leave me with some clarity so I hope that you get clarity too.
Now that I have finished high school, I can look back on that time in my life and although it was difficult, I do feel gratitude. I am so grateful for the wonderful friends I made at my school and I truly believe it was for the better. If I had gone to another school, my entire life would be different. I wouldn’t have met them otherwise and had these experiences. I hope this gives you a bit of hope for the future. It doesn’t mean things will be perfect because nothing is but I hope you take things one day at a time and continue speaking to those around you that you trust. Who knows? Maybe one day you will look back on this and realise that everything ended up working out-in a different way that you expected of course.

Sending love to you 🥰