How do you change when you've "played it safe" your whole life?

SweetAmara · ‎28-02-2017

Okay, so I have posted on here a few times, I am finally making process and feeling a little better. Partly because I am being direct, taking charge and doing what's best for me, including seeing a psychologist. Personality wise, I've realised identify with lawful good as part of the alignment personality system. . Put simply, I do things because it's the "right" thing typically, not because I want to and a lot of it is based on how I feel others see me or the ridiculous standards I have set for myself. Not to be misunderstood, I don't want to be self-destructed, but I haven't ever done anything remotely adventurous or different. Or even slightly rebellious. I find myself longing to bring out more of the free-spirit I know exists in me; but I really don't know. It's also hard because I am stuck between very religious friends and others that are very much secular. I tend to question things a lot partly due to that diversity.

I am not sure how to openly become the person I feel I am and take healthy risks? I am not even sure what they look like. I am a very creative person, but I lack confidence in those capabilities, if that gives any kind of indication. Thanks!

romantic_thi3f · ‎07-03-2017

Hi SweetAmara,

Thanks for your post.

Ah yes - I'm familiar with that too. Apparently there was a time that I was supposed to 'make mistakes' and 'have fun' ?! Nobody gave me the rulebook for that ha.

I completely understand the idea of wanting to go out and hearing of the silliness that drinking brings (minus the drinking). I found that overtime many of my friends started to drift away from drinking and now we're much more comfortable with a movie night. A lot of the storytelling can come from inside jokes or even just things that have been said. What about your friends now? What sorts of things are they into?

Ohh writing a YA book sounds interesting; what's it about? I'm a big reader so very curious!

I love Elizabeth CP's idea of writing a list and think this could be a great way of being open to new things, even if you aren't quite ready for them yet. What would you do if your self-doubt didn't get in the way?

One of the things that I came up with when I did this list was the idea of being a painter; I don't think I'd ever really painted in my life and I've always been too scared of not being 'good enough'. So one of the ways for me to try and ease into it was just finding paintings that I liked, and then later when I felt a little more confident, I got a little acrylic set, then I'd start on A4 white paper. I'm still stuck on this step for now - I've only just shown a couple of people one painting, but I'm trying. I guess this is one of the ways that I myself am trying to 'let go' but in the safest way I know how. Maybe a step-by-step thing could work for you too.

SweetAmara · ‎08-03-2017

Hi again romantic_thi3f,

Ha! Yes, I too missed out on that same rule book.

I love movie nights and things like that. My friends do enjoy them, but they are very much "doers," so I try to go out with them occasionally as well. Most of my friends really enjoy being out in nature. They're honestly excited by most things and fascinated by the world as a whole. I remember one time, my friend and I stopped at at the wind turbine farm, she thought it was awesome. Haha. We have done trips to the markets and things like that as well. I did go to a few bars with my other more secular friends for one of their birthdays. Which was fun to just talk and hang out in some underground bars in Adelaide. We often end up shopping. I guess I enjoy experiencing different moods? I'd love to be more adventurous with my boyfriend, but we're long distance so it's so hard.

My YA novel is about a teenage girl who undergoes a course of life-changing events that are sorted of treated like a mystery. But ultimately, it's all about the impact that those events have on her, and particularly the other women in her life and in the town in Southern America where she lives. It about a young woman coming into her own identity basically and the road she has to take to get there. I feel like it's very emotive and there is a lot of me in it, additionally, there's a lot of things that inspired me in it too. A part of what inspired me is the nomadic existence of young women pursuing the arts, so film/tv, music etc.

I definitely will do that. I really have to give that a hard think, I honestly feel like I would try anything, because my self-doubt holds me back so much. One thing I did today was try on an outfit that I knew I liked; but was a little scared to commit to. I tried it on and I decided that I'd buy it. It isn't that it didn't look good, but previously I'd sort of ridden it off, simply because of the judgement I could receive over it. Even though I liked it.

That's a really great idea. I did something a little like that yesterday with my boyfriend. I love to sing, but I am to scared to do in front of people alone, even though I used to be in a choir. So I sung several songs to him over the phone and even though I was scared it did help a little.

Tomorrow night, my best friend and her sister are going to karaoke night with me, so that'll be a nice way to begin being a little more free-spirited!

romantic_thi3f · ‎09-03-2017

Hi SweetAmara,

Thanks for your post.

Aw it sounds like you have such a sweet bunch of friends; and doer's are definitely good people to be around for a free-spirit! Nature, bars, shopping - spontaneity is a good thing. Do you see them often? Ah LDR's are hard; how far away are you? I was in a LDR before; one of the things that helped was actually planning things that we could do when we were together; maybe you could plan an adventure with your boyfriend?

Oh, your YA novel sounds interesting! I'd love to read it. I've never written a book before but I can imagine it must be quite challenging; I can definately see how it can give you a sense of purpose. You'll have to let us know when we can go buy it! Will you give us a BB discount? (just kidding)

Yay! New outfit and singing! Look at you go SweetAmara! It's so so important for you to notice and celebrate these wins, as no matter how small they may seem they are a huge deal.

Hope you're karaoke was fun! Definitely a great way to fight the self-doubt!

P.S. I have this poster hanging up in my wall and I thought I'd share it with you because I love it and it's such a powerful reminder - http://zenpencils.com/comic/139-brene-brown-the-woman-in-the-arena/