I have no sense of self.

[Qxz]

I'm 16 years old and my whole life I've spent changing between different hobbies, different tastes, different styles to see what I like and cannot settle. When I was younger we moved around alot, infact I've only recently moved into my brother's to live independently. I think all this change and moving around prevents me from having a place to call home, a room to put my own belongings in and feel comfortable. Usually my personality adapts to the people I'm surrounded by. I hate this feeling of not feeling confident because I lack self awareness, it's not fair for me to change who I am just because I'm around different people. It's all I've ever known though because I don't know how to be my own person. How am I meant to build esteem when I have nothing to build off. There's nothing that I am passionate about, nothing that excites me or gives me meaning. I need a good diversion from all this. I want my own unique interest that keeps me going, that I can be passionate about. I feel extremely disconnected from my peers and myself. I can't figure out who I am and I don't know who I want to be. I've been struggling with this issue quite intensely over the past few days, constantly questioning who I am and what I am doing with my life. It's depleting. I feel useless as though I'll never do anything with the little time I have and I'll just sit around staring dull faced and bored. Lately I've been completely wasting my days, sitting around, watching time pass. I am soon yet to study this online course but I fear I may lose motivation because of the mindset I am in. I guess, for me,this is one minor issue among many others. I put the topic out there asking for advice but also for some to relate to.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Qxz,

Welcome to the forums!

Thanks for reaching out to us and I'm glad you decided to join us.

I'm sorry that you're struggling and you're definately not alone in this. This is something that I've struggled a lot with myself. Many times over the years I've said to myself some of the same things in your post; that I don't know who I am, don't know what I want to be, don't know what excites me, etc. It can be very difficult having these thoughts.

I think that it might be helpful to focus on the sense of self first and then figure out later how to help you figure out what to do with your life. You may find that things get easier once you can build your self-esteem.

One thing to remember though is that I don't think our sense of self is fixed. I think it changes all the time, and there's nothing wrong with that. As we are younger (especially teenage years) we're still figuring that out, but it still changes over the experiences that we have and go through. I'm naturally shy around some people and a talkative mess with others. When I was younger I wanted to be really social where as now I like only having one or two friends. It's okay to not know it all, and it's okay to always be figuring that out.

You said that you have no sense of self. What does a sense of self mean to you? What does it look like?

Is it the fact that maybe you like computer games over ball games? Do you prefer groups of people or one or two? Here is just a short list of personality traits - maybe you could pick a couple there that you resonate with - https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/47/05/f2/4705f28b4aacc511a65e495cc9f1862c.jpg I know for me I'm not active or confident but I'm loyal and kind. This can kind of give us a sense of self too.

Values are another thing that can help give us our sense of self. For me I really like learning, love and family - but everyone is different. Here's a list of things that you can pull from - http://www.elisapulliam.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2013-03-25-at-5.17.22-PM.png

I hope this stuff is not too overwhelming! Everyone kind of figures out their sense of self and builds up their own self-esteem in their own way. Personality traits and values are only 2 of many things that can help us figure out who we are. Sometimes just getting a little bit of an idea can help. But if none of this helps you that's totally okay too. That's the good thing about having so many people on this forum.