I need advice with my current relationship please

[DantheMan2]

Hi guys,

I'm just an average person thats currently studying, for the past 2 years I met someone (I think) I truly love. She is great but, we broke up in out first year, but then we "kinda" got back together but not as boyfriend and girlfriend, so just "friends" but we didnt do what friends do like have sex, call each other every night, what a good relationship does. She keeps asking me what are we, I ask her what do you want us to be, she says she doesn't know. For me I can be patient.

She continues by saying this is wrong but I want to be with you. I'm guessing that she doesn't to be together but she doesn't to hurt my feelings so i reassure her, but then she continues on by saying no one is like me and she wont someone like me. This made me happy and sad, reason why is that she keeps saying this is wrong and what are we.

Just recently she met a guy at her work place and she finds him cute. I don't mind that since she calls everyone cute but then something odd happens. She stops calling me, finding out that it was the guy from her workplace, I ask her when she is going to finish calling him? she said I don't know. She didn't call me back in a while, so I got jealous and yes I did Stuff up by going into her account and snooping of who is she texting and found out that shes been texting that guy. But nothing comes out of the ordinary but when i look at her other friends text shes been saying how cute he is and ect I get really jealous but soon enough I saw it as a joke BUT i felt guilty for logging into her account so i confessed of what I've done and explain why i did it. She got mad and cuts me off from her life this happen twice now through the two years.

The first time she cuts me off was for no reason so the persistent me is trying to contact her and ask her why and also if we could talk eventually we got back together but now she cuts me off again but with a reason (me logging into her account without asking) and yes i feel really guilty about this. I feel she lost trust in me i want to say sorry so many times but she keeps ignoring me. I want to talk to her but she doesn't care this is the second time that she cuts me off. Should I stay persistent or should I move on?

[Croix]

Dear DantheMan2~

Thank you for your post, you've set things out honestly and that makes it a little easier for others to understand.

If I've read it correctly you had a relationship that broke up and became a platonic friendship. Then you snooped on her and invaded her privacy.

One that happens I guess there has to be a very powerful reason for trust to re-develop, and saying 'sorry' won't help.

If you take that together with the facts of the platonic relationship and that your ex-gf showed an interest in someone else before the broken trust incident I do not think you can be very hopeful things will go back to when you first met.

I'm sorry not to have good news, If she say's its over, then I'd believe her.

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi DantheMan2,

Welcome to the forums, and thanks for your post.

Your question here is Should I stay persistent or should I move on? - I don't think this is one we can answer for you. I think only you know the answer to that.

I can see why you said that you're okay with not 'putting a label on it' so to speak which is why you were just friends (but not), but at the same time when you don't get clear about what you are you don't get clear on what the boundaries are in your relationship. Is this casual? Are we just friends with benefits? Are we open to this being long-term? Are we exclusive?

Without answers, problems arise - like snooping. I can understand why you snooped but I can also see why the girl you were with was upset because her privacy was invaded. Relationships of all sorts (even friends with benefits) are built on mutual trust and respect.

If you decide to be persistent, then I really encourage you to open up, talk about things and figure out where you are both at.