How to open up to your friends

[mouseketeer26]

I'm new to beyondblue, so hopefully I'm posting this correctly.

Growing up, I had a plethora of family issues, largely centering around my father who is for all intents and purposes an abusive sociopath. My mother was incredibly supportive, however growing up with my father (who is divorced from my mother), gave me many issues to deal with, many of which I have not shared with my mother or other family members due to the issues they are all still dealing with and also in the interest of allowing my family to heal.

My father was abusive physically but predominantly mentally, and I have not spoken to him for two years. However, he's recently managed to upend my family's life- including mine- from a distance and has continued to try to essentially ruin the life I have made for myself outside of his influence. My family are all experiencing the difficulty this has caused, but due to them not understanding the extent of which this man has affected me, I have found myself unable to confide in them the effect the situation has had on my health, mostly because I am not able to express to them the extent of the damage he caused to me in my younger years.

Although I feel comfortable and stable in how I'm dealing with the situation and have no serious or immediate concerns for my health, I find myself for the first time feeling as though I really need to talk to someone about what has happened to me, and bring these things that are holding me back out into the open so I can finally move on. Several friends have expressed that I should talk to them if I want to as they know I am struggling with a family related situation, however firstly I don't know how to approach them and ask if I can talk about what I'm struggling with, and secondly I am unsure whether it would be fair of me to ask them to hear my problems, as I would never want to cause difficulty to any of my friends. I also don't feel comfortable speaking to a counsellor or therapist and I don't feel I am in a place where that is necessary, so I am hoping to avoid that if possible. Does anyone have any advice for opening up to friends/whether I even should?

[demonblaster]

Hi mouseketeer26 welcome to beyond blue and you did just fine posting ☺ good on you

You sure have/had a lot to deal with and I think you're very strong how you're coping. It's great that your friends want to know how you're feeling they clearly care about you and you them too which is a credit to you all.

How bout telling them exactly what you said here about wanting to talk but feeling it's not fair on them and see how they react which I think by the sounds will be ok. Maybe you could if you think it might be easier put your feelings in writing or maybe print your post for them to initiate first approach. Entirely your choice darl

I'm so glad you have good support and that your Mums been supportive too.

I do think it's a good thing you want to open up to give this pain an out to be able to move on, you show great courage

Anytime you feel you'd like to talk please feel free to, there are lovely people here and you're in a safe enviroment

All the very best ☺

[IsaJett]

Hi Mouseketeer26

Sorry to hear about what u are going through atm. It is important to be able to talk about your problems, might not solve anything but you need to get it off your chest. Even in this forum , its an excellent place to start.

I think you will be surprise about the fact that when you do actually open up to a friend or whoever...generally lots of people will relate in one way or another and offer support. You are definitely not alone.

I had major marital issues and was ashamed to confide in anyone to start off with. I was afraid of being judged etc. But the minute I started to confide in friends ..I could see clarity and get different perspectives on how to move forward. I also couldn't wrap my idea around seeing a psychologist. The thought of it mortified me..like how do I talk to a stranger about my issues...lol...but when I did ...it changed me entirely. I felt way stronger and more equipped to deal with the problems .

[Chloe_M]

Hey Mouseketeer26,

I understand the difficulty you are having concerning opening up to your friends. A couple of months ago, I could hardly talk to anyone- I just didn't know how, and I was scared that I was going to be judged on what I said. One day, I just let it all out. I told one of my best friends what I was dealing with, and now, I have 6 close friends that I can call anytime or approach at school if I am feeling anxious, depressed, or I just need someone to make me laugh. Once you do open up to someone, it becomes easier to share your feelings. Like with anything, it gets easier and you get better at it with practice. Good on you also, for making friends that care about you. I can see from what you have written that they have approached you offering support- this is awesome! This means they are willing to help you. Friends like that are valuable and hard to come by.

Even if you don't feel comfortable at the moment, seeking professional help is a good idea, as they can provide more than just emotional support- coping strategies, a diagnosis and possibly medication are available from them. If you don't feel comfortable seeing someone face-to-face, eHeadspace offers free online counselling in their online chat feature- you should head over there and check it out.

Keep posting here too if you need help- there will always be someone who will listen to you and try to help!

Chloe_M xx

[greginmelbourne]

Hey Mouseketeer26,

Good on you for posting.

I would like to second what demonblaster said, and the others too for that matter.

If you haven't already spoken to your mates, you could just copy and send what you wrote above to the people you want to talk to. They'll respond like they already have, by offering support. You're really lucky that they've already stepped up to the plate and offered help.

Also, there's nothing wrong with talking to a counselor. There's no 'stage' where it's better or not better to talk to someone. It's always ok to talk, and particularly to someone who knows how to listen and ask the right questions.

Good luck with it all, and keep posting.

G

[Chloe_M]

Hey mouseketeer26, just popping in to check on you. Hope you're doing okay xx

chloe