I can't kick this depression

[DarumaDreamer]

Hi, I am 22. I have been experiencing depression for about a year, and recently started treatment for bipolar II disorder. I am in touch with a psychologist, and a highly supportive GP.

Even with this support however, I am finding it really hard to do anything during the day. I feel like I cannot experience happy emotions, and find it very difficult to get motivated to do anything in my day. Sometimes my emotions dip to such a state that I find myself in tears. I find myself sometimes spending the entire day in bed, and wondering where the day has gone. I am concerned about the impact this will have on my semester at university. I get anxious thinking about last year, how assignments were left until the last minute. I really would not like a repeat, but I don't know where to draw my energy from when I am in this state of mind.
I often try to keep the full extent of my depression to myself because I don't want to hurt the feelings of my family (even though they know my situation and are supportive). I also sometimes bottle up my emotions around my boyfriend. He is generally supportive, but I don't want my negativity to become something toxic in our relationship. I sometimes wish I could snap out of it, especially around him.

I suppose what I would like to hear from you guys is how you can maintain a certain amount of productivity in your day, while you are depressed, because honestly, I am really struggling right now with that. I would like to try get on top of it before I blink, and I have spent too much of this semester in bed.

[james1]

Hey Guest_1876,

I've had depression on and off for a while, but this time has been going on since May last year. I also have some BPD traits which has similar symptoms to bipolar and can understand the feeling of not being able to be productive.

From what I hear, you seem to have a support network around you which is good, though it is still very hard.

My way of doing stuff (I still work full time, but tbh probably at a part time productivity level) is to really pounce on the very rare occasion that I feel a spark. And in those instances, I have to do something physical. By extending those periods of energy, I can feel better about my day.

Otherwise on the days where I'm just stuck doing nothing, it's about compromising. I don't want to eat? Okay, then I'll at least cook. Or I'll at least do the food preparation and cook tomorrow. Or I'll just eat a carrot.

Don't feel like going to work? Okay, then I won't go to work but I'll stay outside all day. And just sit in the sun if I have to. Bring my pillow to the park if I have to.

I think it's really about forcing yourself into doing something small and letting yourself do that.

The other thing I'd consider is delaying your uni a semester. Could you do that? Or perhaps drop some subjects so you have time to just not be so stressed by assignments?

James

[blondguy]

Hello Guest1876

I think you are amazing by having already gathered your GP and a psychologist. This is great stuff.

James1 has excellent advice above too which is spot on.

Depression is no different to a physical illness as its partially chemically based anyway. People just cant see the crutches we use.

Ive also had depression for many years now and the symptoms do reduce over time 🙂

The more regular the therapy the better the quality of your recovery....weekly is great...fortnightly is fine too

Good on you for having the strength to reach out and share your pain

you are not alone here at all

my kind thoughts for you

Paul