How to get over social anxiety & fear of entering the workforce???

[crazycatlady13]

Hi everyone!

So I am a recent uni graduate and currently finding a full time job to get off welfare payments (I am over going to job provider appointments!). I am currently working remotely in my field of study, the pay is very small and because I am at home most of the time, not interacting with others etc, it is not something I want to be stuck in for the long term because it'll make my social anxiety worse!

I've been socially anxious since I was in primary school but I did make heaps of friends over the years, we all just drifted apart after high school ended. While I love to be out in public places like shopping centres and restaurants etc. what triggers my SA the most is being the centre of attention, talking to people in authority, presentations, having a conversation with some strangers, being watched and getting to know new people.

Around 2015 during my 3rd year of uni, my social anxiety became worse when I went to my first real job interview. I was so nervous I said the most stupidest things and wasn't surprised when I didn't get the job. The interview pretty much killed my self esteem. I've never had a casual job because I was too scared to work - I was afraid I wouldn't be able to complete tasks properly, interacting with customers etc. and I regret wasting my younger years away because everyone I knew had at least one job during high school years 😞

Now that I've graduated, my family members are always asking if I have a job and my mum is probably disappointed in me for not having a job yet and its making me feel worthless! Right now I cannot find any suitable positions because they all need years of experience (I so far have 9 months experience) and when I do find something, I put off submitting my resume because I don't want to be called to an interview because I hate them! I do want to work, I just feel like if I do get something, I'll stuff up and probably be laid off.

My field of study requires a lot of communication, liaising, meetings - I don't know why I decided to major in it. I was interested in it but my anxiety makes me wonder if I am capable of pursuing this career or if I should go another direction.

I HATE living with social anxiety!

[Jane69]

Hi,

Social anxiety runs in my family amongst other things. When ever you don't face anxiety it gets bigger and meaner. How you face it could be 'rip the bandaid off' and just do it. If it's supper bad you may need professional help from your medical team if you have one.

Also don't forget that these fears your having about growing up and now having to face the work force are actually normal and we all face them. It's what we do next that matters. Be proactive and don't run away you can do this!

[LinkTheCosplayer]

HEY!
fear not you are not alone!!
I too suffer from soceal anxiety and it used to be SOO crippling to me, i would feel weak, sick, anxious and cold when i had to take the train to tafe every day. being around strangers felt more like being around wolves.

You can get over this tho but it will take time. i suggest exposure therapy it really works each time you push your self out of your comfort zone gradually the more you do it you become used to the situation and similar situations will be alot less intense. it took me a while but it worked. things will seem less scary.

im still a little awkward and weird around strangers but each time im in a situation involved with strangers i remind my self "iv done this before but i survived" i get stronger each time because of it, also medication can be helpful as well as maybe some counseling or seeing a psychologist.

All the best to you i hope everything works out. keep us updated 🙂

[crazycatlady13]

I was considering doing CBT or talking to a therapist but these things cost money & I'm not really in a position to be spending a lot on it 😞 I also don't want my parents to find out if I go to these sessions because it'll make them feel ashamed, they just don't understand 😞

I want to avoid medications as best as I can.

[SweetAmara]

Hi Crazycatlady13,

Everything you said in your post was relatable to me. I have struggled to begin working I too have social anxiety and never got a job in high school or while studying. It's a terrible and crippling feeling. You feel bad about yourself so you prevent your own success by avoiding things that will make you uncomfortable and then you feel bad because you let yourself down. It's such a vicious circle.

Just last night, my boyfriend was on the phone with me, trying to talk me up so I could drop of a resume somewhere. I sobbed for hours, I told him he didn't understand that "I just can't," I explained how trapped I felt, I explained how debilitating having this illness is. I literally felt stuck to the floor. Paralysed. It makes me hate myself so much because I feel incapable at everything before I even start. All I had to do was drop off a resume, but since I hadn't told the business when I would be in this week, I was feeling sheer terror. In my mind I had blown it already. My boyfriend ended up saying that he wanted today to be a rest day for me. No resume drop offs, no stress, but I knew that I would feel ten times worse knowing that I stole that opportunity from myself.

So this morning, against all the odds after four days off putting it off, I got up and got dressed. And I did it. It near killed me. My expectation of what that would be like nearly killed me. But I did it. Somehow, I got through it and for me is such a huge success. I "functioned!" (as I tend to put it.) Please don't get me wrong, it's agonising and it takes so much will to achieve it, I did it because I knew I would have a much worse break down if I didn't and if I don't do it I'll never have a chance at normal.

There's a quote I heard once: "We tend to deny ourselves, the things we want the most, for fear of being unworthy." Find what makes it bearable for you. Find somebody that will support with you. My boyfriend and I fight about that I refuse to do . I fight him relentlessly when I feel I can't do something. But by the end, he somehow makes it possible, because he fights for me not against me. Music got me through today, the promise of going home got me through today, I kept telling myself: "While you think you can't do this, you are doing it." Preparation can help with these feelings and creating a sort of actress persona helps. Find a way to bring out this capable side of you. It's definitely in there.

Feel free to speak to me anytime. Best wishes.

[SweetAmara]

Also, counselling can be useful to help find coping mechanism, because for me at least I find that I naturally avoid social interaction if I can help it. It's important to build your confidence. A great deal of social anxiety comes from fear of rejection and low self-confidence. We assume how bad it's going to be, how much people hate us, how silly we look etc.

When it came to work, I was terrified of all the things you mentioned you were frightened, so naturally I shied away as best I could. I found opportunities to avoid my fears.

It's hard when everybody is questioning how your job search is going. But keep in mind they don't understand what's going on inside you. I doubt your mum is disappointed. I do however understand what it's like to feel like you can't relate to your parents on your mental health situation.

Have you investigated any volunteer positions available in your field? I know you want to begin working, but perhaps if you're finding it hard to get work right now, a volunteer position for a month or so would be good. You could ask for a written reference which could really help you excel in your field and stand out? Just an idea.

Anyway... sorry to double post, just a few more ideas!

[crazycatlady13]

Hey SweetAmara,

Thanks for sharing your story, I feel the same fear and terror right before I click on the 'submit' button when applying for a job! After submitting, my heart starts racing and I keep hoping I get an email response instead of a phone call because I hate answering the phone when a stranger calls! Job hunting really makes me sad and frustrated. Can I ask what kind of jobs you're applying for?

There aren't any volunteer positions in my field of study but I am considering volunteering one day if job searching isn't getting me anywhere. Besides getting a reference, I feel like volunteering can help me gain confidence and become comfortable in a 'real' workplace environment so that I won't feel nervous when I go for a real job, so it is definitely something on my mind. I did do an unpaid internship for a few months not long ago in an office environment, but I feel like it isn't enough experience yet.

I think what I'm really frightened of the most is job interviews.